little manipulator......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy423, Jan 28, 2009.

  1. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    She found a new way to take cash. And not just from us, but from almost every administrator/teacher!

    She tells someone that she "forgot" her lunch or her lunch money. They'll usually end up giving her anything from a $5 to $10 for lunch. husband and I had NO IDEA she was a con artist. We have both given her lunch money (in the form of a check since we know she can't use it anywhere else but school) BUT she has to ask us when she'd like to buy lunch - otherwise we make sure she brings a sack lunch.

    Today she hit up both nurses for lunch money. Once they both told her they didn't have any change she pulls out a wad of money! :mad: One of them called me on my cell, which I forgot on the charger at home, so I just now got the message. Great. So now I have to find out who the heck she conned and out of how much $$.......and then I have to find out just how much cash she's got without causing a meldown.:anxious:

    I'll be mass emailing the school right now letting them know she is NOT to ask for money - and if she does, she is to be told "no".:whiteflag:
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear.
    My difficult child has gotten lunch on many occasions, but the teachers never give him more than $1 for the drink machine. They have often given him their entire lunch!
    I have repeatedly told them, in person and in email, not to do that. He simply doesn't like what I have packed for him.
    I finally went in person and watched him eat, and also asked the teacher right in front of him one day. That put an end to it.
    At least, for now.
    The problem, Nancy, is that once we put out that fire, another one will be lit somewhere. These kids are clever!
    Anyway, good luck.
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    My school had the great idea (not) of giving the kids cards for lunch, kinda like credit cards that you preload, but they will allow 5 charges without the funds. Well, that was an invitation to throw away lunch and buy snacks, throw lunches away and wait til the teacher tells you to charge, tell the teacher you have no lunch and have the teacher call home when you have told them not to allow any charges to ask permission to charge...only to be told to check his bookbag, he has a sandwich, I put it there myself...well, he didn't pack a snack, good grief. Oh, I didn't mention when he stole husband's coin collection to buy...twice.
  4. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Kathie - YES - those stupid lunch "charge" year we had a teacher hide it in her desk so difficult child would stop charging lunches. We never got a bill because they'd send it home with her! We'd finally get one mailed home totalling $20-30!!

    Terry - you're right, if it's not this - it'll be something else tomorrow.....

    I chickened out - didn't ask her. She was in a "mood" and I felt it wasn't the right time. Now that she's done with- homework (and forgot to bring home her math book AGAIN to do her math) I might approach her. She's goofing off with- a neighbor friend now....

    well, that was NOT the right time either. uh ho.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    We had a lot of trouble with Wiz over the middle school lunch cards. He would take the check and put it all on the snack bar part of the card, then pig out on $10 worth of junk food and be horrible all afternoon/evening. And even if I wrote that it was for regular lunch line only it often wound up on the snack bar part of the card.

    Or he would have $20 or more in charges and we wouldn't know until a bill came, or a note that he couldn't get his report card until it was paid.

    I have to confess. I would go to the office at school and tell them that "Daddy doesn't get paid until Tuesday." I always IMPLIED I didn't have a lunch, I never outright said I didn't. But they would let me charge a school lunch then. Or let me charge it and never bill for it. My mom was HORRIFIED when she learned about this. I kept it low, so no one called my parents to offer the free lunch program. That would have given it ALL away and warmed my tushie.

    Getting $5 or $10 from a teacher is way too much. How much is a school lunch? Part of this is the TEACHER'S fault. Teachers should know that lunch doesn't cost $10.

    Sending hugs, I know this is embarrassing. Just remember that YOU did NOTHING wrong. It was your difficult child, NOT YOU. So SHE should be embarrassed, not you.
  6. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    It was a dumb system to start with. The corporations who have pursued our childrens lunch money by placing 'machines' and having the prepaid credit/debit system are doing favors for the companies. Where school employ chefs and serve freash food they use the same buget and the children are not learning to eat food process. Sugar is the gate way drug. Cornsyrup, whatever the durivitive it is poison for children.
    It is known to be unhealthy it is an inapropriate substance in a school.
  7. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    No, I think they just give her the smallest bill they have....and lunches are up to $2.50. BUT it's the fact that I don't see her purchasing more lunches than usual (her account had enough for 10 days and she charged 10 days) so my gut is telling me it's not really for a lunch.

    She's just conning these people out of cash. (???)
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I had a similar issue with my child trying to get money from other people and running up "lunch charges" and then getting hit with a big bill at the end of the quarter. Talking to the school did nothing--since everyone's policy seemed to be "We're NOT denying a child food...and if they say they don't have it then..." And unfortunately, there was no way to resolve this.

    About two years ago we moved, and the kids are now in a much stricter and more conservative SD. They do not even sell ice cream or other treats every day. They are only offered on Fridays and snacks are sold as a fund-raiser by the P.T.O.. Further, if your child needs to "charge" a lunch...the school provides peanut-butter and jelly only, and then places an immediate call to the parents to notify them that the child did not have a lunch that day. And if your child forgot their morning snack? The teacher offers a replacement snack ONCE--after that, tough luck....they know the child will not starve before lunch time.

    Since being in the stricter SD--the "lunch money" issues have vanished.

    I wish all schools could apply that level of common sense to children's lunch programs.

  9. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    There is a big difference between denying a child food who is intitled to a free lunch, for example and what do they get? One lunch...not four. And a child whose parents are paying for meals and the child who is using that as an income stream.
    I do realize that there are many many people who are not thinkers...they have that all or nothing aproach. The pbj and phone call home is a good aproach.(unless allergic)
    Kids arrive at school with all sorts of situations. The times when my son did not eat his breakfast because he threw it away befor school. I let teacher know he was hungry arriving to school that day and why. natural consequences are straight forward.
    Other times I called and pleaded with the office to feed him a little something because he had not been in an emotional state to eat breakfast and then turned around just in time to arrive on time.

    This situation, where the school staff is loaning a child and then billing the parent after the fact...the card blanc kid...that doesn't happen to the free lunch kid.

    That is a pandemic problem right now with adults and children who completely lose sight of what a budget is and that that is all you get. Children who are raised in that environment under the lessons where their parents are not moderating their behavior between needs, wants, and the budget and therefor they are not teaching limits.

    I am not going to deny a child food...even that is not a healthy posture. is the child diabetic? have a peanut allergy? is this child being neglected at home (not fed for no good reason )?is this a way for the child to get sympathy and attention because they are having an emotional problem? If so does it warent an intervention?

    THis is not yet a famine country. And while children do deserve to be well treated by adults at all time giving food without an agreement with their parent first enters into an realm that can be suspect. At school this is one of the areas when the employed staff need to make the time and do the inquiries.
  10. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    What I'm trying to teach her is that she just can't go around asking for money. It IS about budgeting and taking care of your needs kind of responsibility. This has become such a credit-seeking society.

    Oh, you dont' have the cash for it? Buy it on credit! And hey, we'll even give you 90 days to pay it off!! What a deal! Next thing you know, the bill comes and you still don't have the money to pay for it.

    I think I'd understand more if she were actually using this loaned money for lunch.....