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Life Goes On. A Self Reflection.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 712378" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I have been really, really busy at work, home and on the ocean paddling. Keeping busy is my go to as well as prayer. I am so very thankful that this site is here, it is definitely a soft place to land.....an oasis. </p><p> </p><p>Thank you ksm, my goodness, you have so much on your plate with the two girls. Wishing you peace in your life and reflecting on what a remarkable, genuinely good person you are. Please make sure to get some rest and quality time for you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Love, pule and aloha pumehana Kalahou. You are a survivor as well. We walk these paths in our lives, I truly believe it is a sort of "training" for us. Thank you so very much for your kind words of encouragement. It is good to know that a fellow wahine koa is living close by, going through a similar journey and <em>thriving.</em></p><p> Thank you so much SWOT.</p><p></p><p> february, your prayers are much appreciated, I pray for you and yours as well. Prayer is powerful.</p><p></p><p>Alby, you are wise in this. We are constantly presented with this challenge whether we have contact or not. If I let it wear on my soul, it does no good to anyone. I am reminded of Viktor Frankl's wisdom in this quote</p><p><em>"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." </em></p><p>In our way finding with this most distressing dilemma of our beloveds lifestyles, we are bound to trip and fall. We gave our hearts raising our children. What has been the saving grace is the hope that they will see their full potential. I still hold on to that hope, but I no longer sacrifice my time waiting for that to happen.</p><p> srtl, you have been there as a rock of support for me, too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, prayers for you as well.</p><p> RN, you are so sweet. I am sorry for being gone so long. I had to find my footing on griefs difficult trail as life whirled around, a tempest. The fog set in, and still does at times. Hugs and prayers to you, dear soldier.</p><p> Jabber, thank you for your kindness. I think we all deserve love and happiness and there is a way to find that despite what is happening with our "gifts from God". I have come to look at pursuing that joy as a mission and a way to show my troubled children a different view. What good does it do if I drown in their sea of drama and stress? I do think that sometimes their unconscientious objective is to keep me desperate and miserable, so that I can't think straight. Whether it is done subconsciously, or willfully, it matters not, it is up to me to chart my course.</p><p> Hugs to you JB, thank you so much for reaching out. You are right, it is different for mothers and daughters. Stay strong Mama Bear!</p><p> Tanya, there are not enough words to express my appreciation for your heart thoughts upon the pages of CD. You were the first of staff to respond to my initial post back in 2015. This place has been a respite, a life raft to hold on to.</p><p>Mahalo for sharing your viewpoint on <em>embracing</em> callouses. At times, I wonder if I have become too <em>hardened</em>, but then realize it is a necessary protection, to build a thick skin after sinking into the pit of desperation over my two, my grands, so many, many, times. In that state of despair, I am not able to guard my heart and think clearly, then I am really on a synchronistic journey with my two. I love them dearly, and have decided that the way to truly help them find their best selves, is to find mine.Thank you Tanya.</p><p> Time and circumstances are forever changing. The end of our stories is not yet written, Ferb is so young Pigless. Perhaps, with age and experience, he will understand how much you mean to him, perhaps not. You are right, you cannot go down in chaos with him, there has to be someone to stand ground in defiance of the drama and utter "Nevermore".</p><p> We cannot help anyone who does not really want <em>true </em>help. Adult children feeling entitled, relying on and at the same time making a mockery of the grace of "unconditional love" flipping it on its backside, constantly overstepping boundaries and breaking hearts of their closest family members. </p><p>Maybe, it takes a rebuilding of those boundaries, a redrawing of lines, reestablishing our own self respect so that we can stand strong and say "ENOUGH!" It is what I have had to do, and my two have "punished" me with no contact, as with Ferb, no connection, going long periods of time with no word or notion of how they are doing. If I do receive a phone call, a visit, it is usually accompanied with requests for money or a litany of their suffering the consequences of their choices. I do my best not to go into "bailout" mode, or to sink back into old habits of worrying, stressing and overthinking. Sigh. Prayer and long walks have helped. </p><p>Warm hugs to you Pigless, keep fighting the good fight for your own peace of mind and heart.</p><p>All of my love and prayers go out to my fellow warriors, those who responded, as well as those following along.</p><p> Take heart, there is a light at the end of the tunnel whether our children have pivoted, or not. That light is that there is always hope for our d c's, but most of all, there is a way to turn our own despair into determination to find peace and joy.