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looooooong rant
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 58857" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>Hey, lady! Here are two cents' worth of experience, if it's worth even that much.</p><p></p><p>I didn't have much luck with charts for my difficult child. With zero impulse control, some little piece of paper with sticker on it wasn't going to slow him down at all. He'd lose his temper and blow; I doubt he even remembered the existence of the chart at the time. Now that the medications have stabilized him a bit, I might try them again.</p><p></p><p>easy child, on the other hand, loves the chart concept and getting rewards that her brother has no chance of getting. [Got that good ol' sibling rivalry here in spades, although it's pretty one-sided: difficult child either doesn't have a clue that there is something to compete FOR or he just doesn't care.] But, the charts worked better when there were very specific goals. "Keep your room clean" was too vague -- I had to go with "keep floor clear" or "all clothes hung up in closet". </p><p></p><p>Oh, about the room-trashing thing? I let my cubs know that if they don't take care of their stuff, it means they don't value it and I may as well give it to someone does. When my son was younger (and before medications), he'd throw his trains up against the wall, tear stuff, what have you. I took it. Some stuff went into the trash; some went into a charity box; some I let him earn back. A couple of months ago, I heard easy child explaining to difficult child that they don't really own anything until they are 18; right now it's all Mommy's and she can take it away if she wants to. I was somewhat amused to hear my daughter explaining property rights and the age of majority to her brother, but it's a valuable thing for them to know. Seriously, it's your stuff. The law is on your side; work it. The cub trashes the room; you can clean it up by putting it all in a big trash bag. She really can't trash the room too many times before there is just no stuff in it.</p><p></p><p>easy child is more than happy to try to argue her way out of something or tell me that some rule applies to me, too. Just today, I told her that husband and I were considering having a no-electronics week; she immediately "told" me that this meant I couldn't read stories etc on the computer. I don't bother to argue. I state what the goal of the no-electronics week is (cubs need to learn ways to occupy themselves and not be dependent upon electronics for amusement) and that's it. I'll say, "I'm not going to engage in an argument with you about this" a couple of times if she tries to pursue it but I'm not on trial with a hostile prosecutor despite how she'd like to make it appear. I'll stop responding or leave the room (or send her to hers) if she keeps it up but by now, she doesn't. I say one of my little mantras to myself "I will not engage" until the urge to argue passes. difficult child doesn't have the verbal skills to argue with me; he'll yell or something, but that's a different story.</p><p></p><p>All I can say about the neighbor is that she sounds like a past mistress of head games. She knows how to keep you engaged in her little game. You don't have to play; the price of her sometimes-niceness is awfully high. I don't punish my cubs on someone else's information in front of them; I think there are sick or bored people that like to see children get into trouble. I just say, "Thanks for letting me know" and leave it. Your life isn't a soap opera for her entertainment. Maybe I'm projecting some stuff onto your neighbor, but you might think about it.</p><p></p><p>Maybe some of the above could give you an idea; maybe it was all a waste of typing :wink: Take something if it looks good to you ... and good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 58857, member: 2960"] Hey, lady! Here are two cents' worth of experience, if it's worth even that much. I didn't have much luck with charts for my difficult child. With zero impulse control, some little piece of paper with sticker on it wasn't going to slow him down at all. He'd lose his temper and blow; I doubt he even remembered the existence of the chart at the time. Now that the medications have stabilized him a bit, I might try them again. easy child, on the other hand, loves the chart concept and getting rewards that her brother has no chance of getting. [Got that good ol' sibling rivalry here in spades, although it's pretty one-sided: difficult child either doesn't have a clue that there is something to compete FOR or he just doesn't care.] But, the charts worked better when there were very specific goals. "Keep your room clean" was too vague -- I had to go with "keep floor clear" or "all clothes hung up in closet". Oh, about the room-trashing thing? I let my cubs know that if they don't take care of their stuff, it means they don't value it and I may as well give it to someone does. When my son was younger (and before medications), he'd throw his trains up against the wall, tear stuff, what have you. I took it. Some stuff went into the trash; some went into a charity box; some I let him earn back. A couple of months ago, I heard easy child explaining to difficult child that they don't really own anything until they are 18; right now it's all Mommy's and she can take it away if she wants to. I was somewhat amused to hear my daughter explaining property rights and the age of majority to her brother, but it's a valuable thing for them to know. Seriously, it's your stuff. The law is on your side; work it. The cub trashes the room; you can clean it up by putting it all in a big trash bag. She really can't trash the room too many times before there is just no stuff in it. easy child is more than happy to try to argue her way out of something or tell me that some rule applies to me, too. Just today, I told her that husband and I were considering having a no-electronics week; she immediately "told" me that this meant I couldn't read stories etc on the computer. I don't bother to argue. I state what the goal of the no-electronics week is (cubs need to learn ways to occupy themselves and not be dependent upon electronics for amusement) and that's it. I'll say, "I'm not going to engage in an argument with you about this" a couple of times if she tries to pursue it but I'm not on trial with a hostile prosecutor despite how she'd like to make it appear. I'll stop responding or leave the room (or send her to hers) if she keeps it up but by now, she doesn't. I say one of my little mantras to myself "I will not engage" until the urge to argue passes. difficult child doesn't have the verbal skills to argue with me; he'll yell or something, but that's a different story. All I can say about the neighbor is that she sounds like a past mistress of head games. She knows how to keep you engaged in her little game. You don't have to play; the price of her sometimes-niceness is awfully high. I don't punish my cubs on someone else's information in front of them; I think there are sick or bored people that like to see children get into trouble. I just say, "Thanks for letting me know" and leave it. Your life isn't a soap opera for her entertainment. Maybe I'm projecting some stuff onto your neighbor, but you might think about it. Maybe some of the above could give you an idea; maybe it was all a waste of typing [img]:wink:[/img] Take something if it looks good to you ... and good luck! [/QUOTE]
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