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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 672536" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is very nice imagery, easy to remember to employ it when we are in that FOG place. Our son was recently in a similar place. He wanted reassurance. He wanted an attorney. He wanted us to take the kids if and when he was incarcerated. He wanted money. They were all starving. He wanted a decent vehicle. And we just kept saying no. What we did say: "I am so sorry this is happening to you. I don't know how, but I do know you will come through this time okay. I believe in you. I know you can. I am not enabling anymore. You are a fine, capable man. You will come through. I love you."</p><p></p><p>It was helpful to know my words I would use in advance. I have that responsibility thing going on, and it nearly kills me to say: "I don't know."</p><p></p><p>But I said that, too. Son wold say something like: "What do you expect me to do." And I would say: "I don't know. But I do know you are bright and strong and you don't need me to rescue you. I am not enabling, anymore."</p><p></p><p>And my son did not like that.</p><p></p><p>But he is better today.</p><p></p><p>He is the one stronger, now. He has not given his problem to me to solve and so, he is the one who is stronger, now. I am the one who will not help. It could be that this makes my son think twice before he does something he may regret. This is so because he loves his own children. It has nothing to do with me. He wants to be there for them.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure how my story applies to yours, or to your son's, kalahou. The more our son lived at home, and the more times we paid for things so he wouldn't go under...it just never worked. Things got worse than we could have imagined and kept going downhill from there. It took a certain amount of strength to say: NO MONEY. No you cannot move home. No we will not take your kids. </p><p></p><p>But I think it was the best thing we have ever done for our son's sake.</p><p></p><p>He began standing for himself.</p><p></p><p>You did the right thing in cleaning the room. It is how we teach ourselves that we mean to reclaim stability in our lives. That is the thing the kids take from us too, when they are somewhere in that limbo between boy and man for too long a time.</p><p></p><p>Our stability, our peace, our positive self regard.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 672536, member: 17461"] This is very nice imagery, easy to remember to employ it when we are in that FOG place. Our son was recently in a similar place. He wanted reassurance. He wanted an attorney. He wanted us to take the kids if and when he was incarcerated. He wanted money. They were all starving. He wanted a decent vehicle. And we just kept saying no. What we did say: "I am so sorry this is happening to you. I don't know how, but I do know you will come through this time okay. I believe in you. I know you can. I am not enabling anymore. You are a fine, capable man. You will come through. I love you." It was helpful to know my words I would use in advance. I have that responsibility thing going on, and it nearly kills me to say: "I don't know." But I said that, too. Son wold say something like: "What do you expect me to do." And I would say: "I don't know. But I do know you are bright and strong and you don't need me to rescue you. I am not enabling, anymore." And my son did not like that. But he is better today. He is the one stronger, now. He has not given his problem to me to solve and so, he is the one who is stronger, now. I am the one who will not help. It could be that this makes my son think twice before he does something he may regret. This is so because he loves his own children. It has nothing to do with me. He wants to be there for them. I am not sure how my story applies to yours, or to your son's, kalahou. The more our son lived at home, and the more times we paid for things so he wouldn't go under...it just never worked. Things got worse than we could have imagined and kept going downhill from there. It took a certain amount of strength to say: NO MONEY. No you cannot move home. No we will not take your kids. But I think it was the best thing we have ever done for our son's sake. He began standing for himself. You did the right thing in cleaning the room. It is how we teach ourselves that we mean to reclaim stability in our lives. That is the thing the kids take from us too, when they are somewhere in that limbo between boy and man for too long a time. Our stability, our peace, our positive self regard. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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