Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Losing Adult Child*
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672817" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>My Dearest Ka la hou,</p><p>You have made such progress in a short time. It is truly inspirational, the work you have done to come to this threshold.</p><p> It seems that your son has <em>somewhat</em> accepted your convictions, but is still trying to test the waters a bit.</p><p> This was not easy for you to do Kalahou, I know. It would have been easy for you to just let him be. You did the right thing. It is still tough.</p><p></p><p>So many mixed feelings, as our d cs walk out the door, into the night.</p><p></p><p> You are using your head, and not your heart, breaking free of old patterns.This will make him think, and hopefully start to break his old patterns.Though it is tough, you have done a very loving thing for him.</p><p></p><p>Following through with your intentions, this is presence Kalahou, perseverance and fortitude. By your actions, he can begin to develop these qualities himself.</p><p></p><p>We go through a grieving, it is intense. Our love is tremendous for our children, it is a deep feeling of loss. It is akin to taking the first steps after being immobilized. We are paralyzed, really by our d cs. Shocked, dazed and confused. We are experiencing the awakening, and the first steps towards change.</p><p></p><p>The truth of enmeshment and coming free from the tangled web.</p><p></p><p> You are coming out of the fog. It is at first somewhat debilitating. We are frozen in our patterns, breaking them is a freeing, yet painful process. You are doing well Kalahou. You are taking your life back and giving your son his freedom, too. He is no longer able to shut himself away in his room.</p><p></p><p> I do the same. There will come a time when the need to be here will lessen, as we grow stronger. Seeing others through various stages of this journey, helps me to know there is relief. No matter what the outcome, there is a way to carry on.</p><p></p><p> You have so much going on Kalahou. I do believe your GKs will not be surprised. It is a good example for them, to know that we all have boundaries and reasonable expectations for respect in our homes.</p><p>When my GK's came over this weekend, I sensed no resentment, rather, an understanding. Children are very astute, they get it, more than we know.</p><p>Resolve is good. How to be constant, in an ever evolving situation? To be strong, but be able to bend, without bending over backwards? I think it will take me time to learn this. I too, think it wise to mind words that would be wasted, falling on deaf ears, yet raising the hackles. No sense, grabbing the angry dog by the tail. Action and follow through speaks louder.</p><p>It is interesting, the little differences you mentioned in your sons approach to your home. He has already changed a bit, knowing the boundaries you are setting.</p><p>I feel you, with the weepiness. The hurt of realizing it all. We will be here for you Kalahou. We will walk this journey together. That is the beauty of this site.</p><p>My husband has mentioned to me that he feels it is okay to have our daughter come and take a shower, have a meal. It makes me uneasy, because she takes these things for granted. There is some part of me that wishes she would respond to the kindness of it. History has proven differently.</p><p>I have no control over what my husband will do. It is hard, because she uses his offering as an opportunity to triangulate.</p><p>This will be another chapter in the book.</p><p>One day at a time.</p><p>It is a whole new way to dance, really.</p><p>The mind and body have to get</p><p>used to the new movements</p><p>and rhythm.</p><p>With practice and time</p><p>we will.</p><p>With purpose</p><p>we will.</p><p>Yes, Kalahou a life with purpose</p><p>A purposeful life</p><p>for us</p><p>and for our d cs.</p><p>Malama pono</p><p>A Hui Hou</p><p>Sleep well dear sister</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672817, member: 19522"] My Dearest Ka la hou, You have made such progress in a short time. It is truly inspirational, the work you have done to come to this threshold. It seems that your son has [I]somewhat[/I] accepted your convictions, but is still trying to test the waters a bit. This was not easy for you to do Kalahou, I know. It would have been easy for you to just let him be. You did the right thing. It is still tough. So many mixed feelings, as our d cs walk out the door, into the night. You are using your head, and not your heart, breaking free of old patterns.This will make him think, and hopefully start to break his old patterns.Though it is tough, you have done a very loving thing for him. Following through with your intentions, this is presence Kalahou, perseverance and fortitude. By your actions, he can begin to develop these qualities himself. We go through a grieving, it is intense. Our love is tremendous for our children, it is a deep feeling of loss. It is akin to taking the first steps after being immobilized. We are paralyzed, really by our d cs. Shocked, dazed and confused. We are experiencing the awakening, and the first steps towards change. The truth of enmeshment and coming free from the tangled web. You are coming out of the fog. It is at first somewhat debilitating. We are frozen in our patterns, breaking them is a freeing, yet painful process. You are doing well Kalahou. You are taking your life back and giving your son his freedom, too. He is no longer able to shut himself away in his room. I do the same. There will come a time when the need to be here will lessen, as we grow stronger. Seeing others through various stages of this journey, helps me to know there is relief. No matter what the outcome, there is a way to carry on. You have so much going on Kalahou. I do believe your GKs will not be surprised. It is a good example for them, to know that we all have boundaries and reasonable expectations for respect in our homes. When my GK's came over this weekend, I sensed no resentment, rather, an understanding. Children are very astute, they get it, more than we know. Resolve is good. How to be constant, in an ever evolving situation? To be strong, but be able to bend, without bending over backwards? I think it will take me time to learn this. I too, think it wise to mind words that would be wasted, falling on deaf ears, yet raising the hackles. No sense, grabbing the angry dog by the tail. Action and follow through speaks louder. It is interesting, the little differences you mentioned in your sons approach to your home. He has already changed a bit, knowing the boundaries you are setting. I feel you, with the weepiness. The hurt of realizing it all. We will be here for you Kalahou. We will walk this journey together. That is the beauty of this site. My husband has mentioned to me that he feels it is okay to have our daughter come and take a shower, have a meal. It makes me uneasy, because she takes these things for granted. There is some part of me that wishes she would respond to the kindness of it. History has proven differently. I have no control over what my husband will do. It is hard, because she uses his offering as an opportunity to triangulate. This will be another chapter in the book. One day at a time. It is a whole new way to dance, really. The mind and body have to get used to the new movements and rhythm. With practice and time we will. With purpose we will. Yes, Kalahou a life with purpose A purposeful life for us and for our d cs. Malama pono A Hui Hou Sleep well dear sister (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Losing Adult Child*
Top