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Parent Emeritus
Laying groundwork for children. Not laying groundwork for adults.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 657276" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hope and joy...I used to ask the same thing about Difficult Child's dad. I was able to stop, for the most part, way before he was able to stop. Why?</p><p></p><p>In his case, he had a lot of guilt about being an alcoholic himself, and confusion about "one alcoholic helps another, always". He was also dealing with his own childhood and growing up in a very dysfunctional household, his own dad an abusive alcoholic. My ex was never physically abusive. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, during our divorce, which was very acrimonious, I told him he had not been a good dad. I'm sure that really stung, and I was wrong in every way to say that. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, finally, I had to let go of that too. It was painful to know that as hard as I was working to stop enabling, somebody else was working just as hard to enable. I was afraid and mad and you name it.</p><p></p><p>People get it when they get it and not one minute before. I have learned that the hard way. </p><p></p><p>There is no rhyme or reason to it. You can only hope and pray that she gets it before the Difficult Child is completely lost. </p><p></p><p>Very hard stuff, this is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 657276, member: 17542"] Hope and joy...I used to ask the same thing about Difficult Child's dad. I was able to stop, for the most part, way before he was able to stop. Why? In his case, he had a lot of guilt about being an alcoholic himself, and confusion about "one alcoholic helps another, always". He was also dealing with his own childhood and growing up in a very dysfunctional household, his own dad an abusive alcoholic. My ex was never physically abusive. Anyway, during our divorce, which was very acrimonious, I told him he had not been a good dad. I'm sure that really stung, and I was wrong in every way to say that. Anyway, finally, I had to let go of that too. It was painful to know that as hard as I was working to stop enabling, somebody else was working just as hard to enable. I was afraid and mad and you name it. People get it when they get it and not one minute before. I have learned that the hard way. There is no rhyme or reason to it. You can only hope and pray that she gets it before the Difficult Child is completely lost. Very hard stuff, this is. [/QUOTE]
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