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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 183672" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A suggestion on the questions - I try to work with difficult child 3 in learning to find his own answers. husband & I have done this with our other kids too. Our theory is, a kid who asks questions has an enquiring mind and this needs to be nurtured. But an enquiring mind that doesn't know how to look for his own answers is a kid who can be both frustrating and frustrated.</p><p></p><p>So for example, looking at the questions here as examples:</p><p></p><p>Q: Is the baby left or right handed?</p><p>A: I don't know, I think it's too soon to tell. But we can look it up on the Internet. Here, let's do an experiment. Pick up a toy and see which hand the baby uses to reach out. But remember, the baby could be using either hand equally for a while, he mightn't show any preference until he's older.</p><p></p><p>Q: What time will you be home?</p><p>A: Let's look at the evidence you already have. What is your past experience on when I get home? Can you recall? Yes? What time did I get home yesterday? What about the day before? So from this information, what assumptions can you make about when you think I might get home today? OK, now you can test your hypothesis - watch the clock this afternoon and see if you can note how close to your expected time that I get back today.</p><p></p><p>This method works in multiple ways. </p><p></p><p>First, it teaches the child to do a bit of thinking instead of just blindly asking questions in order to be spoon-fed the answers. If you always have an answer (even if it's "For Pete's sake, stop asking questions!") then the answers will not be valued, and therefore not paid attention to properly. he can always ask you again. And again.</p><p></p><p>Second, the child learns that in a lot of cases, he already HAS the answers and that can be reassuring. For a while he will want answers from you so he can verify that your answers match his. During this phase he is likely to get MORE argumentative - put up with it, it is a necessary phase. But do not go back to making your answers always too easy.</p><p></p><p>Third - it encourages the child to use that enquiring mind more appropriately and to learn good investigation/research skills. This will be VERY useful later on with schoolwork, homework, work in general. Life in general. The child will learn that sometimes the answers aren't easy or immediate FOR ANYONE and that this is normal and OK. There's no need to panic just because there is no certainty.</p><p></p><p>This can take years, but it works. It has certainly worked for us. And I really wish someone had done tis for me, instead of either not answering at all, or giving me silly answers which misled me and also taught me that my questions were worthless. </p><p></p><p>Questions are never worthless. They can be very annoying but they are also a sign that the person for whatever reason wants information. If the person actually already has that information inside them, then helping them to access that information will do them a great service as well as eventually ease your burden.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 183672, member: 1991"] A suggestion on the questions - I try to work with difficult child 3 in learning to find his own answers. husband & I have done this with our other kids too. Our theory is, a kid who asks questions has an enquiring mind and this needs to be nurtured. But an enquiring mind that doesn't know how to look for his own answers is a kid who can be both frustrating and frustrated. So for example, looking at the questions here as examples: Q: Is the baby left or right handed? A: I don't know, I think it's too soon to tell. But we can look it up on the Internet. Here, let's do an experiment. Pick up a toy and see which hand the baby uses to reach out. But remember, the baby could be using either hand equally for a while, he mightn't show any preference until he's older. Q: What time will you be home? A: Let's look at the evidence you already have. What is your past experience on when I get home? Can you recall? Yes? What time did I get home yesterday? What about the day before? So from this information, what assumptions can you make about when you think I might get home today? OK, now you can test your hypothesis - watch the clock this afternoon and see if you can note how close to your expected time that I get back today. This method works in multiple ways. First, it teaches the child to do a bit of thinking instead of just blindly asking questions in order to be spoon-fed the answers. If you always have an answer (even if it's "For Pete's sake, stop asking questions!") then the answers will not be valued, and therefore not paid attention to properly. he can always ask you again. And again. Second, the child learns that in a lot of cases, he already HAS the answers and that can be reassuring. For a while he will want answers from you so he can verify that your answers match his. During this phase he is likely to get MORE argumentative - put up with it, it is a necessary phase. But do not go back to making your answers always too easy. Third - it encourages the child to use that enquiring mind more appropriately and to learn good investigation/research skills. This will be VERY useful later on with schoolwork, homework, work in general. Life in general. The child will learn that sometimes the answers aren't easy or immediate FOR ANYONE and that this is normal and OK. There's no need to panic just because there is no certainty. This can take years, but it works. It has certainly worked for us. And I really wish someone had done tis for me, instead of either not answering at all, or giving me silly answers which misled me and also taught me that my questions were worthless. Questions are never worthless. They can be very annoying but they are also a sign that the person for whatever reason wants information. If the person actually already has that information inside them, then helping them to access that information will do them a great service as well as eventually ease your burden. Marg [/QUOTE]
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