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Letting Thoughts Go...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 245623" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Somethings NOT to do - </p><p></p><p>Don't try to talk him out of it. Don't try to say, "what a lot of fuss over nothing!" DOn't try to make light of his feelings, because it will only make his feelings more intense.</p><p></p><p>We are trying a few strategies, depending on what it is difficult child 3 is upset about. The first and main strategy - face whatever it is, don't try to sweep it under the carpet.</p><p></p><p>IN this case - what is driving him? I suspect it is his feae that when HE wants cheese curls, there will be none left. So what I suggest you do (future reference maybe) is pull out the packet and put aside a couple of servings for difficult child (however many you think is fair) so he won't miss out on having some too. I found the kids calmed down a lot, once they knew that what they wanted to have, was "locked in" and untouchable by anyone else. For example, birthday cake - if one of the kids wans't home for the Great Cutting of the Birthday Cake, they still wanted to makesure they got an equal share. So we would cut a piece for them and put it in the fridge on a plate, wrapped up with their name on it. If we went around and cut another slice for everyone - asme story, leave a slice on a plate for each person not present. It is then up to the person to decide the fate of their portion of cake. If they decide they don't want it, they can say who it can go to (or it goes back to house reserves and parents decide).</p><p></p><p>Simply knowing that they won't miss out on it unless THEY choose to, really eases the anxiety.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is also fussing about this and that when he's supposed to be studying. It really interferes with his study. I've left him a couple of times to set his own working pace (because he refuses to let me keep him on task if he is too anxious) and at the end of the day I've said to him, "YOu got too distracted today. You MUST find a way to control your distracting thoughts and not allow yourself to be deflected." We're trialling a strategy of difficult child 3 writing down a list of things he remembers need to be done, so instead of actually DOING them when he should be working, he just makes a note, and later on during a break he can do the tasks on his list. I'm trying to involve difficult child 3 in solving his own problem, but to do this I've had to let the problem escalate a bit to the point where difficult child 3 is ready to accept he's not dealing with it well.</p><p></p><p>If there is another reason for anxiety to be heightened, I also remind difficult child 3 f this and let him know I am sympathetic, but once you know why, it's easier to try to assert some self-control.</p><p></p><p>It's all part of increasing self-awareness as you grow up.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 245623, member: 1991"] Somethings NOT to do - Don't try to talk him out of it. Don't try to say, "what a lot of fuss over nothing!" DOn't try to make light of his feelings, because it will only make his feelings more intense. We are trying a few strategies, depending on what it is difficult child 3 is upset about. The first and main strategy - face whatever it is, don't try to sweep it under the carpet. IN this case - what is driving him? I suspect it is his feae that when HE wants cheese curls, there will be none left. So what I suggest you do (future reference maybe) is pull out the packet and put aside a couple of servings for difficult child (however many you think is fair) so he won't miss out on having some too. I found the kids calmed down a lot, once they knew that what they wanted to have, was "locked in" and untouchable by anyone else. For example, birthday cake - if one of the kids wans't home for the Great Cutting of the Birthday Cake, they still wanted to makesure they got an equal share. So we would cut a piece for them and put it in the fridge on a plate, wrapped up with their name on it. If we went around and cut another slice for everyone - asme story, leave a slice on a plate for each person not present. It is then up to the person to decide the fate of their portion of cake. If they decide they don't want it, they can say who it can go to (or it goes back to house reserves and parents decide). Simply knowing that they won't miss out on it unless THEY choose to, really eases the anxiety. difficult child 3 is also fussing about this and that when he's supposed to be studying. It really interferes with his study. I've left him a couple of times to set his own working pace (because he refuses to let me keep him on task if he is too anxious) and at the end of the day I've said to him, "YOu got too distracted today. You MUST find a way to control your distracting thoughts and not allow yourself to be deflected." We're trialling a strategy of difficult child 3 writing down a list of things he remembers need to be done, so instead of actually DOING them when he should be working, he just makes a note, and later on during a break he can do the tasks on his list. I'm trying to involve difficult child 3 in solving his own problem, but to do this I've had to let the problem escalate a bit to the point where difficult child 3 is ready to accept he's not dealing with it well. If there is another reason for anxiety to be heightened, I also remind difficult child 3 f this and let him know I am sympathetic, but once you know why, it's easier to try to assert some self-control. It's all part of increasing self-awareness as you grow up. Marg [/QUOTE]
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