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<blockquote data-quote="Ca Mom Losing Hope" data-source="post: 622771" data-attributes="member: 17782"><p>I think the reason I feel the most guilty is because he has nothing. No job, no money and if I didn't pay his rent he would have no shelter, in the mid west were it gets to be really cold. Now I know from reading your stories that this is not the end of the world. Plus it is officially Spring now and he will not freeze. I am stuck being a co-signer until the lease is up and we have told him that come August he has to find a place to live other than there. Not sure if we can legally take my name off the lease but I will fight to get it done. </p><p> </p><p>I have decided that I will keep his number blocked from my cell phone through the weekend. He is just fine. I talked with his father during my lunch break and he said he has called multiple times with no answer. Not surprising to me cause he would be embarrassed to act this way to his father. His dad called his cousin who lives in the same area and had him go over and check on him and the cousin said he was napping when he knocked but that he appeared ok. Same thing that the cop said yesterday when he did the well check. I told his Dad that I am disconnecting and he supported me. Even though I am glad that everything points to my difficult child as being ok physically, I am accepting the fact that I can't change any choice he does make and that it is not my fault if he makes a bad choice. I am eventually going to unblock his number but will be hanging up at the very first inappropriate rude comment or raising of the voice. I am feeling empowered and will hopefully become the very strong woman that I used to be. It is actually very ironic that I allow this man to treat me this way as I would never allow anyone else to speak or treat me badly in my other personal or work situations. </p><p> </p><p>I will most definitely not allow him to come live at home again. This is the root of his anger right now and actually was a decision I had came to before coming to this forum. It is what has brought his anger to a head because I did allow his brother who is going to college for web design, has never cussed me out or been violent toward me, and got a job in less than 4 days after arriving, move home. He is not perfect either but is making a very strong effort to get on his feet after a stint in the Navy. They were living together but the violence became too much for him as well. I do worry that he is just another type of difficult child but there is a timeline to his existence in our home with strict guidelines on the things he must do to help out around the home while living there. He does them all without argument and really always has. My difficult child would not even mow the lawn or bring the garbage cans from the road without an argument and a lovely word for me. Would tell me that I was using him for free labor instead of seeing that everyone in the house had to pitch in. So far so good on the older brother but it has only been 3 weeks. </p><p> </p><p>I am not going to allow his abuse wear me down any more than it has already. I can see the effect it has had on me physically. </p><p> </p><p>I repeat the Serenity Prayer often, so it is fitting you put this in the last post. I am not an atheist but my faith is definitely shaken.</p><p> </p><p>It bears repeating:</p><p> </p><p>God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change</p><p>The Courage to change the things I can</p><p>The Wisdom to know the difference</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ca Mom Losing Hope, post: 622771, member: 17782"] I think the reason I feel the most guilty is because he has nothing. No job, no money and if I didn't pay his rent he would have no shelter, in the mid west were it gets to be really cold. Now I know from reading your stories that this is not the end of the world. Plus it is officially Spring now and he will not freeze. I am stuck being a co-signer until the lease is up and we have told him that come August he has to find a place to live other than there. Not sure if we can legally take my name off the lease but I will fight to get it done. I have decided that I will keep his number blocked from my cell phone through the weekend. He is just fine. I talked with his father during my lunch break and he said he has called multiple times with no answer. Not surprising to me cause he would be embarrassed to act this way to his father. His dad called his cousin who lives in the same area and had him go over and check on him and the cousin said he was napping when he knocked but that he appeared ok. Same thing that the cop said yesterday when he did the well check. I told his Dad that I am disconnecting and he supported me. Even though I am glad that everything points to my difficult child as being ok physically, I am accepting the fact that I can't change any choice he does make and that it is not my fault if he makes a bad choice. I am eventually going to unblock his number but will be hanging up at the very first inappropriate rude comment or raising of the voice. I am feeling empowered and will hopefully become the very strong woman that I used to be. It is actually very ironic that I allow this man to treat me this way as I would never allow anyone else to speak or treat me badly in my other personal or work situations. I will most definitely not allow him to come live at home again. This is the root of his anger right now and actually was a decision I had came to before coming to this forum. It is what has brought his anger to a head because I did allow his brother who is going to college for web design, has never cussed me out or been violent toward me, and got a job in less than 4 days after arriving, move home. He is not perfect either but is making a very strong effort to get on his feet after a stint in the Navy. They were living together but the violence became too much for him as well. I do worry that he is just another type of difficult child but there is a timeline to his existence in our home with strict guidelines on the things he must do to help out around the home while living there. He does them all without argument and really always has. My difficult child would not even mow the lawn or bring the garbage cans from the road without an argument and a lovely word for me. Would tell me that I was using him for free labor instead of seeing that everyone in the house had to pitch in. So far so good on the older brother but it has only been 3 weeks. I am not going to allow his abuse wear me down any more than it has already. I can see the effect it has had on me physically. I repeat the Serenity Prayer often, so it is fitting you put this in the last post. I am not an atheist but my faith is definitely shaken. It bears repeating: God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change The Courage to change the things I can The Wisdom to know the difference [/QUOTE]
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