</p><p>Much Aloha and (((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 712378, member: 19522"] I have been really, really busy at work, home and on the ocean paddling. Keeping busy is my go to as well as prayer. I am so very thankful that this site is here, it is definitely a soft place to land.....an oasis. Thank you ksm, my goodness, you have so much on your plate with the two girls. Wishing you peace in your life and reflecting on what a remarkable, genuinely good person you are. Please make sure to get some rest and quality time for you. Love, pule and aloha pumehana Kalahou. You are a survivor as well. We walk these paths in our lives, I truly believe it is a sort of "training" for us. Thank you so very much for your kind words of encouragement. It is good to know that a fellow wahine koa is living close by, going through a similar journey and [I]thriving.[/I] Thank you so much SWOT. february, your prayers are much appreciated, I pray for you and yours as well. Prayer is powerful. Alby, you are wise in this. We are constantly presented with this challenge whether we have contact or not. If I let it wear on my soul, it does no good to anyone. I am reminded of Viktor Frankl's wisdom in this quote [I]"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." [/I] In our way finding with this most distressing dilemma of our beloveds lifestyles, we are bound to trip and fall. We gave our hearts raising our children. What has been the saving grace is the hope that they will see their full potential. I still hold on to that hope, but I no longer sacrifice my time waiting for that to happen. srtl, you have been there as a rock of support for me, too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, prayers for you as well. RN, you are so sweet. I am sorry for being gone so long. I had to find my footing on griefs difficult trail as life whirled around, a tempest. The fog set in, and still does at times. Hugs and prayers to you, dear soldier. Jabber, thank you for your kindness. I think we all deserve love and happiness and there is a way to find that despite what is happening with our "gifts from God". I have come to look at pursuing that joy as a mission and a way to show my troubled children a different view. What good does it do if I drown in their sea of drama and stress? I do think that sometimes their unconscientious objective is to keep me desperate and miserable, so that I can't think straight. Whether it is done subconsciously, or willfully, it matters not, it is up to me to chart my course. Hugs to you JB, thank you so much for reaching out. You are right, it is different for mothers and daughters. Stay strong Mama Bear! Tanya, there are not enough words to express my appreciation for your heart thoughts upon the pages of CD. You were the first of staff to respond to my initial post back in 2015. This place has been a respite, a life raft to hold on to. Mahalo for sharing your viewpoint on [I]embracing[/I] callouses. At times, I wonder if I have become too [I]hardened[/I], but then realize it is a necessary protection, to build a thick skin after sinking into the pit of desperation over my two, my grands, so many, many, times. In that state of despair, I am not able to guard my heart and think clearly, then I am really on a synchronistic journey with my two. I love them dearly, and have decided that the way to truly help them find their best selves, is to find mine.Thank you Tanya. Time and circumstances are forever changing. The end of our stories is not yet written, Ferb is so young Pigless. Perhaps, with age and experience, he will understand how much you mean to him, perhaps not. You are right, you cannot go down in chaos with him, there has to be someone to stand ground in defiance of the drama and utter "Nevermore". We cannot help anyone who does not really want [I]true [/I]help. Adult children feeling entitled, relying on and at the same time making a mockery of the grace of "unconditional love" flipping it on its backside, constantly overstepping boundaries and breaking hearts of their closest family members. Maybe, it takes a rebuilding of those boundaries, a redrawing of lines, reestablishing our own self respect so that we can stand strong and say "ENOUGH!" It is what I have had to do, and my two have "punished" me with no contact, as with Ferb, no connection, going long periods of time with no word or notion of how they are doing. If I do receive a phone call, a visit, it is usually accompanied with requests for money or a litany of their suffering the consequences of their choices. I do my best not to go into "bailout" mode, or to sink back into old habits of worrying, stressing and overthinking. Sigh. Prayer and long walks have helped. Warm hugs to you Pigless, keep fighting the good fight for your own peace of mind and heart. All of my love and prayers go out to my fellow warriors, those who responded, as well as those following along. Take heart, there is a light at the end of the tunnel whether our children have pivoted, or not. That light is that there is always hope for our d c's, but most of all, there is a way to turn our own despair into determination to find peace and joy. Much Aloha and (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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