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Looking for advice on holding 19 year old accountable
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 392544"><p>Thank goodness the new boyfriend seems like a nice guy. That is a start.</p><p></p><p>You have it right. You can set boundaries in your own home but you really can't at your X's. </p><p></p><p>What is your concern about them being over together at his house alone? Sex. Well they probably are having sex and you can't stop that from happening. You have absolutely no control over weather she has sex with boyfriend or not. No matter what your own beliefs are. If they are not at his house they will findn someplace else. You can set the limits in your house which you have doen and is reasonable.</p><p></p><p>IF sex is your concern then soul search and figure out why. Is it a moral issue for you or a practical one. If it is a moral one you can't do much about that. You can share your values but she is now over 18 and will make her own moral decisions.</p><p></p><p>If it is a practical one, ie birth control and STD's then all you can do is share information with her and make sure she has the information she needs and access to the tools to stay safe (ie disease free and not pregnant). </p><p></p><p>I personally don't have a big problem with young adults having sex, at least in theory. Does that make me the liberal one? I did find with my son at 18 that I was uncomfortable with the idea of it happening in my house, especially if we were home. I realized though that my biggest problem was that I have a 15 year old daughter and I don't want her to get the idea that it is ok or that I approve of it. because at the age of 15 I certainly don't. So with my son the issue for me became that I had to make it clear it was not ok here at home because of my daughter. To be honest I probably would let it happen if she was away or something.... assuming of course that the girl was the same age as my son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 392544"] Thank goodness the new boyfriend seems like a nice guy. That is a start. You have it right. You can set boundaries in your own home but you really can't at your X's. What is your concern about them being over together at his house alone? Sex. Well they probably are having sex and you can't stop that from happening. You have absolutely no control over weather she has sex with boyfriend or not. No matter what your own beliefs are. If they are not at his house they will findn someplace else. You can set the limits in your house which you have doen and is reasonable. IF sex is your concern then soul search and figure out why. Is it a moral issue for you or a practical one. If it is a moral one you can't do much about that. You can share your values but she is now over 18 and will make her own moral decisions. If it is a practical one, ie birth control and STD's then all you can do is share information with her and make sure she has the information she needs and access to the tools to stay safe (ie disease free and not pregnant). I personally don't have a big problem with young adults having sex, at least in theory. Does that make me the liberal one? I did find with my son at 18 that I was uncomfortable with the idea of it happening in my house, especially if we were home. I realized though that my biggest problem was that I have a 15 year old daughter and I don't want her to get the idea that it is ok or that I approve of it. because at the age of 15 I certainly don't. So with my son the issue for me became that I had to make it clear it was not ok here at home because of my daughter. To be honest I probably would let it happen if she was away or something.... assuming of course that the girl was the same age as my son. [/QUOTE]
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Looking for advice on holding 19 year old accountable
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