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Looking for advice (warning: sensitive matter, not going to be for everyone)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 281333" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Again, thank you all <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I did therapy for years and years. Had this stuff not cropped up, I probably wouldn't need further counselling. With all of this new stuff, my doctor during my appointment yesterday sent out a referal so that my benefits will cover sessions again. I know that having an impartial person to discuss this with is going to help. It helped me heal the best I could before. With all this new stuff, I'm certain it will help me again.</p><p></p><p>Marg, I have thought of my brother in that way too. I will always love him. But he is toxic in my life. He was toxic BEFORE he became involved with our father. Now that they have this strong relationship, even more so. I know it is right for me to have him out of my life. I have to live for me.</p><p></p><p>Ironically my doctor and I were talking yesterday about PTSD and the effects on the body leading to physical pain. Of course mixed in with a chronic and progressive form of MS, well what a mess. He explained well , better than I can here, how trauma in our mind from pain can actually send things out of wack in our brain and lead to real physical pain. Not phantom pain, but real concrete pain. So we are working towards getting a grip on the MS pain but also going ahead and assuming some of this pain may indeed be a product of PTSD. My doctor is on the ball <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I had never known this, and here you tell me the very day after I have a long talk with my doctor about it!!!</p><p></p><p>I have from previous therapy developed effective ways to calm myself and bring myself into a state of peaceful feeling. It doesn't always work, but more often than not it does. I am grateful that I am able to tell when I am bothered by things, even when it isn't evident. </p><p></p><p>The poor sleep thing is from pain. I wake up in such pain (MS? STRESS? COMBO???) and can't sleep again. The crying I discusses with my doctor. We discusses what makes me cry, how often, etc. He actually said Melissa, if you didn't cry from time to time feeling emotion over all this new information, I'd be MORE worried about you. He said it was a "normal" level of grief. We then discussed teh benefits of me seeing a sex abuse therapist again, hopefully I will have my first appointment in the next few weeks. </p><p></p><p>I have not heard of the book you mentioned so not sure what it entails. I do know that from time to time i certainly do NOT love my disease. But other times I'm grateful. I have learned so much in this process. I've learned new priorities. I'm created new goals more in keeping with my morals and dreams, less keeping up with the joneses. I've learned to enjoy simple things I'd started, like most people, to take for granted. My enforced slower pace of living has allowed me to take time to enjoy the smaller things and boy do I enjoy them! I've also learned not to stress the small stuff. I've learned that I have now a chance to really value each and every day in a way that before I had forgotten to do. The list goes on. I don't know if that is what that book is about, but this is my experience anyhow. Not to say somedays I don't get down about being so limited. Or if I fall and lay in a pile of urine on cold marble floor unable to get up for hours, well those moments I curse the words MS and have a pity trip. I'm human <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> </p><p></p><p>I have begun saying certain prayers before bed, and also took up reading my favorite books for 30 minutes in bed all cozy before i turn off my light. I sleep much better as my books transport me when I read and it is like the rest of life just goes away. I tend to fall asleep when I read, by wondering what is coming next in my book. My fiance also can tell when I'm having sleep problems and has figured out that if he rubs my head a certain way I fall into a deep restful sleep. I swear the man is a magician lol.</p><p></p><p>The other nights the stress gets me and I can't sleep, well that is something for the counsellor and I for sure. I love sleep. It's my best friend. I literally honestly LOVE sleeping lol. So no way no how is anything going to interrupt that for long without me tackling it head on hahaha.</p><p></p><p>I'm off to bed now and want once more, at risk of being a broken record, to thank you all for your kind words, and for so many of you sharing a bit about your own families experiences. It really helps to know that people can understand from a personal perspective as well. You really are the best group of people. You have helped immeasurably today, allowing me to talk this all out.