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Family of Origin
Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 628193" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That you were able to hold yourself in compassion and cry for the child you were, that you were able to identify and cry for the unfairness of what happened to her ~ Ha! That is GREAT, MWM. That means you reclaimed some little piece of yourself for yourself. You will never be vulnerable in just that same way, again. Other vulnerabilities, yes ~ until you find and work through them. But not that particular one. That is your energy, now.</p><p></p><p>All for you.</p><p></p><p>As it was meant to be, from the beginning.</p><p></p><p>*********</p><p></p><p>All those shameful things that happened, all those times we were seen and treated as less than ~ we need to relearn that stuff and reclaim ourselves, MWM. We need to see through our adult eyes just who was playing what role and what the adult involved got out of that thing that cost us so much. </p><p></p><p>We need to see what we were taught to name ourselves through those experiences, and we need to really get it that those things we were made to learn about who and how we are never had any validity.</p><p></p><p>WE WERE JUST LITTLE GIRLS, MWM.</p><p></p><p>There is no way we could have been responsible, no way we could have fixed or changed a thing.</p><p></p><p>We need to see with our adult eyes what the adults who were supposed to be parenting and cherishing and teaching us how to survive and love and be honest and kind...what were they teaching us, instead?</p><p></p><p>And what could they possibly have gotten out of it that would ever justify the pain and the years of uncertainty and wrong thinking their little victory cost <em>us</em>?</p><p></p><p>It cost you a mother and a sister. It cost your sister a grandmother and a sister. </p><p></p><p>I feel badly for all of us.</p><p></p><p>*************</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>She willed the money to you, MWM. </p><p></p><p>That must have been a slap in the face for your mother.</p><p></p><p>***********</p><p></p><p>They say one person who loves us can save us. I had a grandmother who loved me too, MWM.</p><p></p><p>For anyone reading this? Never underestimate the effect your love has on your grandchild. Whatever the circumstances, however seldom you see them...your love can change everything, for your grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>***************</p><p></p><p>What I find, the more closely I examine the hurts from my past, is that there is no one I do not find myself viewing with compassion by the end of it. </p><p></p><p>Note I said by the end, not at the beginning.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>At the beginning, I am overwhelmed at the stupidity of what was happening, at the wrongness of all of it. So much hurt, recycled again and again, until it got us all.</p><p></p><p>*****************</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel that way too sometimes, about my family of origin. Part of that is because there is so much in me that is numb. It is like I am watching a movie where everyone is ignoring that the craziest, most unconnected things are happening. As the numbness thaws, I realize it is a really, really sad movie. I am trying to stop or change something.</p><p></p><p>It's already happened.</p><p></p><p>I can't change it now.</p><p></p><p>But I can see it through my adult eyes.</p><p></p><p>And feel compassion for the child that I was.</p><p></p><p>And that changes everything.</p><p></p><p>That is the point of all of this, MWM. Not to lay blame or to make accusations, but to revisit what we've lived through and view ourselves with compassion for all that we got that we never should have been given, and for all that we so desperately needed, and never received.</p><p></p><p>And there, we find compassion for all of us, abused and abuser, alike.</p><p></p><p>It was just such a mess.</p><p></p><p>But we have something the others don't have, MWM. And that is the courage to revisit the past and see what happened. To see what happened to us, and to refuse to carry it on to the next generation.</p><p></p><p>I wish you every peaceful thought tonight, Pam.</p><p></p><p>You are an amazing woman. You have raised children who are stronger, in some intrinsic way, than you or I ever were.</p><p></p><p>We are doing well, MWM.</p><p></p><p>How are you? There is strength in naming what happened, and in reclaiming ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 628193, member: 17461"] That you were able to hold yourself in compassion and cry for the child you were, that you were able to identify and cry for the unfairness of what happened to her ~ Ha! That is GREAT, MWM. That means you reclaimed some little piece of yourself for yourself. You will never be vulnerable in just that same way, again. Other vulnerabilities, yes ~ until you find and work through them. But not that particular one. That is your energy, now. All for you. As it was meant to be, from the beginning. ********* All those shameful things that happened, all those times we were seen and treated as less than ~ we need to relearn that stuff and reclaim ourselves, MWM. We need to see through our adult eyes just who was playing what role and what the adult involved got out of that thing that cost us so much. We need to see what we were taught to name ourselves through those experiences, and we need to really get it that those things we were made to learn about who and how we are never had any validity. WE WERE JUST LITTLE GIRLS, MWM. There is no way we could have been responsible, no way we could have fixed or changed a thing. We need to see with our adult eyes what the adults who were supposed to be parenting and cherishing and teaching us how to survive and love and be honest and kind...what were they teaching us, instead? And what could they possibly have gotten out of it that would ever justify the pain and the years of uncertainty and wrong thinking their little victory cost [I]us[/I]? It cost you a mother and a sister. It cost your sister a grandmother and a sister. I feel badly for all of us. ************* She willed the money to you, MWM. That must have been a slap in the face for your mother. *********** They say one person who loves us can save us. I had a grandmother who loved me too, MWM. For anyone reading this? Never underestimate the effect your love has on your grandchild. Whatever the circumstances, however seldom you see them...your love can change everything, for your grandchildren. *************** What I find, the more closely I examine the hurts from my past, is that there is no one I do not find myself viewing with compassion by the end of it. Note I said by the end, not at the beginning. :O) At the beginning, I am overwhelmed at the stupidity of what was happening, at the wrongness of all of it. So much hurt, recycled again and again, until it got us all. ***************** I feel that way too sometimes, about my family of origin. Part of that is because there is so much in me that is numb. It is like I am watching a movie where everyone is ignoring that the craziest, most unconnected things are happening. As the numbness thaws, I realize it is a really, really sad movie. I am trying to stop or change something. It's already happened. I can't change it now. But I can see it through my adult eyes. And feel compassion for the child that I was. And that changes everything. That is the point of all of this, MWM. Not to lay blame or to make accusations, but to revisit what we've lived through and view ourselves with compassion for all that we got that we never should have been given, and for all that we so desperately needed, and never received. And there, we find compassion for all of us, abused and abuser, alike. It was just such a mess. But we have something the others don't have, MWM. And that is the courage to revisit the past and see what happened. To see what happened to us, and to refuse to carry it on to the next generation. I wish you every peaceful thought tonight, Pam. You are an amazing woman. You have raised children who are stronger, in some intrinsic way, than you or I ever were. We are doing well, MWM. How are you? There is strength in naming what happened, and in reclaiming ourselves. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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