Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Allan-Matlem, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

  2. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i like it! i dont' know about all of it yet its food for thought.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I thought that was fairly self-evident from my own experience. If either I or kiddo stay cool it helps keep the whole situation from escalating fast and furious.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea but there were alot fancier words in there LOL..........
  6. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    My difficult child brings out the worst in husband and me. My plan is to stay cool, but after difficult child's persistence I can't always control myself and I snap and start screaming back. I know - not good. What are some strategies I can use to keep myself calm when difficult child is at his worst? Sometimes I feel like I would have to be comatose not to react to him.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I've gotten better at it, but I'm far from perfect myself. Sometimes reminding yourself that they're struggling with it, too, helps. Knowing that they're doing this because they're frustrated but can't quite tell you why so you have to guess, and sometimes the guessing alone helps redirect things. Like taking care of a baby in a way, when they can't tell you if they're hungry, tired, too warm, too cold, etc. So you have to ease back a bit and ask them outright what might help, and be specific. "Are you hungry? Tired? Do you need a moment to sort your thoughts so I can help you?" that kind of thing. Every time you can take it down a notch is progress, and the more often you do the more they learn you will give that moment, that quick snack, that comfort, the more they trust you to help them. Does my kid still escalate to shoe throwing? Sometimes, but right now I consider a 20 minute argument with shoe removal a vast improvement over hours long tantrums involving total destruction.
    And yes, sometimes just being emotionally numb for a while does help get started on that road.