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life without the ex.......
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 418009" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>That is good news regarding the ex. I would ask husband if he feels a weight lifted off his shoulder - has he been able to get more work done without her constant interruptions? You have stated how many hours he puts in for his business and I am thinking how much easier his days go without his ex texting all the time.</p><p> </p><p>Do you mention to him how more peaceful the day has gone (no need to mention the reason for the peacefulness, just ask if he has noticed - in a day or two ask what he thinks is making the difference, let him figure it out - less texts from ex means less stress!).</p><p> </p><p>His world is changing as drastically as yours. He has been in the "fight" for so long that all he knows is what has become his day to day , week to week, focus on work and what needs to be done with the ex and kids. This is all new to him too and he is finally realizing that he can not balance his past life with ex with his current life with you. He doesn't know how to let go of the past without hurting his ex or the kids.</p><p> </p><p>Help him focus on the good times like a peaceful day - a productive day because there was no interruptions.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he is overwhelmed with everything that has happened in the last several years and doesn't know how to face it. He has always hidden in his business but issues are not going away for him. He needs to know that he can find a way to make his life and his family's (you and the kids) what he wants it to be and if that means putting tighter boundaries on ex's involvement in his life than so be it. They are already not together, she is a grown up who has already had him out of her day to day life (or should have) and it is not up to him to make sure she does not get hurt by cementing the already terms of ending that relationship. That bond has already been severed and they both have to let go! He has to walk away and let her figure out how to deal with her own life. Yes, she may be hurt but she has already lost him and everyday he lets her hang on will make it worse for everyone (even the kids). </p><p> </p><p>Sounds like he is ready to choose between her and you and has taken a step toward you. It is hard for him to do so and he will struggle with it until he sees and feels that he has done the right thing. He needs to realize that people will get hurt but he can no longer walk the fence line - it is better off for everyone if he can choose to commit to his current marriage.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 418009, member: 5096"] That is good news regarding the ex. I would ask husband if he feels a weight lifted off his shoulder - has he been able to get more work done without her constant interruptions? You have stated how many hours he puts in for his business and I am thinking how much easier his days go without his ex texting all the time. Do you mention to him how more peaceful the day has gone (no need to mention the reason for the peacefulness, just ask if he has noticed - in a day or two ask what he thinks is making the difference, let him figure it out - less texts from ex means less stress!). His world is changing as drastically as yours. He has been in the "fight" for so long that all he knows is what has become his day to day , week to week, focus on work and what needs to be done with the ex and kids. This is all new to him too and he is finally realizing that he can not balance his past life with ex with his current life with you. He doesn't know how to let go of the past without hurting his ex or the kids. Help him focus on the good times like a peaceful day - a productive day because there was no interruptions. Maybe he is overwhelmed with everything that has happened in the last several years and doesn't know how to face it. He has always hidden in his business but issues are not going away for him. He needs to know that he can find a way to make his life and his family's (you and the kids) what he wants it to be and if that means putting tighter boundaries on ex's involvement in his life than so be it. They are already not together, she is a grown up who has already had him out of her day to day life (or should have) and it is not up to him to make sure she does not get hurt by cementing the already terms of ending that relationship. That bond has already been severed and they both have to let go! He has to walk away and let her figure out how to deal with her own life. Yes, she may be hurt but she has already lost him and everyday he lets her hang on will make it worse for everyone (even the kids). Sounds like he is ready to choose between her and you and has taken a step toward you. It is hard for him to do so and he will struggle with it until he sees and feels that he has done the right thing. He needs to realize that people will get hurt but he can no longer walk the fence line - it is better off for everyone if he can choose to commit to his current marriage. [/QUOTE]
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