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Lie after lie
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 746298" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>YES!! My ex could be EXTREMELY "generous" - with no intention of ever paying off the debts incurred in his "generosity". He used to buy extravagant presents for me and the kids that we could not afford. I would beg him not to, and he would pout because I didn't appreciate how generous he was being. If I protested, I was the one being an ungrateful B. But I knew I was going to be the one paying the VISA bill, so how was this a "present" for me?!?! It was always stuff that was flashy and expensive but not me at all - like expensive jewelry. I don't wear jewelry. I ended up pawning it while E and I were in the DV shelter. </p><p></p><p>It ultimately cost me $30K to get out of that marriage -- credit card debts of his I took on just to get him to let me go and stop trying to claim my retirement. On top of my legal fees, of course. He remarried 6 months after the ink was dry and has spent the last 10 years running her finances into the ground. They've had a chain of evictions over the last year and are now living in a trailer on land owned by her parents. </p><p></p><p>This form of "generosity" is really just the flip side of the same impulse control problem that causes them to buy so much for themselves. While paradoxically failing to take care of the things they REALLY need - like dental care, and food, and rent. Those things take planning and foresight. Buying something fun for yourself, or for someone else, happens in the moment. </p><p></p><p>C and S both have this same mindset. Tomorrow will never come. Or something will come along that will take care of everything. C gave away his last $10 to another homeless person while he himself was homeless. Sometimes I don't know whether to admire his selflessness or try to shake some sense into him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 746298, member: 23349"] YES!! My ex could be EXTREMELY "generous" - with no intention of ever paying off the debts incurred in his "generosity". He used to buy extravagant presents for me and the kids that we could not afford. I would beg him not to, and he would pout because I didn't appreciate how generous he was being. If I protested, I was the one being an ungrateful B. But I knew I was going to be the one paying the VISA bill, so how was this a "present" for me?!?! It was always stuff that was flashy and expensive but not me at all - like expensive jewelry. I don't wear jewelry. I ended up pawning it while E and I were in the DV shelter. It ultimately cost me $30K to get out of that marriage -- credit card debts of his I took on just to get him to let me go and stop trying to claim my retirement. On top of my legal fees, of course. He remarried 6 months after the ink was dry and has spent the last 10 years running her finances into the ground. They've had a chain of evictions over the last year and are now living in a trailer on land owned by her parents. This form of "generosity" is really just the flip side of the same impulse control problem that causes them to buy so much for themselves. While paradoxically failing to take care of the things they REALLY need - like dental care, and food, and rent. Those things take planning and foresight. Buying something fun for yourself, or for someone else, happens in the moment. C and S both have this same mindset. Tomorrow will never come. Or something will come along that will take care of everything. C gave away his last $10 to another homeless person while he himself was homeless. Sometimes I don't know whether to admire his selflessness or try to shake some sense into him. [/QUOTE]
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