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Losing Hope and Need Help
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622732" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>CA, the day we are at the end of our rope is the day we ask for help. From the police, from mental health providers, from our ministers and priests, and from each other. That is a good day, CA. We are only human, and we can only do so much. We are not God. He has not given us the Power to change anybody but ourselves. We are mothers, and we are the last man standing for our kids most of the time after everybody shakes their head and turns away and stops. </p><p></p><p>Most of us, before that, are hanging on for dear life to those who we gave birth to and raised and love beyond all reason. We keep on believing that if we just love them enough, and wait, and pray, and help them, and get them help, and talk to them, and restrict and ground them, and keep them physically safe as much as we can, that one day, they will slowly grow up and this will stop. And I've seen that happen with many kids and young people.</p><p></p><p>But not with ours, because the mental illness (I'm including addiction here as well) is present and in the case of addiction, it is progressive.</p><p></p><p>Every time my son threatens suicide, I call the police. Threatening suicide is against the law in my state. I have hoped that calling for help when he does this will not only stop him for the moment if he is really going to do this horrible, unimaginable thing, but it is also a gateway for help. </p><p></p><p>He has threatened it many times. Once in the past five weeks. I drove to where he was, and once again, I said, every time you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I am going to call the police. </p><p></p><p>Most of the time, CA, he stops threatening suicide. I have no way of knowing if he will try it or if he really means it. I will take it seriously every time. One time he cut his wrists (very superficially I was told by the doctors at the ER) and texted the pictures to his old girlfriend who called me hysterical and I met the police at his dad's house where he was staying and we got him to the ER and then to the state hospital for a week. </p><p></p><p>It took me a long time to stop, CA. I only did it after I tried Every. Single. Thing. I could think of, and I did those things multiple times. Nothing worked, everything was only getting worse, and there were two crazy and desperate people not one. He and me. </p><p></p><p>Today, my son is homeless and has been for the past five weeks. We see each other about once a week for 10 minutes. We have had several nice, calm, peaceful and loving talks sitting the car for those 10 minutes. I am grateful and a little nervous about this fragile peace between us and it seems, within him. I know it can change on a dime. It has before.</p><p></p><p>I love my son beyond all reason, CA. I would do anything, anything, anything to help him. </p><p></p><p>I am doing the one thing, today, I have never done before. I am leaving him alone. I am praying to God Almighty every single day that somehow, someway, my son will begin to take the steps forward he needs to take to have a life. If and when he does, people from all kinds of places will come alongside him and support him and even help him, but we can't do it for him, CA. And the more we try to do it for him, the more we are crippling him and ensuring that he will never have a chance to be a man. </p><p></p><p>We can't do it anymore than our parents could do it for us. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like you are completely sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have done all anybody can do. </p><p></p><p>In my opinion (only my opinion, CA), it's time to stop. And it will be really really hard to stop, if that is what you want and decide to do. Only you know what you can and should do. Right now you are exhausted and frantic and terrified. </p><p></p><p>Just do one thing differently today. You have turned off your phone. That is huge. Continue to take small steps down the path.</p><p></p><p>You can be okay and have contentment, peace, serenity and joy, even if your precious son decides to continue down his path. </p><p></p><p>Please keep posting here. We can offer support, care, practical advice and comfort---no matter what you decide to do. We KNOW how hard this is. We get it. We have been there and done that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622732, member: 17542"] CA, the day we are at the end of our rope is the day we ask for help. From the police, from mental health providers, from our ministers and priests, and from each other. That is a good day, CA. We are only human, and we can only do so much. We are not God. He has not given us the Power to change anybody but ourselves. We are mothers, and we are the last man standing for our kids most of the time after everybody shakes their head and turns away and stops. Most of us, before that, are hanging on for dear life to those who we gave birth to and raised and love beyond all reason. We keep on believing that if we just love them enough, and wait, and pray, and help them, and get them help, and talk to them, and restrict and ground them, and keep them physically safe as much as we can, that one day, they will slowly grow up and this will stop. And I've seen that happen with many kids and young people. But not with ours, because the mental illness (I'm including addiction here as well) is present and in the case of addiction, it is progressive. Every time my son threatens suicide, I call the police. Threatening suicide is against the law in my state. I have hoped that calling for help when he does this will not only stop him for the moment if he is really going to do this horrible, unimaginable thing, but it is also a gateway for help. He has threatened it many times. Once in the past five weeks. I drove to where he was, and once again, I said, every time you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I am going to call the police. Most of the time, CA, he stops threatening suicide. I have no way of knowing if he will try it or if he really means it. I will take it seriously every time. One time he cut his wrists (very superficially I was told by the doctors at the ER) and texted the pictures to his old girlfriend who called me hysterical and I met the police at his dad's house where he was staying and we got him to the ER and then to the state hospital for a week. It took me a long time to stop, CA. I only did it after I tried Every. Single. Thing. I could think of, and I did those things multiple times. Nothing worked, everything was only getting worse, and there were two crazy and desperate people not one. He and me. Today, my son is homeless and has been for the past five weeks. We see each other about once a week for 10 minutes. We have had several nice, calm, peaceful and loving talks sitting the car for those 10 minutes. I am grateful and a little nervous about this fragile peace between us and it seems, within him. I know it can change on a dime. It has before. I love my son beyond all reason, CA. I would do anything, anything, anything to help him. I am doing the one thing, today, I have never done before. I am leaving him alone. I am praying to God Almighty every single day that somehow, someway, my son will begin to take the steps forward he needs to take to have a life. If and when he does, people from all kinds of places will come alongside him and support him and even help him, but we can't do it for him, CA. And the more we try to do it for him, the more we are crippling him and ensuring that he will never have a chance to be a man. We can't do it anymore than our parents could do it for us. It sounds like you are completely sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have done all anybody can do. In my opinion (only my opinion, CA), it's time to stop. And it will be really really hard to stop, if that is what you want and decide to do. Only you know what you can and should do. Right now you are exhausted and frantic and terrified. Just do one thing differently today. You have turned off your phone. That is huge. Continue to take small steps down the path. You can be okay and have contentment, peace, serenity and joy, even if your precious son decides to continue down his path. Please keep posting here. We can offer support, care, practical advice and comfort---no matter what you decide to do. We KNOW how hard this is. We get it. We have been there and done that. [/QUOTE]
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