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Substance Abuse
Looking for advice concerning my 13-year-old
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 671881" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Hi SadFlower. Your posts brought back so many memories for me. My daughter is adopted also. While she has always been difficult, the summer before high school she began smoking pot, drinking and running away from home (sometimes overnight). We struggled all during high school with her acting out and I called the police on her numerous times. We en ended up going to court with her several times. We also had her see therapists and they too told me I was too strict.</p><p></p><p>Her senior year in high school was awful, she barely graduated. I stupidly thought if she went away to college it would be a good thing. Wrong! She lasted six weeks before she was arrested for pot and drinking in her dorm and was suspended at the end of the semester.</p><p></p><p>Adoption seemed to have always been an issue with my daughter and I felt that there was a hole in her heart that couldn't be filled. She blamed me for everything, I was told that was normal and that many adoptees take everything out on their moms. She said awful things to me and about me, even wished I would jump off a bridge. The resource officer at the school tried to help her, she charmed everyone into thinking she was doing well all time while acting out at home.</p><p></p><p>The interesting thing was she was going down the same exact path as her birthmother, down to getting tatoos (we are not a tatoo family). Her life paralleled her birthmother's so much that it was scary. She was bound and determined to reject everything about us.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward to now, she is 24. She spent time in a rehab center and sober living house, lived on her own and lost every job she got. Eventually she must have decided she got tired of living like she was, smoking pot and drinking 24/7 and began the road to stability. She now has a good job but is involved with a loser boyfriend and drinks to excess. She is far better that she was but will always struggle in life. In a way I think she believes she doesn't deserve a better life even though we have given her every opportunity in the world.</p><p></p><p>Through everything I have learned that nature trumps nurture. When I started on this journey I believed the opposite. I commiserate with you, those are very difficult years. My husband and I now have a close relationship with our daughter even though we wish she would leave the boyfriend. She has matured a lot but boy was it a rough road.</p><p></p><p>You can look the pill up on the internet by shape/color/ markings. We had a very good juvenile detective in our community that helped us a great deal during those teen years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 671881, member: 59"] Hi SadFlower. Your posts brought back so many memories for me. My daughter is adopted also. While she has always been difficult, the summer before high school she began smoking pot, drinking and running away from home (sometimes overnight). We struggled all during high school with her acting out and I called the police on her numerous times. We en ended up going to court with her several times. We also had her see therapists and they too told me I was too strict. Her senior year in high school was awful, she barely graduated. I stupidly thought if she went away to college it would be a good thing. Wrong! She lasted six weeks before she was arrested for pot and drinking in her dorm and was suspended at the end of the semester. Adoption seemed to have always been an issue with my daughter and I felt that there was a hole in her heart that couldn't be filled. She blamed me for everything, I was told that was normal and that many adoptees take everything out on their moms. She said awful things to me and about me, even wished I would jump off a bridge. The resource officer at the school tried to help her, she charmed everyone into thinking she was doing well all time while acting out at home. The interesting thing was she was going down the same exact path as her birthmother, down to getting tatoos (we are not a tatoo family). Her life paralleled her birthmother's so much that it was scary. She was bound and determined to reject everything about us. Fast forward to now, she is 24. She spent time in a rehab center and sober living house, lived on her own and lost every job she got. Eventually she must have decided she got tired of living like she was, smoking pot and drinking 24/7 and began the road to stability. She now has a good job but is involved with a loser boyfriend and drinks to excess. She is far better that she was but will always struggle in life. In a way I think she believes she doesn't deserve a better life even though we have given her every opportunity in the world. Through everything I have learned that nature trumps nurture. When I started on this journey I believed the opposite. I commiserate with you, those are very difficult years. My husband and I now have a close relationship with our daughter even though we wish she would leave the boyfriend. She has matured a lot but boy was it a rough road. You can look the pill up on the internet by shape/color/ markings. We had a very good juvenile detective in our community that helped us a great deal during those teen years. [/QUOTE]
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Looking for advice concerning my 13-year-old
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