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Lord, please send me strength (and you guys too!)
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 170906" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">Of course the story has changed a little (nearly by the hour with difficult child). Apparently this move is to take place in 2-3 weeks. This tells me it's highly unlikely it will ever happen.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">My exh has burns on his ears from me blasting him. And having to list out the many ways in which we've tried with difficult child was even a little illuminating for me - I had forgotten so much. And also in the lambasting I told him about a lot of things he never knew about...not because I kept it from him but because there were so many stories and over the years, you know, things are moving so fast that I simply didn't have the time to call him and tell him all of them...plus, in the earlier years he was fighting me more about putting difficult child on medications and every time I called him or anyone in his family, that's all they would talk about. It became pointless for me to try and make them understand what was going on in our home with difficult child.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">I was telling H about my conversation with exh and I cannot believe the change in him since finally getting on the same page with me about this. He stood there nodding his head as he remembered the many ways in which difficult child would cripple us or any plans we had, how she managed to ruin entire weekends with her rage attacks, and how we felt like we were being held hostage by this little 8 year old. We talked about how difficult it was to make certain decisions in her care, all the work and hours spent between doctors and schools, etc., trying to help this kid. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">It's not like we feel she 'owes' us, and I think that's what exh has in his head. But he is just soooo clueless about everything, even though I fill him in on a regular basis. I mean, since May 2005 (the pedophile incident) he knows EVERYTHING that's gone on and yet, he still listens to difficult child and doubts me. He has these ideas and misconceptions in his head about what my relationship is with my daughters and no matter what I say, I can't seem to make him see it's not what he thinks.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">The thing about parenting difficult child is that despite all the crud and fighting, we ARE really close - she DOES tell me things and come to me. I don't hold her to a higher expectation than I would any other kid her age who is a HS grad. She's stuck in a very immature place, she's drinking and drugging and tries to manipulate us and everyone, but we're not biting....exh is. Why? Because he hasn't had to contend with her on such a close level as we have for so many years...he's green to all of this, even though he knows all the crud we've been through. I hate that he thinks there is constant chaos and yelling and fighting going on in our home and between me and my daughters. It's just not so. I told him flat out: I AM NOT ANGRY - I DO NOT YELL AT difficult child - I AM JUST TIRED OF HER ABUSE AND REFUSE TO LIVE WITH IT ANYMORE. I'M DONE (haha, I just realized I'm yelling now! lol). But he still isn't hearing me. So, I give up with that. I can't make him understand.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">difficult child told exh that everything went downhill between us when easy child went off to college. Ahem, shortly after easy child left, difficult child broke up with her boyfriend that we liked, who was clean and didn't do drugs or drink and fell at her feet. She then proceeded to hang out with giant losers and sneak around with her then bff drinking and smoking pot, staying out HOURS past curfew and lying left and right (well, that part wasn't new). Anyway, the drama in her life escalated as she went from one loser to another and then back again. It was all I could do from not nailing her to her bedroom floor just to get one day's peace. Is it worth even bringing up with difficult child? I mean even if I point the facts out to difficult child, will she even consider it and realize that her being grounded and creating tension in the home had nothing to do with easy child being gone? It just so happens that the relationship between easy child and difficult child had been somewhat strained by that time already, and to be honest, I think easy child couldn't wait to get away from difficult child and all her BS...and I can't blame her. But it's not like <em>all of a sudden</em>, our focus turned to difficult child - she ALWAYS had our attention. I mean, please. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #000080">Exh's big advice to easy child yesterday was this, "I don't care what you do, smoke a joint together, have a beer together, and just talk like sisters...have a fun conversation and just be sisters. Don't be such a mom with difficult child." That's just F**^(^(*G great exh! Place all the burden at easy child's feet and in the process, tell them to drink/drug so they can have a moment of emotional intimacy. What a moron. Apparently easy child said she's NOT acting like a mom with difficult child and that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Ugh. easy child is finishing up classes today and graduating tomorrow - she doesn't need this aggravation.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">If difficult child goes to NH, she will most definitely not be able to get birth control and she will likely not take her medications. In fact, I am not giving her them, because I'm afraid that in a desperate moment she may try to take them all at once. If she's not taking her medications and she's living with monkeyboy in a friend's house and everything...she will either end up pregnant or in the psychiatric ward or both. Her choice though. It's not like she doesn't KNOW this. Knowing and REALIZING are two different things though.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: navy">So, I suppose I'm just rambling. Thanks for the feedback - it's good to know I'm not insane. Well, for the most part.