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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 618935" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>You're doing very well Childofmine. And, I know how difficult it is too.</p><p></p><p>Waiting is good.</p><p></p><p>I learned that during any interaction with my daughter it was wise and prudent to always say, in the face of the next request or drama, "I have to go, I'll get back to you." Giving me the absolutely necessary time for my brain to settle out of the enabling role and into the detachment mode. Over time that became the way it was and over more time, she stopped asking for anything. She hints now, but I don't bite.</p><p></p><p>I have virtually no contact with my daughter other then occasional emails or FB messages. I too had to face that we might end up exactly where we are. I always had hope that things would change, and like your SO, my SO encouraged me to see how long this has gone on and how unlikely it was that she would change. That was hard to see. I call it the death of hope. However, once hope left, interestingly, it simply left me with reality............she is who she is, it is what it is...........and acceptance was soon to follow. Suffering ceased (for the most part) and my own life began expanding. </p><p></p><p>I can conjure it up and feel sad about it, but why? Sometimes it hits me that my only child is out there and we have no connection...........and I feel a momentary sadness...........and then it passes.............I have tools to keep me on the straight and narrow............I keep myself very healthy with exercise, diet, sleep, meditation, friends, support, laughter...............like you I am committed to my own peace of mind and my own well being...........now.</p><p></p><p>It's been a long journey to this point. Being here for others helps me too. You do a good job of supporting others with your wisdom and your care.............you can provide solace and your own story for parents struggling in this strange land we live in. Wishing you continued peace throughout your journey.............we're all in this together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 618935, member: 13542"] You're doing very well Childofmine. And, I know how difficult it is too. Waiting is good. I learned that during any interaction with my daughter it was wise and prudent to always say, in the face of the next request or drama, "I have to go, I'll get back to you." Giving me the absolutely necessary time for my brain to settle out of the enabling role and into the detachment mode. Over time that became the way it was and over more time, she stopped asking for anything. She hints now, but I don't bite. I have virtually no contact with my daughter other then occasional emails or FB messages. I too had to face that we might end up exactly where we are. I always had hope that things would change, and like your SO, my SO encouraged me to see how long this has gone on and how unlikely it was that she would change. That was hard to see. I call it the death of hope. However, once hope left, interestingly, it simply left me with reality............she is who she is, it is what it is...........and acceptance was soon to follow. Suffering ceased (for the most part) and my own life began expanding. I can conjure it up and feel sad about it, but why? Sometimes it hits me that my only child is out there and we have no connection...........and I feel a momentary sadness...........and then it passes.............I have tools to keep me on the straight and narrow............I keep myself very healthy with exercise, diet, sleep, meditation, friends, support, laughter...............like you I am committed to my own peace of mind and my own well being...........now. It's been a long journey to this point. Being here for others helps me too. You do a good job of supporting others with your wisdom and your care.............you can provide solace and your own story for parents struggling in this strange land we live in. Wishing you continued peace throughout your journey.............we're all in this together. [/QUOTE]
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