</p><p></p><p>Hope you all sleep well tonight. I plan to sleep 8 hours without waking (knock on wood). My fiance is all geared up for the magic head rub. I shall have to clone him for anyone who has problems sleeping!</p><p></p><p>Nite CD friends.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 281333, member: 4264"] Again, thank you all :) I did therapy for years and years. Had this stuff not cropped up, I probably wouldn't need further counselling. With all of this new stuff, my doctor during my appointment yesterday sent out a referal so that my benefits will cover sessions again. I know that having an impartial person to discuss this with is going to help. It helped me heal the best I could before. With all this new stuff, I'm certain it will help me again. Marg, I have thought of my brother in that way too. I will always love him. But he is toxic in my life. He was toxic BEFORE he became involved with our father. Now that they have this strong relationship, even more so. I know it is right for me to have him out of my life. I have to live for me. Ironically my doctor and I were talking yesterday about PTSD and the effects on the body leading to physical pain. Of course mixed in with a chronic and progressive form of MS, well what a mess. He explained well , better than I can here, how trauma in our mind from pain can actually send things out of wack in our brain and lead to real physical pain. Not phantom pain, but real concrete pain. So we are working towards getting a grip on the MS pain but also going ahead and assuming some of this pain may indeed be a product of PTSD. My doctor is on the ball ;) I had never known this, and here you tell me the very day after I have a long talk with my doctor about it!!! I have from previous therapy developed effective ways to calm myself and bring myself into a state of peaceful feeling. It doesn't always work, but more often than not it does. I am grateful that I am able to tell when I am bothered by things, even when it isn't evident. The poor sleep thing is from pain. I wake up in such pain (MS? STRESS? COMBO???) and can't sleep again. The crying I discusses with my doctor. We discusses what makes me cry, how often, etc. He actually said Melissa, if you didn't cry from time to time feeling emotion over all this new information, I'd be MORE worried about you. He said it was a "normal" level of grief. We then discussed teh benefits of me seeing a sex abuse therapist again, hopefully I will have my first appointment in the next few weeks. I have not heard of the book you mentioned so not sure what it entails. I do know that from time to time i certainly do NOT love my disease. But other times I'm grateful. I have learned so much in this process. I've learned new priorities. I'm created new goals more in keeping with my morals and dreams, less keeping up with the joneses. I've learned to enjoy simple things I'd started, like most people, to take for granted. My enforced slower pace of living has allowed me to take time to enjoy the smaller things and boy do I enjoy them! I've also learned not to stress the small stuff. I've learned that I have now a chance to really value each and every day in a way that before I had forgotten to do. The list goes on. I don't know if that is what that book is about, but this is my experience anyhow. Not to say somedays I don't get down about being so limited. Or if I fall and lay in a pile of urine on cold marble floor unable to get up for hours, well those moments I curse the words MS and have a pity trip. I'm human ;) I have begun saying certain prayers before bed, and also took up reading my favorite books for 30 minutes in bed all cozy before i turn off my light. I sleep much better as my books transport me when I read and it is like the rest of life just goes away. I tend to fall asleep when I read, by wondering what is coming next in my book. My fiance also can tell when I'm having sleep problems and has figured out that if he rubs my head a certain way I fall into a deep restful sleep. I swear the man is a magician lol. The other nights the stress gets me and I can't sleep, well that is something for the counsellor and I for sure. I love sleep. It's my best friend. I literally honestly LOVE sleeping lol. So no way no how is anything going to interrupt that for long without me tackling it head on hahaha. I'm off to bed now and want once more, at risk of being a broken record, to thank you all for your kind words, and for so many of you sharing a bit about your own families experiences. It really helps to know that people can understand from a personal perspective as well. You really are the best group of people. You have helped immeasurably today, allowing me to talk this all out. Hope you all sleep well tonight. I plan to sleep 8 hours without waking (knock on wood). My fiance is all geared up for the magic head rub. I shall have to clone him for anyone who has problems sleeping! Nite CD friends. [/QUOTE]
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