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Latent difficult child, Drug addict, or Failure to Launch?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 441591" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Anf where were YOU at age 21? I was married with a child on the way. The counselor is nto just wrong, she is stupid to boot. By supporting your son you are GIVING him money to spend on drugs. All of his $$ can go to drugs because YOU pay for his shelter, food, clothes, etc....</p><p></p><p>Until you toss him out and he hits bottom (bottom is different for each person) he is NOT going to stop using drugs. in my opinion there is a whole lot more than just marijuana going on with him. A LOT more. He just admits to weed because it doesn't seem as "big" as the other drugs so parents often are not as upset.</p><p></p><p>YOU need to head to alanon. Addiction is a family disease - it changes ALL of you. The meetings will give you a lot of support. But YOU are not to blame for his actions and choices. HE is. At age 21 he is MORE than able to go out into the world. LOTS of people do. And every penny you spend on him frees up a penny of HIS money to use on drugs. Doesn't matter if the $$ is in the form of shelter, food, clothes, gas, car, etc.... If you have a car for him that is not in his name, take it away. Not jsut the keys. take a part of two off so he cannot drive it. Or sell it. (assuming it is in your name, of course). Some choose to keep the cell phones on so that they have some way to contact the adult child, but others don't. ANY bills you pay for him, don't pay any more. </p><p></p><p>HE chose to live the life of someone who won't work, commits crimes and does drugs all the time. He is choosing this every day. So he should live with the consequences of those actions - which do NOt include living in a nice house, eating food they really like, having the clothes they like, etc.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 441591, member: 1233"] Anf where were YOU at age 21? I was married with a child on the way. The counselor is nto just wrong, she is stupid to boot. By supporting your son you are GIVING him money to spend on drugs. All of his $$ can go to drugs because YOU pay for his shelter, food, clothes, etc.... Until you toss him out and he hits bottom (bottom is different for each person) he is NOT going to stop using drugs. in my opinion there is a whole lot more than just marijuana going on with him. A LOT more. He just admits to weed because it doesn't seem as "big" as the other drugs so parents often are not as upset. YOU need to head to alanon. Addiction is a family disease - it changes ALL of you. The meetings will give you a lot of support. But YOU are not to blame for his actions and choices. HE is. At age 21 he is MORE than able to go out into the world. LOTS of people do. And every penny you spend on him frees up a penny of HIS money to use on drugs. Doesn't matter if the $$ is in the form of shelter, food, clothes, gas, car, etc.... If you have a car for him that is not in his name, take it away. Not jsut the keys. take a part of two off so he cannot drive it. Or sell it. (assuming it is in your name, of course). Some choose to keep the cell phones on so that they have some way to contact the adult child, but others don't. ANY bills you pay for him, don't pay any more. HE chose to live the life of someone who won't work, commits crimes and does drugs all the time. He is choosing this every day. So he should live with the consequences of those actions - which do NOt include living in a nice house, eating food they really like, having the clothes they like, etc..... [/QUOTE]
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