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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 281288" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Marg, thank you for such a well thought out and well written response.</p><p></p><p>I have mentioned as I said earlier, to the aunts, that the prosecutor could use help from victims coming forward, that I was willing, and if others ever came forward, together as a team, justice would happen.</p><p></p><p>I am super aware of the damage done to these poor women. And I am so excited to have such wonderful amazing aunts in my life! I've been pretty alone most of my life. We talked once in depth about the "family history" (meaning my father). We then made a pact, if we needed to turn to each other for a conversation regarding this, we would. However, we were NOT basing our relationship on this. We have made a pact to keep our relationshiop concentrated on getting to know me and my kids, them and their spouses and kids and grandkids. Learning about one another as people and forming a family bond. You know, maybe a holiday meal one day with family. I think I'd be floored lol. We enjoy lovely conversations on the phone about camping and about my kids, her grandkids accomplishments. We talked today about my MS as she was wondering how it affects my life. We make plans of things we'd like to do together in the future. We talk about what kind of food we like and what makes us laugh. Our careers and dreams. Fun getting to know you stuff. It is what we all need, what we all deserve, and thankfully we are all on the same page with it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I hold NO bad feelings if none of them are ever able to step forward and plunge into a court scenario. They suffered horribly and are trying to live a normal life. SOme of them never told their spouses even. I am not in any way going to pressure them or guilt or shame them. Shame on me if I did that. I simply am so blessed to have my family in my life now. My children are blessed <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>As for my brother. He and I were raised together. He knows my story about what our father did to me. I simply cannot emotionally handle sitting across from my brother, knowing he is in a close bonded relationship with a man who he knows has committed these crimes. Its a mental health thing for me I guess. My brother knew I felt this way years ago. He claimed to understand. The part that makes it this way for me, is becuase he never knew my father until AFTER he had learned my fathers "ways". My brother didn't grow up loving a father, only to hear shocking things about him. My father was a stranger to my brother until years after the truth about my father came out. And my brother was there to see me go through the incredible pain and self destruction that this all brought into my life. As his sister who has been there for him (he's the eldest, but always relies on me for everything) forever, I cannot stomache knowing he can visit me and my children, then turn around and go for weekend visits to that monster. He once brought my father to my home in the middle of the night!!! About 2am and said he had a suprise for me, and around the corner popped our father. I slammed the door in their face and locked the door. That was a sick thing to do. I also am not comfortable with my father knowing personal details about my life and my childrens lives, which my brother is doing. My brother also knew that I could not handle my father knowing about our lives. Why should he get free information on his daughter and grandchildren after all this history?? It makes me ill to know my brother gave him photos of my daughter. My brother betrayed my request to never share anything with that monster. The pain is too much. My brother cannot be in my life. It isn't to punish my brother, although I'll NEVER understand his need to suddenly as an adult have a father son relationship with a serial rapist?????? This is for my own mental health and peace of mind. I hope that makes sense. I can't control what my brother does. But i can control what pain and betrayal I allow or don't allow into my life. And this pain and betrayal cannot be ignored. My brother has always done things intentionally to bring me pain. My entire family has always seen it. They don't speak to him BECAUSE of that, aside from contacting my father. For years they refused contact because he is so cruel and mean spirited and awful to me. Sadly, he gets pure enjoyment out of me having pain. Its on his face for all to see. I should have done this years ago. But it took this to cross the line for me. Otherwise, I guess I kept a childish hope that he'd want a sister brother relationship.</p><p>To put it in perspective, my brother has 5 beautiful children. Only 1 has any contact with him, all others choose not to, by their own choice. </p><p></p><p>Again, you write beautifully Marg. Thank you for taking itme in your day to share wisdom with little old me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 281288, member: 4264"] Marg, thank you for such a well thought out and well written response. I have mentioned as I said earlier, to the aunts, that the prosecutor could use help from victims coming forward, that I was willing, and if others ever came forward, together as a team, justice would happen. I am super aware of the damage done to these poor women. And I am so excited to have such wonderful amazing aunts in my life! I've been pretty alone most of my life. We talked once in depth about the "family history" (meaning my father). We then made a pact, if we needed to turn to each other for a conversation regarding this, we would. However, we were NOT basing our relationship on this. We have made a pact to keep our relationshiop concentrated on getting to know me and my kids, them and their spouses and kids and grandkids. Learning about one another as people and forming a family bond. You know, maybe a holiday meal one day with family. I think I'd be floored lol. We enjoy lovely conversations on the phone about camping and about my kids, her grandkids accomplishments. We talked today about my MS as she was wondering how it affects my life. We make plans of things we'd like to do together in the future. We talk about what kind of food we like and what makes us laugh. Our careers and dreams. Fun getting to know you stuff. It is what we all need, what we all deserve, and thankfully we are all on the same page with it :) I hold NO bad feelings if none of them are ever able to step forward and plunge into a court scenario. They suffered horribly and are trying to live a normal life. SOme of them never told their spouses even. I am not in any way going to pressure them or guilt or shame them. Shame on me if I did that. I simply am so blessed to have my family in my life now. My children are blessed :) As for my brother. He and I were raised together. He knows my story about what our father did to me. I simply cannot emotionally handle sitting across from my brother, knowing he is in a close bonded relationship with a man who he knows has committed these crimes. Its a mental health thing for me I guess. My brother knew I felt this way years ago. He claimed to understand. The part that makes it this way for me, is becuase he never knew my father until AFTER he had learned my fathers "ways". My brother didn't grow up loving a father, only to hear shocking things about him. My father was a stranger to my brother until years after the truth about my father came out. And my brother was there to see me go through the incredible pain and self destruction that this all brought into my life. As his sister who has been there for him (he's the eldest, but always relies on me for everything) forever, I cannot stomache knowing he can visit me and my children, then turn around and go for weekend visits to that monster. He once brought my father to my home in the middle of the night!!! About 2am and said he had a suprise for me, and around the corner popped our father. I slammed the door in their face and locked the door. That was a sick thing to do. I also am not comfortable with my father knowing personal details about my life and my childrens lives, which my brother is doing. My brother also knew that I could not handle my father knowing about our lives. Why should he get free information on his daughter and grandchildren after all this history?? It makes me ill to know my brother gave him photos of my daughter. My brother betrayed my request to never share anything with that monster. The pain is too much. My brother cannot be in my life. It isn't to punish my brother, although I'll NEVER understand his need to suddenly as an adult have a father son relationship with a serial rapist?????? This is for my own mental health and peace of mind. I hope that makes sense. I can't control what my brother does. But i can control what pain and betrayal I allow or don't allow into my life. And this pain and betrayal cannot be ignored. My brother has always done things intentionally to bring me pain. My entire family has always seen it. They don't speak to him BECAUSE of that, aside from contacting my father. For years they refused contact because he is so cruel and mean spirited and awful to me. Sadly, he gets pure enjoyment out of me having pain. Its on his face for all to see. I should have done this years ago. But it took this to cross the line for me. Otherwise, I guess I kept a childish hope that he'd want a sister brother relationship. To put it in perspective, my brother has 5 beautiful children. Only 1 has any contact with him, all others choose not to, by their own choice. Again, you write beautifully Marg. Thank you for taking itme in your day to share wisdom with little old me :) [/QUOTE]
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