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Parent Emeritus
Learning to let go
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 728405" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Unfortunately, this is fairly predictable behavior from our difficult kids, it seems to be a part of this process of detachment. Once we stop the enabling, the continual help, advice, constant monitoring and the exhausting taking of responsibility for their bad choices, they begin their assault of cruelty, abuse, attacks and sometimes, pretty horrific behavior towards us. The parental gravy train stops and their manipulations and abuse begins. For your own sanity and sense of peace, find ways to focus on what you need. Take care of YOU.</p><p></p><p>When my daughter was in the midst of the worst times, my husband and I used to take off, maybe once a week (sometimes twice!)....it began as a sort of escape from the negative, relentless drama, but turned into a respite for us. We would leave early and go to the ocean, the woods, the city, it didn't matter where, it was the time away that mattered so much. As we would get further from home, we would eventually stop talking about my daughter and start to enjoy the scenery and the beauty. It was a real life saver. We still do this because it's a sort of weekly mini vacation for us. It also re-connected us, separate from my daughter's behaviors. I look forward to our outings.</p><p></p><p>Find ways to prioritize what brings you joy and peace. When we're in this kind of patterned behavior with our kids, it's easy to forget that we matter too, our lives are important, our joy and peacefulness are necessary and at our age, we deserve it. </p><p></p><p>Leana, rediscover what brings your heart happiness and solace.....it's time.....it's our time now.....take it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 728405, member: 13542"] Unfortunately, this is fairly predictable behavior from our difficult kids, it seems to be a part of this process of detachment. Once we stop the enabling, the continual help, advice, constant monitoring and the exhausting taking of responsibility for their bad choices, they begin their assault of cruelty, abuse, attacks and sometimes, pretty horrific behavior towards us. The parental gravy train stops and their manipulations and abuse begins. For your own sanity and sense of peace, find ways to focus on what you need. Take care of YOU. When my daughter was in the midst of the worst times, my husband and I used to take off, maybe once a week (sometimes twice!)....it began as a sort of escape from the negative, relentless drama, but turned into a respite for us. We would leave early and go to the ocean, the woods, the city, it didn't matter where, it was the time away that mattered so much. As we would get further from home, we would eventually stop talking about my daughter and start to enjoy the scenery and the beauty. It was a real life saver. We still do this because it's a sort of weekly mini vacation for us. It also re-connected us, separate from my daughter's behaviors. I look forward to our outings. Find ways to prioritize what brings you joy and peace. When we're in this kind of patterned behavior with our kids, it's easy to forget that we matter too, our lives are important, our joy and peacefulness are necessary and at our age, we deserve it. Leana, rediscover what brings your heart happiness and solace.....it's time.....it's our time now.....take it. [/QUOTE]
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