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Looking for advice (warning: sensitive matter, not going to be for everyone)
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 281385" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>MattsMom, </p><p> </p><p>I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with us to come back here and share your story. It would be nice to think that your story wasn't a common one in the world, but sadly it is. What IS uncommon are people like you who are willing to come forward and put men like him behind bars. However for my personal preference this is one instance where I would forget I'm a decent human and as for whatever you did to an innocnet to come back to you 10 fold. </p><p> </p><p>I've been there, and so has Dude. We went as far as getting a prosecutor, and talking, telling our story to doctors etc...and I'll spare you our sad/sick little tale. When it came down to go time? My ex, like your abuser had people in his family who were pillars of the community and his way was bought out. We got a pathetic little note in the mail that there was not enough evidence to continue to prosecute. To save my own sanity from the tragedy I got therapy, forgave him in a way that allowed me to move on. Dude, has in his own way too by my example - but it will never be enough to make us forget. EMDR therapy helped me let a lot of baggage over it go. Dude has refused to go father than the beginning of that day. Some people never allow themselves to recover. </p><p> </p><p>So you asked for advice - like should you move forward? Yes. Can you make your other siblings be as brave as you? NO. But you can convince them that what happened to you and them does not NEED to continue with your 11 year old sister. My heart goes out to you, and I'll keep you in my prayers. I will share one final thought. </p><p> </p><p>WHen I started therapy about my x? I could cower in a corner or had my body wrapped up in a tight ball. I cried a lot over things I couldn't possibly understand. I had racing thoughts, I was scared every minute of my day, and I startled so easily I got a reputation as the jumpy girl. I literally was scared out my wits asleep or awake because as long as my x's dirty little secret was kept hush hush - he could continue with other people. When we drug it out into the light? OUr lives were threatened and my x is a psychopath. </p><p> </p><p>It took me years before I was comfortable talking about it - but I trugged through. My final session with our therapist he (out of the blue) threw husband's name and abuse factor into the conversation to see how I'd react. I sat there for a minute not afraid, but not angry either. THen I said. What would I do if he came to my door tomorrow? I said I'd call the police & I'd peel his skin off with my bare hands. I said it calmy, matter of factly - and I mean every word. I'm no longer afraid. I think your sister deserves to have a life where she isn't afraid too. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>So sorry for any of this - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 281385, member: 4964"] MattsMom, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with us to come back here and share your story. It would be nice to think that your story wasn't a common one in the world, but sadly it is. What IS uncommon are people like you who are willing to come forward and put men like him behind bars. However for my personal preference this is one instance where I would forget I'm a decent human and as for whatever you did to an innocnet to come back to you 10 fold. I've been there, and so has Dude. We went as far as getting a prosecutor, and talking, telling our story to doctors etc...and I'll spare you our sad/sick little tale. When it came down to go time? My ex, like your abuser had people in his family who were pillars of the community and his way was bought out. We got a pathetic little note in the mail that there was not enough evidence to continue to prosecute. To save my own sanity from the tragedy I got therapy, forgave him in a way that allowed me to move on. Dude, has in his own way too by my example - but it will never be enough to make us forget. EMDR therapy helped me let a lot of baggage over it go. Dude has refused to go father than the beginning of that day. Some people never allow themselves to recover. So you asked for advice - like should you move forward? Yes. Can you make your other siblings be as brave as you? NO. But you can convince them that what happened to you and them does not NEED to continue with your 11 year old sister. My heart goes out to you, and I'll keep you in my prayers. I will share one final thought. WHen I started therapy about my x? I could cower in a corner or had my body wrapped up in a tight ball. I cried a lot over things I couldn't possibly understand. I had racing thoughts, I was scared every minute of my day, and I startled so easily I got a reputation as the jumpy girl. I literally was scared out my wits asleep or awake because as long as my x's dirty little secret was kept hush hush - he could continue with other people. When we drug it out into the light? OUr lives were threatened and my x is a psychopath. It took me years before I was comfortable talking about it - but I trugged through. My final session with our therapist he (out of the blue) threw husband's name and abuse factor into the conversation to see how I'd react. I sat there for a minute not afraid, but not angry either. THen I said. What would I do if he came to my door tomorrow? I said I'd call the police & I'd peel his skin off with my bare hands. I said it calmy, matter of factly - and I mean every word. I'm no longer afraid. I think your sister deserves to have a life where she isn't afraid too. Hugs & Love So sorry for any of this - Star [/QUOTE]
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