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Losing Hope and Need Help
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<blockquote data-quote="Ca Mom Losing Hope" data-source="post: 622878" data-attributes="member: 17782"><p>We talked once more after I wrote this last night. He started with a very nice conversation about the lost dog, asking if we had found him, etc. It felt normal and i wish all of our conversations could be random like that. I really want to get to the point where we are talking about the weather and how everyone in the family is doing. Normal conversations. Within a few minutes we got to the reason he wanted to talk. He keeps saying, why am i cutting him off? What did he do to get cut off? When i hear him say this it makes me realize that in his mind he was going to have this gravy train for a long time coming. Not to mention that paying his rent, utilities and phone and anything i can send without sending cash, is not cutting someone off. The conversation went on to the topic of how he would be just fine if i would let him move back into the house. I told him that he can't come back here, as i have said many times. He asks why, and i tell him that he has too much anger towards me and in general and i don't have the tools or the knowledge to help him and that he needs to seek counselling. As well, i can't live with the tension and anger in the house as it is not comfortable. He threw that his brother is here at me and i told him that he too could not live here and has to work his way out to be on his own. I am not giving him any money and that he is going to school and has a job (difficult child called me a liar here, can't imagine that his brother has a job so soon after leaving from there) and that he never talks to me the way he does. </p><p></p><p>And then i said what has needed to be said for a long time. I told him that he probably can never move back into the house and that i have a right to not have my adult sons living in my home and that they need to be moving toward their own life. I think this was a shock for him to hear me say.</p><p></p><p>One other thing that has been on my mind quite a bit is why is all the focus on me? His dad has been trying to call him all week but when i ask if he has talked to his dad he says no. I told him that it is not healthy to focus souly on me. He needs to reach out to others such as his dad and his cousin and any other member of the family he hasn't hurt or is willing to apologize for the hurt he has caused. One side note, he hasn't spoken to my mother, his grandmother, in about 2 years. She sobs every time i bring up his name as this hurts her so badly. She took him in one of the times that he was down and out and when he made her feel like a prisoner in her own home and treated her horribly, she too kicked him out. He will not forgive her for this.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, today is another day. I was putting off talking to him until today but we can't always control the timeline and yesterday was the day life chose for me to deal with this. Today i am going to search for our lost little doggy and try to focus on my life and how to heal.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ca Mom Losing Hope, post: 622878, member: 17782"] We talked once more after I wrote this last night. He started with a very nice conversation about the lost dog, asking if we had found him, etc. It felt normal and i wish all of our conversations could be random like that. I really want to get to the point where we are talking about the weather and how everyone in the family is doing. Normal conversations. Within a few minutes we got to the reason he wanted to talk. He keeps saying, why am i cutting him off? What did he do to get cut off? When i hear him say this it makes me realize that in his mind he was going to have this gravy train for a long time coming. Not to mention that paying his rent, utilities and phone and anything i can send without sending cash, is not cutting someone off. The conversation went on to the topic of how he would be just fine if i would let him move back into the house. I told him that he can't come back here, as i have said many times. He asks why, and i tell him that he has too much anger towards me and in general and i don't have the tools or the knowledge to help him and that he needs to seek counselling. As well, i can't live with the tension and anger in the house as it is not comfortable. He threw that his brother is here at me and i told him that he too could not live here and has to work his way out to be on his own. I am not giving him any money and that he is going to school and has a job (difficult child called me a liar here, can't imagine that his brother has a job so soon after leaving from there) and that he never talks to me the way he does. And then i said what has needed to be said for a long time. I told him that he probably can never move back into the house and that i have a right to not have my adult sons living in my home and that they need to be moving toward their own life. I think this was a shock for him to hear me say. One other thing that has been on my mind quite a bit is why is all the focus on me? His dad has been trying to call him all week but when i ask if he has talked to his dad he says no. I told him that it is not healthy to focus souly on me. He needs to reach out to others such as his dad and his cousin and any other member of the family he hasn't hurt or is willing to apologize for the hurt he has caused. One side note, he hasn't spoken to my mother, his grandmother, in about 2 years. She sobs every time i bring up his name as this hurts her so badly. She took him in one of the times that he was down and out and when he made her feel like a prisoner in her own home and treated her horribly, she too kicked him out. He will not forgive her for this. Anyway, today is another day. I was putting off talking to him until today but we can't always control the timeline and yesterday was the day life chose for me to deal with this. Today i am going to search for our lost little doggy and try to focus on my life and how to heal. [/QUOTE]
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