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Parent Emeritus
Losing Hope and Need Help
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 622876" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm sorry CaMom. Our kids often put us in the middle of a huge dilemma like the one you're presently in, forcing us to make such difficult decisions which feel horrible either way. It's a bad place to be.</p><p></p><p>Just so you know and can make your decisions with more information, our kids lean heavily into manipulation. Often they are entitled, lazy, selfish and cannot connect their behavior with the negative results the behavior brings. They blame others for their choices. When we stop the relentless giving and care taking of their needs, they generally react very badly and the threats and the fear tactics begin. It is very, very hard for us parents not to succumb to those threats and fears, we feel responsible and guilty and want to help.</p><p></p><p>Only you can decide how you want to handle this, however, many of us choose to remove ourselves from the other end of that tirade because most of the time, over time, it then stops. Going through it for you, the parent is tough, so it helps so much to get as much support as you can muster to help you stay the course. </p><p></p><p>You offered food and he refused. He wants what he wants and that is all there is for him. For you, there is no peace and there won't be any peace as long as you give in to his demands. You've already lived through this nightmare so you know how it usually ends up. Change your responses, that is the power that you have. Get support. Read other stories here on the PE forum. You're not alone, many here are going through very similar issues. </p><p></p><p>I hope you are feeling better today. Sending good thoughts...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 622876, member: 13542"] I'm sorry CaMom. Our kids often put us in the middle of a huge dilemma like the one you're presently in, forcing us to make such difficult decisions which feel horrible either way. It's a bad place to be. Just so you know and can make your decisions with more information, our kids lean heavily into manipulation. Often they are entitled, lazy, selfish and cannot connect their behavior with the negative results the behavior brings. They blame others for their choices. When we stop the relentless giving and care taking of their needs, they generally react very badly and the threats and the fear tactics begin. It is very, very hard for us parents not to succumb to those threats and fears, we feel responsible and guilty and want to help. Only you can decide how you want to handle this, however, many of us choose to remove ourselves from the other end of that tirade because most of the time, over time, it then stops. Going through it for you, the parent is tough, so it helps so much to get as much support as you can muster to help you stay the course. You offered food and he refused. He wants what he wants and that is all there is for him. For you, there is no peace and there won't be any peace as long as you give in to his demands. You've already lived through this nightmare so you know how it usually ends up. Change your responses, that is the power that you have. Get support. Read other stories here on the PE forum. You're not alone, many here are going through very similar issues. I hope you are feeling better today. Sending good thoughts........... [/QUOTE]
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