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LLOOONNNNGGG Night, NEED ADVICE
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 79005" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>If it helps, toward the end of the grounding sentence like the one I posted I use a graduated system to help them ease back into freedom. If they do alright with the graduating back then there is no problem.</p><p></p><p>BUT if they screw up during the graduating period, they do go right back to the beginning. Maybe for not as long, depends on how they screwed up. Not to go back sort of loses the point.</p><p></p><p>I explained to my kids that trust and privilege go hand in hand. If I can't trust you to be where you're supposed to be, then you don't get to go anywhere. If you can't be trusted to get from point A to point B without going off somewhere else, then you'll have adult supervision to ensure you DO get from point A to point B. That sort of thing.</p><p></p><p>The fact that difficult child did this during a time when she was already "grounded" says that trying to be easy and understanding is probably not going to work for her. She didn't get the message. And this is behavior you want to nip in the bud if at all possbible as soon as possible.</p><p></p><p>If you think 3 months is too harsh, you can shorten the time frame. But before you do you'll want to consider how furious you were that night, how worried to death you were, as well as all of the truely horrid things that can happen to young girls at night wandering the town. And yes even in a small town. The statistics might be lower, but it does still happen. We had a 13 yr old girl who'd done pretty much the same as your daughter a couple of years back. She didn't come home at all. Someone raped her and slit her throat. Yes she'd been out with other kids. They got her in the 3 block area where she'd left them to go to her house. We live in a small town. They never caught the person.</p><p></p><p>Remember, this is a set time frame, not the rest of her life. My kids were TTs all the way. But if they tested the rules they were diciplined accordingly. Once they were able to function within the house rules, their freedom and privileges increased also accordingly. Believe it or not for the most part my kids did just about everything other kids their ages did.</p><p></p><p>The teen years are the hardest in my opinion. On one hand you're trying to teach and encourage them to become independent of you, while on the other trying to keep them safe and teach them to be responsible. All the while their listening to friends brag about how much they get to do (whether it's true or not) and are constantly testing the limits. (difficult children can take this to new heights) They depend on us as parents to set the boundries for them, even when they don't like what they are. </p><p></p><p>When my kids threw their hissy fits and pity parties over their punishments I would tell them that my job was to be their Mother, not their friend. They didn't get the friend part til they were grown.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 79005, member: 84"] If it helps, toward the end of the grounding sentence like the one I posted I use a graduated system to help them ease back into freedom. If they do alright with the graduating back then there is no problem. BUT if they screw up during the graduating period, they do go right back to the beginning. Maybe for not as long, depends on how they screwed up. Not to go back sort of loses the point. I explained to my kids that trust and privilege go hand in hand. If I can't trust you to be where you're supposed to be, then you don't get to go anywhere. If you can't be trusted to get from point A to point B without going off somewhere else, then you'll have adult supervision to ensure you DO get from point A to point B. That sort of thing. The fact that difficult child did this during a time when she was already "grounded" says that trying to be easy and understanding is probably not going to work for her. She didn't get the message. And this is behavior you want to nip in the bud if at all possbible as soon as possible. If you think 3 months is too harsh, you can shorten the time frame. But before you do you'll want to consider how furious you were that night, how worried to death you were, as well as all of the truely horrid things that can happen to young girls at night wandering the town. And yes even in a small town. The statistics might be lower, but it does still happen. We had a 13 yr old girl who'd done pretty much the same as your daughter a couple of years back. She didn't come home at all. Someone raped her and slit her throat. Yes she'd been out with other kids. They got her in the 3 block area where she'd left them to go to her house. We live in a small town. They never caught the person. Remember, this is a set time frame, not the rest of her life. My kids were TTs all the way. But if they tested the rules they were diciplined accordingly. Once they were able to function within the house rules, their freedom and privileges increased also accordingly. Believe it or not for the most part my kids did just about everything other kids their ages did. The teen years are the hardest in my opinion. On one hand you're trying to teach and encourage them to become independent of you, while on the other trying to keep them safe and teach them to be responsible. All the while their listening to friends brag about how much they get to do (whether it's true or not) and are constantly testing the limits. (difficult children can take this to new heights) They depend on us as parents to set the boundries for them, even when they don't like what they are. When my kids threw their hissy fits and pity parties over their punishments I would tell them that my job was to be their Mother, not their friend. They didn't get the friend part til they were grown. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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