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 170906, member: 2211"] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]Of course the story has changed a little (nearly by the hour with difficult child). Apparently this move is to take place in 2-3 weeks. This tells me it's highly unlikely it will ever happen.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]My exh has burns on his ears from me blasting him. And having to list out the many ways in which we've tried with difficult child was even a little illuminating for me - I had forgotten so much. And also in the lambasting I told him about a lot of things he never knew about...not because I kept it from him but because there were so many stories and over the years, you know, things are moving so fast that I simply didn't have the time to call him and tell him all of them...plus, in the earlier years he was fighting me more about putting difficult child on medications and every time I called him or anyone in his family, that's all they would talk about. It became pointless for me to try and make them understand what was going on in our home with difficult child.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]I was telling H about my conversation with exh and I cannot believe the change in him since finally getting on the same page with me about this. He stood there nodding his head as he remembered the many ways in which difficult child would cripple us or any plans we had, how she managed to ruin entire weekends with her rage attacks, and how we felt like we were being held hostage by this little 8 year old. We talked about how difficult it was to make certain decisions in her care, all the work and hours spent between doctors and schools, etc., trying to help this kid. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]It's not like we feel she 'owes' us, and I think that's what exh has in his head. But he is just soooo clueless about everything, even though I fill him in on a regular basis. I mean, since May 2005 (the pedophile incident) he knows EVERYTHING that's gone on and yet, he still listens to difficult child and doubts me. He has these ideas and misconceptions in his head about what my relationship is with my daughters and no matter what I say, I can't seem to make him see it's not what he thinks.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]The thing about parenting difficult child is that despite all the crud and fighting, we ARE really close - she DOES tell me things and come to me. I don't hold her to a higher expectation than I would any other kid her age who is a HS grad. She's stuck in a very immature place, she's drinking and drugging and tries to manipulate us and everyone, but we're not biting....exh is. Why? Because he hasn't had to contend with her on such a close level as we have for so many years...he's green to all of this, even though he knows all the crud we've been through. I hate that he thinks there is constant chaos and yelling and fighting going on in our home and between me and my daughters. It's just not so. I told him flat out: I AM NOT ANGRY - I DO NOT YELL AT difficult child - I AM JUST TIRED OF HER ABUSE AND REFUSE TO LIVE WITH IT ANYMORE. I'M DONE (haha, I just realized I'm yelling now! lol). But he still isn't hearing me. So, I give up with that. I can't make him understand.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]difficult child told exh that everything went downhill between us when easy child went off to college. Ahem, shortly after easy child left, difficult child broke up with her boyfriend that we liked, who was clean and didn't do drugs or drink and fell at her feet. She then proceeded to hang out with giant losers and sneak around with her then bff drinking and smoking pot, staying out HOURS past curfew and lying left and right (well, that part wasn't new). Anyway, the drama in her life escalated as she went from one loser to another and then back again. It was all I could do from not nailing her to her bedroom floor just to get one day's peace. Is it worth even bringing up with difficult child? I mean even if I point the facts out to difficult child, will she even consider it and realize that her being grounded and creating tension in the home had nothing to do with easy child being gone? It just so happens that the relationship between easy child and difficult child had been somewhat strained by that time already, and to be honest, I think easy child couldn't wait to get away from difficult child and all her BS...and I can't blame her. But it's not like [I]all of a sudden[/I], our focus turned to difficult child - she ALWAYS had our attention. I mean, please. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000080]Exh's big advice to easy child yesterday was this, "I don't care what you do, smoke a joint together, have a beer together, and just talk like sisters...have a fun conversation and just be sisters. Don't be such a mom with difficult child." That's just F**^(^(*G great exh! Place all the burden at easy child's feet and in the process, tell them to drink/drug so they can have a moment of emotional intimacy. What a moron. Apparently easy child said she's NOT acting like a mom with difficult child and that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Ugh. easy child is finishing up classes today and graduating tomorrow - she doesn't need this aggravation.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]If difficult child goes to NH, she will most definitely not be able to get birth control and she will likely not take her medications. In fact, I am not giving her them, because I'm afraid that in a desperate moment she may try to take them all at once. If she's not taking her medications and she's living with monkeyboy in a friend's house and everything...she will either end up pregnant or in the psychiatric ward or both. Her choice though. It's not like she doesn't KNOW this. Knowing and REALIZING are two different things though.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=navy]So, I suppose I'm just rambling. Thanks for the feedback - it's good to know I'm not insane. Well, for the most part.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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