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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 116116" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>There are ways and there are ways... although I do like the Bill Cosby method.</p><p></p><p>Role playing is good. Some games are good - various forms of "Game of Life" can be fun and educational.</p><p></p><p>There are also ways to remind a kid, without seeming to remind them. "Do you want your dinner before or after you shower?" is a good one. "Because I figured you'd maybe want extra time so you can wash your hair, so it will be pretty and bouncy for school in the morning."</p><p></p><p>I took my kids shopping with me. I needed their help anyway. We shop to a list, so sometimes while in the supermarket I'd hand them the list and say, "Go find me the most economical baked beans," or they would see something yummy and beg me to buy it. We would stand there in the supermarket and discuss it. "How much does it cost? Why do you want it? Is it because you think the product is extra good, or is it connected to a commercial marketing gimmick, such as a 'free toy'? Is there another almost identical product which is cheaper? Do we already have something like it at home?"</p><p>Sometimes, often, they could talk me into it. But they needed to justify it first. "I want to buy that brand of cordial because it's made from fruit juice and so it tastes better. We are running low on cordial and I do use it to take my medications, which taste horrible and need a shot of concentrated sugar to kill the taste."</p><p>A good justification would be rewarded with buying the product (if we could afford it).</p><p>The kids would help me at the checkout, unloading the trolley onto the conveyor in a sensible order, then re-packing the trolley so we could then load things into the box in the car. Process the heavy unbreakable stuff first. Do NOT put vol-au-vent cases or crisps at the bottom under the bottles of lemonade. Handle the paper bags of flour and sugar with utmost care, since a hole in a bag will be messy. </p><p></p><p>When kids complain about the menu, I happily hand them the job for a week. "You plan the menus, you work out the necessary ingredients, you go buy them, you budget for them, you prepare it all, you field the complaints." I've never actually handed over the reins - somehow they always change their mind and withdraw the complaint. But also sometimes they say, "I WOULD like a change though. I'd lOVE to have X meal again."</p><p>"That's fine - if YOU prepare it," I reply. I know I am going to get 'suckered' in to helping, but as far as possible I get them to do it all.</p><p></p><p>The result has been, the kids learn to work as part of the family team. They also take that team spirit with them when they leave home, and work with other flatmates. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I've been too ill to cook and I've had to get the kids to do it. I remember one particular time when I was flat on my back (literally) with aseptic meningitis. I had previously planned a Sri Lankan curry (noted for rich flavour but not too much chilli) so I told the kids which recipe book to use and from my bed, I helped them get organised. They had to have all ingredients gathered together before they started. They sliced and cut the onion - I gave them a suggestion on how to do it with minimum tears - cut up ginger and garlic and put it in little pots at the ready. They got a bowl and put in it the curry powder and spice mix then they began to cook. They still burned the onion and spice mix, but with this recipe it actually improves the flavour. They were very proud of the end result. It's a recipe which simmers very gently for a couple of hours and all afternoon those kids could smell the delicious results of their work.</p><p></p><p>We now have BF2 living with us. He alone produces more washing than the rest of us put together, so I gave him a lesson in how to use the washing machine. He is getting other lessons too, we all have our own way of doing things and he is learning this.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was paid for his role in the movie (I posted in Watercooler - "The Black Balloon" is being launched at Berlin Film Festival next month). This meant he had to file a tax return because the film people had to withhold tax. So when difficult child 3 got his tax refund cheque, I made him put it in the bank on his own. I was nearby, but he did it all - worked out what sort of transaction it was, went to the relevant window, had any paperwork ready (such as his account card and other ID) and put the transaction slip into his wallet when it was done. He was very proud of himself for doing this.</p><p></p><p>There are so many things - each day brings opportunities to learn life skills which we often don't realise at the time. We just do it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 116116, member: 1991"] There are ways and there are ways... although I do like the Bill Cosby method. Role playing is good. Some games are good - various forms of "Game of Life" can be fun and educational. There are also ways to remind a kid, without seeming to remind them. "Do you want your dinner before or after you shower?" is a good one. "Because I figured you'd maybe want extra time so you can wash your hair, so it will be pretty and bouncy for school in the morning." I took my kids shopping with me. I needed their help anyway. We shop to a list, so sometimes while in the supermarket I'd hand them the list and say, "Go find me the most economical baked beans," or they would see something yummy and beg me to buy it. We would stand there in the supermarket and discuss it. "How much does it cost? Why do you want it? Is it because you think the product is extra good, or is it connected to a commercial marketing gimmick, such as a 'free toy'? Is there another almost identical product which is cheaper? Do we already have something like it at home?" Sometimes, often, they could talk me into it. But they needed to justify it first. "I want to buy that brand of cordial because it's made from fruit juice and so it tastes better. We are running low on cordial and I do use it to take my medications, which taste horrible and need a shot of concentrated sugar to kill the taste." A good justification would be rewarded with buying the product (if we could afford it). The kids would help me at the checkout, unloading the trolley onto the conveyor in a sensible order, then re-packing the trolley so we could then load things into the box in the car. Process the heavy unbreakable stuff first. Do NOT put vol-au-vent cases or crisps at the bottom under the bottles of lemonade. Handle the paper bags of flour and sugar with utmost care, since a hole in a bag will be messy. When kids complain about the menu, I happily hand them the job for a week. "You plan the menus, you work out the necessary ingredients, you go buy them, you budget for them, you prepare it all, you field the complaints." I've never actually handed over the reins - somehow they always change their mind and withdraw the complaint. But also sometimes they say, "I WOULD like a change though. I'd lOVE to have X meal again." "That's fine - if YOU prepare it," I reply. I know I am going to get 'suckered' in to helping, but as far as possible I get them to do it all. The result has been, the kids learn to work as part of the family team. They also take that team spirit with them when they leave home, and work with other flatmates. Sometimes I've been too ill to cook and I've had to get the kids to do it. I remember one particular time when I was flat on my back (literally) with aseptic meningitis. I had previously planned a Sri Lankan curry (noted for rich flavour but not too much chilli) so I told the kids which recipe book to use and from my bed, I helped them get organised. They had to have all ingredients gathered together before they started. They sliced and cut the onion - I gave them a suggestion on how to do it with minimum tears - cut up ginger and garlic and put it in little pots at the ready. They got a bowl and put in it the curry powder and spice mix then they began to cook. They still burned the onion and spice mix, but with this recipe it actually improves the flavour. They were very proud of the end result. It's a recipe which simmers very gently for a couple of hours and all afternoon those kids could smell the delicious results of their work. We now have BF2 living with us. He alone produces more washing than the rest of us put together, so I gave him a lesson in how to use the washing machine. He is getting other lessons too, we all have our own way of doing things and he is learning this. difficult child 3 was paid for his role in the movie (I posted in Watercooler - "The Black Balloon" is being launched at Berlin Film Festival next month). This meant he had to file a tax return because the film people had to withhold tax. So when difficult child 3 got his tax refund cheque, I made him put it in the bank on his own. I was nearby, but he did it all - worked out what sort of transaction it was, went to the relevant window, had any paperwork ready (such as his account card and other ID) and put the transaction slip into his wallet when it was done. He was very proud of himself for doing this. There are so many things - each day brings opportunities to learn life skills which we often don't realise at the time. We just do it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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