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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 13703" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Sue,</p><p>in my humble opinion if the placement seems OK , I would rather have a difficult child there and not at home.</p><p>I have a theory that when difficult children are at home their brains stop working, the emotional baggage between parent and child gets in the way , we don't have the ability to give a kid the structure that a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can give. We parents can be a support for the kid, his advocate , mentor and guide without the powerstruggles that get in the way. We can thus improve our relationships with kids The kid has to make a decision about his future , clarify his goals , how to get there , obstacles and challenges in the way. We can help , not by lecturing , but by using dialog questioning, so he does the thinking and comes to conclusions. If he sees the placement as a window of opportunity to help himself and also to become a contributing member of society , he can try help others there , be a positive influence , so even if he feels a course does not apply to him, see it as a learning experience and also one to help others. His insight and ability to relate to other kids will not only benefit them , but also empower him. In any group there are those negative influences , people who don't want to make a change and take responsibility for the lives and make a positive impact on others and it is hard to avoid the flattery and charm of those who don't want us to succeed. I am not so keen on RTCs that use consequences , level systems as the main tool of behavior management and leverage. It teaches a kid what's in it for me , instead of what type of person do I want to become. Maybe he will find a peer mentor , an older person who will be a his cheerleader and confidant</p><p>He needs to have a vision for the future and how to get there.</p><p>Sending positive thoughts and prayers in your direction that there will be positive people in your kid's life to whom he will respond</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 13703, member: 10"] Sue, in my humble opinion if the placement seems OK , I would rather have a difficult child there and not at home. I have a theory that when difficult children are at home their brains stop working, the emotional baggage between parent and child gets in the way , we don't have the ability to give a kid the structure that a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can give. We parents can be a support for the kid, his advocate , mentor and guide without the powerstruggles that get in the way. We can thus improve our relationships with kids The kid has to make a decision about his future , clarify his goals , how to get there , obstacles and challenges in the way. We can help , not by lecturing , but by using dialog questioning, so he does the thinking and comes to conclusions. If he sees the placement as a window of opportunity to help himself and also to become a contributing member of society , he can try help others there , be a positive influence , so even if he feels a course does not apply to him, see it as a learning experience and also one to help others. His insight and ability to relate to other kids will not only benefit them , but also empower him. In any group there are those negative influences , people who don't want to make a change and take responsibility for the lives and make a positive impact on others and it is hard to avoid the flattery and charm of those who don't want us to succeed. I am not so keen on RTCs that use consequences , level systems as the main tool of behavior management and leverage. It teaches a kid what's in it for me , instead of what type of person do I want to become. Maybe he will find a peer mentor , an older person who will be a his cheerleader and confidant He needs to have a vision for the future and how to get there. Sending positive thoughts and prayers in your direction that there will be positive people in your kid's life to whom he will respond Allan [/QUOTE]
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