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Parent Emeritus
Letting go: I seem to be unable to do this.
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<blockquote data-quote="OTE" data-source="post: 739475"><p>So sorry you feel yourself falling. Sounds like you"re right that you're having trouble with boundaries. And he's intentionally drawing you in. Co-dependency at its worst. Not getting caught up in the traps of any relationship is hard. Whether its your adult child, ex, parents. Obviously you need to re-think the boundaries. Not replying is probably impossible for all of us. I may be the queen of tough love but I find it hard not to at least acknowledge the contact. Sometimes my reply is something like glad to hear you're well. Or sorry to hear you"re having a tough time. My pain level is bad today so I know how tough life can be. They then usually drop it cause they know they're not going to get whatever it is they're contacting me for. Plus with mine I feel that I need to remind them that we're adults, that they need to consider me too.</p><p></p><p>You want the contact to know that he's well enough to contact you. But maybe that's all you need to know. So rather than getting drawn into his content focus on his being well. Don't ask questions or reply to content. Just comment on the fact that you're glad to hear from him. Tough I know. But focus on your boundaries and try to ignore the emotions he's trying to get.</p><p></p><p>Remember that he's an adult and making choices. You have a right to a happy, peaceful life. Don't let him take that from you. Take care of yourself first. You can't make him happy but you can set yourself up to be happy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OTE, post: 739475"] So sorry you feel yourself falling. Sounds like you"re right that you're having trouble with boundaries. And he's intentionally drawing you in. Co-dependency at its worst. Not getting caught up in the traps of any relationship is hard. Whether its your adult child, ex, parents. Obviously you need to re-think the boundaries. Not replying is probably impossible for all of us. I may be the queen of tough love but I find it hard not to at least acknowledge the contact. Sometimes my reply is something like glad to hear you're well. Or sorry to hear you"re having a tough time. My pain level is bad today so I know how tough life can be. They then usually drop it cause they know they're not going to get whatever it is they're contacting me for. Plus with mine I feel that I need to remind them that we're adults, that they need to consider me too. You want the contact to know that he's well enough to contact you. But maybe that's all you need to know. So rather than getting drawn into his content focus on his being well. Don't ask questions or reply to content. Just comment on the fact that you're glad to hear from him. Tough I know. But focus on your boundaries and try to ignore the emotions he's trying to get. Remember that he's an adult and making choices. You have a right to a happy, peaceful life. Don't let him take that from you. Take care of yourself first. You can't make him happy but you can set yourself up to be happy. [/QUOTE]
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Letting go: I seem to be unable to do this.
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