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Losing adult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 668674" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>One last thing. I know that you love him. You would not be on this site if you didn't. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is sheer torture as a parent. To do it over, I would have kicked my son out years earlier. But, sadly, there are no do overs.</p><p></p><p>He knows that you love him and, sadly is taking complete advantage of this fact. You mention your grandchildren. Is this part of the reason that you are afraid or hesitant to kick him out? He is quite aware of this and is using it to his advanrage.</p><p></p><p>First, is he a good father or role model in his present state? He could lose his visitation rights.</p><p></p><p>It should be the other way around. He should be working hard at improving himself to have the right...yes, the right to be able to see his children in YOUR house. Why should he find a job if you will give him money and he can sleep-in? What if he hurts someone while driving without a license? Who is paying for his gas?</p><p></p><p>Do not let fear prevent you from helping your son to get better. Take back the power. Your loving kindness is not helping him. His visitations could still be present, even without his living there. Locations and drop-offs could change. The best would be that he realizes that he could lose the visitations with his children. His behavior now would warrant that. You also want your grandchildren to be safe and have a stable father.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes it takes some time on their own, without help or financial assistance, to realize that they need to change. He needs help...consistent weekly help. </p><p></p><p>Think of it this way, any improvement in your son, will greatly help your grandchildren...and you.</p><p></p><p>Hugs, this morning. Keep posting. This site saved me. It gives you strength by numbers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 668674, member: 19245"] One last thing. I know that you love him. You would not be on this site if you didn't. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is sheer torture as a parent. To do it over, I would have kicked my son out years earlier. But, sadly, there are no do overs. He knows that you love him and, sadly is taking complete advantage of this fact. You mention your grandchildren. Is this part of the reason that you are afraid or hesitant to kick him out? He is quite aware of this and is using it to his advanrage. First, is he a good father or role model in his present state? He could lose his visitation rights. It should be the other way around. He should be working hard at improving himself to have the right...yes, the right to be able to see his children in YOUR house. Why should he find a job if you will give him money and he can sleep-in? What if he hurts someone while driving without a license? Who is paying for his gas? Do not let fear prevent you from helping your son to get better. Take back the power. Your loving kindness is not helping him. His visitations could still be present, even without his living there. Locations and drop-offs could change. The best would be that he realizes that he could lose the visitations with his children. His behavior now would warrant that. You also want your grandchildren to be safe and have a stable father. Sometimes it takes some time on their own, without help or financial assistance, to realize that they need to change. He needs help...consistent weekly help. Think of it this way, any improvement in your son, will greatly help your grandchildren...and you. Hugs, this morning. Keep posting. This site saved me. It gives you strength by numbers. [/QUOTE]
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