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Looking for advice (warning: sensitive matter, not going to be for everyone)
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 281703" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>They get away with it, and the victims are as damagedemotionally as they are, BECAUSE these creeps lay such good groundwork planning ahead to keep themselves out of the clutches of the law. The very first thing they try to do, is to make sure the victims feel personally to blame and are afraid they will be seen as the guilty ones should they ever report it.</p><p></p><p>Your grandmother - why did she allow her daughters to be abused? Perhaps because she herself was an abuse victim and had been taught from childhood to accept it as normal. An abuser (possibly her husband?) can instinctively sniff out victims and pounce on them with delight as having had a lot of the hard preparation work done for them. Unless it was grandma who was a primary abuser (following her own abuse?) </p><p></p><p>Especially in the older generation (before incest was talked about) women protected the abusers in the family for fear of losing the family unit. Denial was the way, plus 'blame the victim'. Anything to stop problems, anything to avoid airing dirty linen. After all, "it happened to me and I'm fine." Or similar.</p><p></p><p>People can justify things to an amazing (and horrifying) extent.</p><p></p><p>That's why it continues through generations.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 281703, member: 1991"] They get away with it, and the victims are as damagedemotionally as they are, BECAUSE these creeps lay such good groundwork planning ahead to keep themselves out of the clutches of the law. The very first thing they try to do, is to make sure the victims feel personally to blame and are afraid they will be seen as the guilty ones should they ever report it. Your grandmother - why did she allow her daughters to be abused? Perhaps because she herself was an abuse victim and had been taught from childhood to accept it as normal. An abuser (possibly her husband?) can instinctively sniff out victims and pounce on them with delight as having had a lot of the hard preparation work done for them. Unless it was grandma who was a primary abuser (following her own abuse?) Especially in the older generation (before incest was talked about) women protected the abusers in the family for fear of losing the family unit. Denial was the way, plus 'blame the victim'. Anything to stop problems, anything to avoid airing dirty linen. After all, "it happened to me and I'm fine." Or similar. People can justify things to an amazing (and horrifying) extent. That's why it continues through generations. Marg [/QUOTE]
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