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lessons from wise warriors on detaching?
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 68897" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Wow, so many excellent thoughts....you guys are great. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>I definitely think the hardest thing is for me to be happy when my son is not. To not continually try and "fix" what I perceive to be his unhappiness. To not live in the past, the guilt, the loss, and to try and move forward. I really have given up everything to try and help this child, my career, my independence, my self - and now to try and claim that back, feels like somehow I have failed him. How can I move on, when he is still floundering and lost? But yet, I know that it is possibly the one last thing I have not tried......and quite possibly the one thing that would be the most effective in motivating him.</p><p></p><p>All of this is so hard though, because as one of you said, I am still caught in my own pain, grief, and depression - and so to try and bolster up my self to move on, sometimes feels as monumental as trying to motivate my child to move forward. It feels like we are both caught in a rock slide - both of us boulders pushed up against each other securing each other into the mountain wall - and when one of us moves, the other will have to drop - whether one of us, or both, ends up in small pieces, or rather roll into a new land, is the question that keeps me up at night.</p><p></p><p>Ack........I just never thought it would turn out this way. I really believed that if I put my heart and soul into my son's life to help him - therapies, the right school, the constant parental input - that he would be OK. I really could not imagine how he could not be........because it just seemed so clear cut, so straight forward........</p><p>Accepting that I did all I could is not something I come by easily. Surely I must have failed, because he is still not well? And so my instinct is to do more, more, and more..... and not doing that, but rather attempting to over ride this guttural maternal drive - feels like nothing short of an exorcism. /forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/tired.gif</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 68897, member: 3301"] Wow, so many excellent thoughts....you guys are great. Thank you. I definitely think the hardest thing is for me to be happy when my son is not. To not continually try and "fix" what I perceive to be his unhappiness. To not live in the past, the guilt, the loss, and to try and move forward. I really have given up everything to try and help this child, my career, my independence, my self - and now to try and claim that back, feels like somehow I have failed him. How can I move on, when he is still floundering and lost? But yet, I know that it is possibly the one last thing I have not tried......and quite possibly the one thing that would be the most effective in motivating him. All of this is so hard though, because as one of you said, I am still caught in my own pain, grief, and depression - and so to try and bolster up my self to move on, sometimes feels as monumental as trying to motivate my child to move forward. It feels like we are both caught in a rock slide - both of us boulders pushed up against each other securing each other into the mountain wall - and when one of us moves, the other will have to drop - whether one of us, or both, ends up in small pieces, or rather roll into a new land, is the question that keeps me up at night. Ack........I just never thought it would turn out this way. I really believed that if I put my heart and soul into my son's life to help him - therapies, the right school, the constant parental input - that he would be OK. I really could not imagine how he could not be........because it just seemed so clear cut, so straight forward........ Accepting that I did all I could is not something I come by easily. Surely I must have failed, because he is still not well? And so my instinct is to do more, more, and more..... and not doing that, but rather attempting to over ride this guttural maternal drive - feels like nothing short of an exorcism. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/tired.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]
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