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Substance Abuse
Looking for advice concerning my 13-year-old
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672522" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Sadflower,</p><p>This is a very difficult time of life.</p><p>I was a confused child at 13, looking for acceptance and love. I was not comfortable in my home, I had a strong, domineering sister who was very bullying.</p><p>I became two people, much like you describe of your child, except the opposite, I was one way at school, with friends, but showed a different "innocent" face to my parents, to avoid problems at home.</p><p></p><p>You are fortunate to know exactly how your child feels.</p><p></p><p>At least you can take steps to stop it.</p><p></p><p>My third girl was very stubborn at 13. She started hanging around a 15 year old neighbor girl. I knew this was trouble and tried to stop it, but couldn't. I involved her in sports, she went on school trips, we tried everything. Her cousin came to me one day and said "Aunty I have got to tell you something" they had been very close growing up, then drifted apart. She told me my 13 year old was sneaking around with an 18 year old boy, a friend of this 15 year olds boyfriend. OMG, talk about panic. He actually had the audacity to call for her on our home phone. I talked to that guy and set him straight, telling him I would call the police. Come to find out, he was 21!!!!!!! I did call the police, but there was nothing they could do.</p><p></p><p>This is a hard, hard thing. I know you are concerned she may have a record, but you may have to call the police, Sadflower. Consequences. It may help her to see the seriousness of her actions, and your strong conviction regarding them.</p><p></p><p>I remember being a teen, and just wanting to do my own thing. I hung around the wrong crowd, too.</p><p>I was also very worried about my future. In the 70's the concern was about nuclear power, ozone depletion, environmental issues.</p><p>I can only imagine now a days, how an intelligent, discerning teen may be thinking what their future holds. Global warming, GMO's, species extinction, gun violence in schools.</p><p></p><p>What are her interests? She is very intelligent, is she challenged enough in school? Does she accept herself and her differences? Sometimes the root of acting out can be low self esteem.</p><p></p><p>Are you able to perhaps, enroll her in another school, a charter school with different teaching styles?</p><p></p><p>You write that she has always been sensitive about her adoption, are you open to her seeking her bio parents?</p><p></p><p>Does she resist your hugs and affection? Sometimes this means they need hugs all the more. My hubs is not a hugger. When my youngest girl comes home to visit, she tells him "Hi Dad! Did you know hugs are very good for you?" He makes a funny face like he is in pain.</p><p>Still, she gives him a long hard, squeezing hug.</p><p>It is true, hugs are good for us.</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]HfIh-8tt3Wo[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>When tension is great in the household, due to a demanding, disrespectful child acting out, the last thing we think of is hugging. This may be the very thing she wants and needs. She will reject it at first. Try it and see what happens!</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, so many questions.</p><p>I do so hope you find answers for your child.</p><p></p><p>My thoughts and prayers are with you</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672522, member: 19522"] Sadflower, This is a very difficult time of life. I was a confused child at 13, looking for acceptance and love. I was not comfortable in my home, I had a strong, domineering sister who was very bullying. I became two people, much like you describe of your child, except the opposite, I was one way at school, with friends, but showed a different "innocent" face to my parents, to avoid problems at home. You are fortunate to know exactly how your child feels. At least you can take steps to stop it. My third girl was very stubborn at 13. She started hanging around a 15 year old neighbor girl. I knew this was trouble and tried to stop it, but couldn't. I involved her in sports, she went on school trips, we tried everything. Her cousin came to me one day and said "Aunty I have got to tell you something" they had been very close growing up, then drifted apart. She told me my 13 year old was sneaking around with an 18 year old boy, a friend of this 15 year olds boyfriend. OMG, talk about panic. He actually had the audacity to call for her on our home phone. I talked to that guy and set him straight, telling him I would call the police. Come to find out, he was 21!!!!!!! I did call the police, but there was nothing they could do. This is a hard, hard thing. I know you are concerned she may have a record, but you may have to call the police, Sadflower. Consequences. It may help her to see the seriousness of her actions, and your strong conviction regarding them. I remember being a teen, and just wanting to do my own thing. I hung around the wrong crowd, too. I was also very worried about my future. In the 70's the concern was about nuclear power, ozone depletion, environmental issues. I can only imagine now a days, how an intelligent, discerning teen may be thinking what their future holds. Global warming, GMO's, species extinction, gun violence in schools. What are her interests? She is very intelligent, is she challenged enough in school? Does she accept herself and her differences? Sometimes the root of acting out can be low self esteem. Are you able to perhaps, enroll her in another school, a charter school with different teaching styles? You write that she has always been sensitive about her adoption, are you open to her seeking her bio parents? Does she resist your hugs and affection? Sometimes this means they need hugs all the more. My hubs is not a hugger. When my youngest girl comes home to visit, she tells him "Hi Dad! Did you know hugs are very good for you?" He makes a funny face like he is in pain. Still, she gives him a long hard, squeezing hug. It is true, hugs are good for us. [MEDIA=youtube]HfIh-8tt3Wo[/MEDIA] When tension is great in the household, due to a demanding, disrespectful child acting out, the last thing we think of is hugging. This may be the very thing she wants and needs. She will reject it at first. Try it and see what happens! I am sorry, so many questions. I do so hope you find answers for your child. My thoughts and prayers are with you (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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Looking for advice concerning my 13-year-old
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