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Losing Adult Child*
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 672606" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi K---I am glad you are working on you. It's clear from your post that much of your energy is shifting to yourself, and that is a very healthy thing. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>One thing that helped me a lot was writing things down that I wanted to saw to him, and then printing it out and keeping a copy in my purse. I very clearly remember the first time I used the sheet. I was at Panera and waiting for a friend to arrive. His name flashed up on my screen---he was homeless but had a phone from the government. I took a deep breath and answered. This was long after I finally learned that I didn't have to answer the phone every time he called. I got my sheet out and I forced myself only to respond to things written on that sheet. He was asking for things, money, a ride, etc., and I just kept "sticking to the script." My voice got very firm and louder a few times because it was stressful but I kept my eyes on the page. One of the things I wrote on that sheet was "I love you." I tried to say that a few times during the phone call. Other things were: Oh. Really. I'm sorry. I'm sure you can figure that out. That sounds hard. I don't know. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a good option, and New leaf is right about the issue of evicting someone. My son just went through that with an old girlfriend. Think about what you can do about the mail. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this image too. Another thought is just getting a PO box and filling out a change of address card (if he won't do it---you can) and then sending the mail there until it finally stops. Yes, this is something he should do but if it won't and doesn't, then you can do it to preserve your own sanity.</p><p></p><p>Steps, taking steps. That is what this is about. Determining what YOU need, what works for you, and then walking forward down the path to reclaim your own life, regardless of what he does or does not do. </p><p></p><p>Keep moving forward. And if your journey slows or gets temporarily derailed, that is okay too. That is to be expected. Be patient with yourself and very very kind. Now that you are thinking differently, you will behave differently. But it's not a perfect path, and that is just fine. Do the best you can, and that is enough.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 672606, member: 17542"] Hi K---I am glad you are working on you. It's clear from your post that much of your energy is shifting to yourself, and that is a very healthy thing. One thing that helped me a lot was writing things down that I wanted to saw to him, and then printing it out and keeping a copy in my purse. I very clearly remember the first time I used the sheet. I was at Panera and waiting for a friend to arrive. His name flashed up on my screen---he was homeless but had a phone from the government. I took a deep breath and answered. This was long after I finally learned that I didn't have to answer the phone every time he called. I got my sheet out and I forced myself only to respond to things written on that sheet. He was asking for things, money, a ride, etc., and I just kept "sticking to the script." My voice got very firm and louder a few times because it was stressful but I kept my eyes on the page. One of the things I wrote on that sheet was "I love you." I tried to say that a few times during the phone call. Other things were: Oh. Really. I'm sorry. I'm sure you can figure that out. That sounds hard. I don't know. This is a good option, and New leaf is right about the issue of evicting someone. My son just went through that with an old girlfriend. Think about what you can do about the mail. I love this image too. Another thought is just getting a PO box and filling out a change of address card (if he won't do it---you can) and then sending the mail there until it finally stops. Yes, this is something he should do but if it won't and doesn't, then you can do it to preserve your own sanity. Steps, taking steps. That is what this is about. Determining what YOU need, what works for you, and then walking forward down the path to reclaim your own life, regardless of what he does or does not do. Keep moving forward. And if your journey slows or gets temporarily derailed, that is okay too. That is to be expected. Be patient with yourself and very very kind. Now that you are thinking differently, you will behave differently. But it's not a perfect path, and that is just fine. Do the best you can, and that is enough. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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