My 20 yo daughter has struggled with depression, anxiety, and anger for the past three years. She is currently attending school and has her own apartment that I pay for. I believe she skips a lot of classes and she is not working, she promised she would get a job when school started in January but has not. She stopped seeing a therapist and refuses to take medication. When I see her she is usually sad or angry, and its never clear why or its something like "everyone hates me." She will eat a meal and then immediately says she feels sick. She will not get a physical to find out if something is wrong. She has few friends but does have a boyfriend, he is supportive of her issues (and has similar ones) but I dont see their relationship lasting much longer as they fight often and it is making him miss work. She also makes threats that if he doesnt come over, she might not be there any longer, etc. I feel sorry for him and and his family as they deal with her issues more than I now, since she is fairly far away. I continually try to make appointments for her but she will not go. When she is having an especially bad time she will call me screaming and crying, and it always turns into rage against me, I never support her, I am against her, etc. probably because I always suggest that she get help. Every time she calls I feel like I am having a heart attack, literally. It is getting worse, I cannot concentrate on work. I have another child and when she was still at home, our lives were a living hell. I am proud of her, that she was able to get it together to go off to school but part of me feels guilty that I am so glad she is out of the house. I realize she is an adult and I cant make her do anything. And that I am enabling her by paying for everything. I want to make a change. I feel like I need to give her a date that she needs to get a job, see a therapist, and see a doctor or I will not pay for anything anymore. I know if I do this she is going to go ballistic, will threaten to kill herself, will accuse me of hating her, etc. But I also feel like if I dont do it, things are just going to keep going as they have been and nothing will improve. Has anyone done this? If so how did you do it? I feel like maybe an email would be best so that it is all spelled out for her. If I talk to her she will only hang up or leave if I'm there in person. Maybe an email is the cowards way out. Any advice is appreciated.