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General Parenting
Lookie at what *I* get to take to the Psychologists tomorrow...
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 484016" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I think his response to the teacher shows that he is having problems controlling this and the issue may be to look at what he is communicating. He is not going to be able to identify this. It is the grown-ups job to say.... ok what is he trying to communicate here. He has issues you have identified and clearly has trouble accessing socially appropriate language to solve his frustrations. Again, as we have talked about here many times, if a child does not have the skills, or at times does not have access to the skills that are buried under a ton of stress chemicals, then we need to teach those skills. The problem solving, social navigation, anxiety reduction, frustration tolerance, delayed gratification, whatever the issues are. Identifying the triggers (he is alone with kids who are setting him off) (transitions/changes in the schedule and plans etc) may be a couple according to the email. </p><p></p><p>I agree with Malika, while it is not desireable to have him do this, and of course one wants to teach more appropriate words and coping skills, the truth is, people are not going to be hurt by this and at some point, making too big a deal out of it may actually be negatively REINFORCING the words. </p><p></p><p>My son used to grab his forehead and say he was taking all the bad thoughts and words out and throwing them out the window. These kids suffer terrible self esteem because they are so convinced they are being bad all of the time. I am not saying he should be allowed to get away with everything, just that to put it into perspective, he is not beating the **** out of kids. And I hope he never goes there, but if he is not taught skills to communicate and handle stress in their setting, (instead of just saying stop it and their trying to consequence the behavior out of him) he may feel forced to make his points known in other way. When my son is not allowed to be verbal he becomes physical. I know not all kids do that, but it is often cause of physical issues. He is flat out telling the teacher, that he wants help. </p><p></p><p>I sure as heck hope the dont try to sticker chart him. He wants the help. I really feel for you. It is so hard when a child is doing something so socially unacceptable (but as Malika said, MANY of them are doing it, the kids with impulse control get caught). Q is not allowed to "run" or "swear" in MIDDLE SCHOOL, are you freaking kidding me??? (see I didn't swear either, lol). </p><p></p><p>I pray the teachers/school will see his behavior as communication and help to support him in his skill deficits.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 484016, member: 12886"] I think his response to the teacher shows that he is having problems controlling this and the issue may be to look at what he is communicating. He is not going to be able to identify this. It is the grown-ups job to say.... ok what is he trying to communicate here. He has issues you have identified and clearly has trouble accessing socially appropriate language to solve his frustrations. Again, as we have talked about here many times, if a child does not have the skills, or at times does not have access to the skills that are buried under a ton of stress chemicals, then we need to teach those skills. The problem solving, social navigation, anxiety reduction, frustration tolerance, delayed gratification, whatever the issues are. Identifying the triggers (he is alone with kids who are setting him off) (transitions/changes in the schedule and plans etc) may be a couple according to the email. I agree with Malika, while it is not desireable to have him do this, and of course one wants to teach more appropriate words and coping skills, the truth is, people are not going to be hurt by this and at some point, making too big a deal out of it may actually be negatively REINFORCING the words. My son used to grab his forehead and say he was taking all the bad thoughts and words out and throwing them out the window. These kids suffer terrible self esteem because they are so convinced they are being bad all of the time. I am not saying he should be allowed to get away with everything, just that to put it into perspective, he is not beating the **** out of kids. And I hope he never goes there, but if he is not taught skills to communicate and handle stress in their setting, (instead of just saying stop it and their trying to consequence the behavior out of him) he may feel forced to make his points known in other way. When my son is not allowed to be verbal he becomes physical. I know not all kids do that, but it is often cause of physical issues. He is flat out telling the teacher, that he wants help. I sure as heck hope the dont try to sticker chart him. He wants the help. I really feel for you. It is so hard when a child is doing something so socially unacceptable (but as Malika said, MANY of them are doing it, the kids with impulse control get caught). Q is not allowed to "run" or "swear" in MIDDLE SCHOOL, are you freaking kidding me??? (see I didn't swear either, lol). I pray the teachers/school will see his behavior as communication and help to support him in his skill deficits. [/QUOTE]
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Lookie at what *I* get to take to the Psychologists tomorrow...
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