I think this is one of the hardest things to "get" about our dcs. When they were babies, children, young teens...it was OUR JOB to lay groundwork for them. We facilitated. We orchestrated. We managed. We set up opportunities. We talked to teachers, coaches, doctors, other parents...that was OUR JOB. As good parents. Then, as they got older, OUR JOB was to let them go, little by little, into the world of adulthood. I have two sons. One grasped that transition and began to take on more and more responsibilities. The other son didn't. I didn't understand it. So...what did I do...I laid more groundwork. I thought, well he is immature/lazy/slow to launch/needs more time/I've babied him too much/product of divorced parents/introverted/whatever....so I said, I'll facilitate more, not less, and THEN he will start do catch on. I did more and more, and it got worse and worse. One day I sat up and looked back (completely miserable and without resources, I was a mess!) and realized years had gone by and not only had nothing changed, it was much much worse. And I started learning how to let go. I started learning that his was not about me/my parenting/anything I had one ounce of control over. It didn't matter what the diagnosis was. I had to stop. For me and for him to even have the prayer of a chance. Then the real work began and still continues today.