Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Loneliness & Dating
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 650897" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I raised my granddaughter from the time she was 11 on. My husband did not want to raise another child, so he left. Like you, after awhile, I was wanting to step back in to the dating pond.......my present husband appeared......I was very clear about what I was dealing with, at the time my mother was also living with me. It's remarkable he didn't run for the hills!</p><p></p><p>He not only stuck around, he agreed to help me raise my granddaughter. She was/is a typical teenager. My daughter was a different story. In and out of jail, acting horribly to me at the time, staying with us on occasion with her 4 cats.......she likely inherited some kind of mental illness from my bio-family which is riddled with mental illness, but she has never been diagnosed. My husband helped me through one of the worst times in my life, the 2 or so years of learning how to detach from her shenanigans. He was a rock, he made me laugh, he talked me off the ceiling, he stayed.</p><p></p><p>Now my granddaughter is away at college, my daughter has calmed down, seems to have changed, at least with me ........and my husband and I have begun our own adventure, our own life together. Even in the midst of the worst times in life, love can appear and offer you what you are looking for. </p><p></p><p>I think as the others do, take it slow, be present, be honest and direct about what it is you want. Communication is, in my opinion, the most important thing to master in relationships..........I think it's imperative to make it clear what we expect and what we want, not material things, but what makes us happy, how we want to be treated, how we want to be loved......no one comes with a how to book, we have to be willing to take the risk of letting another know what it is we truly want. Saying I want to be happy is not enough, I think we have to train those around us to treat us in the ways we want to be treated. And, when we are irritated to say it, not the usual, "no, I'm fine," but to state that it hurt our feelings, or whatever it is.......over time, whatever is unsaid, will erode the connection and kill the intimacy. </p><p></p><p>It's taken me a long time to learn that, but in all relationships, that makes a huge difference. And, my experience is that men want to know, they think we are from another planet anyway, they don't understand us, we are very different, so the more we can tell them about what it is that makes us happy, the better it is for everyone. My husband always says, "a happy wife is a happy life." He is old enough to know the real truth of that statement!!!</p><p></p><p>It's risky to sit in front of someone you love and really be honest about your needs and wants and desires..........but that risk is what opens the doors to true intimacy, the deep connection most of us really want. </p><p></p><p>I wish you smooth sailing on the choppy waters of relationships.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 650897, member: 13542"] I raised my granddaughter from the time she was 11 on. My husband did not want to raise another child, so he left. Like you, after awhile, I was wanting to step back in to the dating pond.......my present husband appeared......I was very clear about what I was dealing with, at the time my mother was also living with me. It's remarkable he didn't run for the hills! He not only stuck around, he agreed to help me raise my granddaughter. She was/is a typical teenager. My daughter was a different story. In and out of jail, acting horribly to me at the time, staying with us on occasion with her 4 cats.......she likely inherited some kind of mental illness from my bio-family which is riddled with mental illness, but she has never been diagnosed. My husband helped me through one of the worst times in my life, the 2 or so years of learning how to detach from her shenanigans. He was a rock, he made me laugh, he talked me off the ceiling, he stayed. Now my granddaughter is away at college, my daughter has calmed down, seems to have changed, at least with me ........and my husband and I have begun our own adventure, our own life together. Even in the midst of the worst times in life, love can appear and offer you what you are looking for. I think as the others do, take it slow, be present, be honest and direct about what it is you want. Communication is, in my opinion, the most important thing to master in relationships..........I think it's imperative to make it clear what we expect and what we want, not material things, but what makes us happy, how we want to be treated, how we want to be loved......no one comes with a how to book, we have to be willing to take the risk of letting another know what it is we truly want. Saying I want to be happy is not enough, I think we have to train those around us to treat us in the ways we want to be treated. And, when we are irritated to say it, not the usual, "no, I'm fine," but to state that it hurt our feelings, or whatever it is.......over time, whatever is unsaid, will erode the connection and kill the intimacy. It's taken me a long time to learn that, but in all relationships, that makes a huge difference. And, my experience is that men want to know, they think we are from another planet anyway, they don't understand us, we are very different, so the more we can tell them about what it is that makes us happy, the better it is for everyone. My husband always says, "a happy wife is a happy life." He is old enough to know the real truth of that statement!!! It's risky to sit in front of someone you love and really be honest about your needs and wants and desires..........but that risk is what opens the doors to true intimacy, the deep connection most of us really want. I wish you smooth sailing on the choppy waters of relationships......... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Loneliness & Dating
Top