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Lies, Lies, and More Lies, Can The Relationship Ever Be Salvaged?
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 612988" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I agree about the lies. With my difficult child they were so pervasive, and so profound and of such long duration (they probably started in 7th grade or so) that I ultimately have no idea who he is, what his hopes are, who he likes, what he does....anything. He lived with me for a month this fall after he got out of his first and so far only 4 night stint in jail. He talked like he was scared straight. EVery day he told me he took his medications (often he volunteered it without my asking.). Every day he told me he went to a 12 step (there are dozens in our city). He told me they don't give out coins or proof of attendence anymore,...he said maybe he could get a handwritten note proving he had gone...I said that wasn't necessary, I trusted him. The night he abruptly got tired of living at home (no fight...just tired of it) and packed up, I begged him to stay and work on getting his life in order..he said he hadn't taken his medications since he left jail, and hadn't gone to a 12 step either. I could see he was getting manic, but that happens sometimes even on his medications, so I didn't suspect. He lied to me every day.</p><p>Then I thought...he is a complete stranger to me. I don't know anything about him that is true. I don't bring strangers into my home....especially not strangers who are known to lie, steal, and use drugs. </p><p>That was a real and a bad moment for me. I haven't recovered yet. I can't get past the lies. Don't even know how to have a conversation about the simplest thing with him...cause he tells so many lies.</p><p>Your son..I've been there...the abuse of your hospitality, breaking rules. I'm sorry.</p><p>I suspect it is possible to rebuild trust..I've heard for every lie you have to have 5 good experiences, or non-lies. Thats a lot, but it isn't infinite.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 612988, member: 17269"] I agree about the lies. With my difficult child they were so pervasive, and so profound and of such long duration (they probably started in 7th grade or so) that I ultimately have no idea who he is, what his hopes are, who he likes, what he does....anything. He lived with me for a month this fall after he got out of his first and so far only 4 night stint in jail. He talked like he was scared straight. EVery day he told me he took his medications (often he volunteered it without my asking.). Every day he told me he went to a 12 step (there are dozens in our city). He told me they don't give out coins or proof of attendence anymore,...he said maybe he could get a handwritten note proving he had gone...I said that wasn't necessary, I trusted him. The night he abruptly got tired of living at home (no fight...just tired of it) and packed up, I begged him to stay and work on getting his life in order..he said he hadn't taken his medications since he left jail, and hadn't gone to a 12 step either. I could see he was getting manic, but that happens sometimes even on his medications, so I didn't suspect. He lied to me every day. Then I thought...he is a complete stranger to me. I don't know anything about him that is true. I don't bring strangers into my home....especially not strangers who are known to lie, steal, and use drugs. That was a real and a bad moment for me. I haven't recovered yet. I can't get past the lies. Don't even know how to have a conversation about the simplest thing with him...cause he tells so many lies. Your son..I've been there...the abuse of your hospitality, breaking rules. I'm sorry. I suspect it is possible to rebuild trust..I've heard for every lie you have to have 5 good experiences, or non-lies. Thats a lot, but it isn't infinite. [/QUOTE]
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Lies, Lies, and More Lies, Can The Relationship Ever Be Salvaged?
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