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General Parenting
Living with Tennage Daughter diagnosis with Borderline (BPD)
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 527932" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>I understand better what you mean. </p><p>The language difference does not help either, do it ?</p><p></p><p>However, even if diagnosis are different, similar methods can work. </p><p>You think that it seems unrealistic advice. I know that when you read it, the task seems daunting. But it's just a way you perceive the problem, because actually, mommy implemented what I said. I am not a parent, but mommy implemented the same methods I suggest. </p><p>My mom is absolutely not a professional (neither a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a nanny, a social worker....), she is just a mom. </p><p></p><p>Diagnosis differ, but the root basics are the same. </p><p>So, even if the method has to be adapted, the basics stay. </p><p>For example, let take the PECS for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). We say that "they are photos". </p><p>The root basics of PECS is that it is visual, with pictures. But if a child understands better pictograms than photos, be it, there is no drama. The only key point is that the person understands the picture and can use it with people around her. The root basics is using a picture exchange for communication. As we say in French, we say "all the rest is only literature", meaning that it does not break the boat if one person has the word under the picture and the other person does not have the word under. </p><p>The most important is the basics, and I won't emphasize enough on them. The rest is not a drama. </p><p></p><p>Diagnosis are different, but they can share common points. </p><p>Self help does not have to relay only on persons with identical diagnosis. A diagnosis helps, but it does not do everything. And we don't have to prevent ourselves from using tips which work with persons with, let say FASD or Prader-Willi syndrome only because "my child does not have this diagnosis". </p><p>A diagnosis is not all our identity, it's not our child identity. It explain issues, or better, a group of issues. But it's not an identity. </p><p>I may not have a diagnosis of Borderline (BPD) myself, sure. But we can share similarities despite different diagnosis. </p><p></p><p>What I noticed is that with persons with mental health conditions, the basics are the same : choosing our battles, understandable informations, baby steps and a lot of patience. </p><p>My mom is by no means a professional : she is a mom like you are moms, and I am her daughter. </p><p>However, she learnt the harsh way about picking up the battles, baby steps and a great deal of patience. It was not easy for <u>both</u> (not only for me, not only for her). So, yes, she implements the advice I give to other parents with difficult child, because I am a difficult child myself. And if you carefully read, they are exactly the same advice you exchange one another here. </p><p>Of course, some points won't work for me or for someone else. Of course, if a child understands better colors than time frame, giving him a piece of info in time frame goes nowhere, because it's not understandable. If a child does not hear + has sensory issues and you want him to go to a birthday party and having him to stay during all the birthday party, no wonder a meltdown will happen some time. </p><p></p><p>What I say is not much a "professional advice", as I am not a professional myself, nor is my mommy. </p><p>It is more something what worked with me and what didn't. It does not absolutely prevent comment sense at all.</p><p></p><p>I was asking what do you fear of losing when a person speaks from a different perspective not much because I was offended, but it is what I perceived from you. I apologize if I am wrong. </p><p>I can also be wrong, I don't aim any more for perfection.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 527932, member: 14306"] I understand better what you mean. The language difference does not help either, do it ? However, even if diagnosis are different, similar methods can work. You think that it seems unrealistic advice. I know that when you read it, the task seems daunting. But it's just a way you perceive the problem, because actually, mommy implemented what I said. I am not a parent, but mommy implemented the same methods I suggest. My mom is absolutely not a professional (neither a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a nanny, a social worker....), she is just a mom. Diagnosis differ, but the root basics are the same. So, even if the method has to be adapted, the basics stay. For example, let take the PECS for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). We say that "they are photos". The root basics of PECS is that it is visual, with pictures. But if a child understands better pictograms than photos, be it, there is no drama. The only key point is that the person understands the picture and can use it with people around her. The root basics is using a picture exchange for communication. As we say in French, we say "all the rest is only literature", meaning that it does not break the boat if one person has the word under the picture and the other person does not have the word under. The most important is the basics, and I won't emphasize enough on them. The rest is not a drama. Diagnosis are different, but they can share common points. Self help does not have to relay only on persons with identical diagnosis. A diagnosis helps, but it does not do everything. And we don't have to prevent ourselves from using tips which work with persons with, let say FASD or Prader-Willi syndrome only because "my child does not have this diagnosis". A diagnosis is not all our identity, it's not our child identity. It explain issues, or better, a group of issues. But it's not an identity. I may not have a diagnosis of Borderline (BPD) myself, sure. But we can share similarities despite different diagnosis. What I noticed is that with persons with mental health conditions, the basics are the same : choosing our battles, understandable informations, baby steps and a lot of patience. My mom is by no means a professional : she is a mom like you are moms, and I am her daughter. However, she learnt the harsh way about picking up the battles, baby steps and a great deal of patience. It was not easy for [U]both[/U] (not only for me, not only for her). So, yes, she implements the advice I give to other parents with difficult child, because I am a difficult child myself. And if you carefully read, they are exactly the same advice you exchange one another here. Of course, some points won't work for me or for someone else. Of course, if a child understands better colors than time frame, giving him a piece of info in time frame goes nowhere, because it's not understandable. If a child does not hear + has sensory issues and you want him to go to a birthday party and having him to stay during all the birthday party, no wonder a meltdown will happen some time. What I say is not much a "professional advice", as I am not a professional myself, nor is my mommy. It is more something what worked with me and what didn't. It does not absolutely prevent comment sense at all. I was asking what do you fear of losing when a person speaks from a different perspective not much because I was offended, but it is what I perceived from you. I apologize if I am wrong. I can also be wrong, I don't aim any more for perfection. [/QUOTE]
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