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Let down my guard
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<blockquote data-quote="maril" data-source="post: 243803" data-attributes="member: 5937"><p>Marguerite (I like that name and your avatar, too!): I'll have to look for the threads on cell phones to catch up on that information. Except for a short time with a pay-as-you-go cell, my son never had his own cell phone until last spring. It has been a learning experience for all of us.</p><p> </p><p>I am like you, in that (most of the time) I try to react calmly and stay in control when difficult child explodes. It is not always easy. It is so disheartening that we can have some great conversations and communicate well during periods of calm and then during one of his outbursts, I am actually afraid of him and not sure what he will do; he cannot be reached. </p><p> </p><p><em>"When a difficult child loses his cool and shouts at a parent, it's not good. What makes it worse is when a parent immediately sees this as insubordination and responds with more aggression and attempt to control. Buddy - you've already lost control, that is not the way to regain it."</em> Absolutely a good point. </p><p> </p><p><em>"A difficult child out of control is a difficult child who cannot be reasoned with until he calms down. You saw it yourself - your difficult child was trying to regain control but was only able to do so after he got to school and the principal came out. I bet that if the principal had been standing at your gate, difficult child may still possibly have got SOME control at that point but it would have been far more difficult because it was just too soon."</em> I know this but have a hard time riding out the storm until it is over sometimes. I need to deal with my fear of what he might do and not let it overwhelm me. </p><p> </p><p><em>"To do this, if possible you need to talk to husband about how he reacted."</em> We have talked a lot in recent months about how to help our son and husband has good intentions; guess old patterns come into place in moments of crisis. </p><p> </p><p>"<em>His dad can still have unresolved problems with difficult child (for example, whatever made him angry with him in the first place, such as leaving Dad's best screwdriver set out in the rain) which husband can add in with, "I was angry about the screwdrivers and we still need to discuss what we need to do about this." </em>Yes, there are unresolved things, and husband and difficult child have talked about those issues during calmer times with a plan to make restitution. difficult child hasn't had a job since summer/fall last year, he wants to look for one, and I am encouraging but not pushing him; it would be nice for difficult child to have some of his own money and he could also start to pay dad back...</p><p> </p><p>Thanks for your response!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="maril, post: 243803, member: 5937"] Marguerite (I like that name and your avatar, too!): I'll have to look for the threads on cell phones to catch up on that information. Except for a short time with a pay-as-you-go cell, my son never had his own cell phone until last spring. It has been a learning experience for all of us. I am like you, in that (most of the time) I try to react calmly and stay in control when difficult child explodes. It is not always easy. It is so disheartening that we can have some great conversations and communicate well during periods of calm and then during one of his outbursts, I am actually afraid of him and not sure what he will do; he cannot be reached. [I]"When a difficult child loses his cool and shouts at a parent, it's not good. What makes it worse is when a parent immediately sees this as insubordination and responds with more aggression and attempt to control. Buddy - you've already lost control, that is not the way to regain it."[/I] Absolutely a good point. [I]"A difficult child out of control is a difficult child who cannot be reasoned with until he calms down. You saw it yourself - your difficult child was trying to regain control but was only able to do so after he got to school and the principal came out. I bet that if the principal had been standing at your gate, difficult child may still possibly have got SOME control at that point but it would have been far more difficult because it was just too soon."[/I] I know this but have a hard time riding out the storm until it is over sometimes. I need to deal with my fear of what he might do and not let it overwhelm me. [I]"To do this, if possible you need to talk to husband about how he reacted."[/I] We have talked a lot in recent months about how to help our son and husband has good intentions; guess old patterns come into place in moments of crisis. "[I]His dad can still have unresolved problems with difficult child (for example, whatever made him angry with him in the first place, such as leaving Dad's best screwdriver set out in the rain) which husband can add in with, "I was angry about the screwdrivers and we still need to discuss what we need to do about this." [/I]Yes, there are unresolved things, and husband and difficult child have talked about those issues during calmer times with a plan to make restitution. difficult child hasn't had a job since summer/fall last year, he wants to look for one, and I am encouraging but not pushing him; it would be nice for difficult child to have some of his own money and he could also start to pay dad back... Thanks for your response! [/QUOTE]
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