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Substance Abuse
lost and tired
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 549005" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself in a position to be looking for us, but glad you found us. I understand your predicament. I too am from a very unstable, dysfunctional family and my role had been to be the enabler. Sounds a lot like your story. However, it is not your responsibility to care for the others, you've likely done all you can. There is likely nothing else you can do, but pray for them, and make healthy choices as to how far into their lives you really want to go. </p><p></p><p>Setting boundaries is very helpful, deciding exactly what you're willing to do and what you're NOT willing to do, your therapist can help you with that. There comes a point, in most enablers lives when they hit that breaking point and I think that's the beginning of your own healing. It's time to stop caring for others at your expense and to start caring for you <strong>first.</strong> When you've been the enabler in an unhealthy family, it takes support to get out of that role because it's so tied in with our own self esteem and value, however, take it from one whose been there done that a very long time, <em>you are the most valuable person in your life and you deserve to be happy. </em>The others get to choose their own path and <em>you are not responsible for them and you don't have to pick up the pieces of their lives</em>. Find ways to set healthy boundaries with them, get support and go enjoy your life!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 549005, member: 13542"] Welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself in a position to be looking for us, but glad you found us. I understand your predicament. I too am from a very unstable, dysfunctional family and my role had been to be the enabler. Sounds a lot like your story. However, it is not your responsibility to care for the others, you've likely done all you can. There is likely nothing else you can do, but pray for them, and make healthy choices as to how far into their lives you really want to go. Setting boundaries is very helpful, deciding exactly what you're willing to do and what you're NOT willing to do, your therapist can help you with that. There comes a point, in most enablers lives when they hit that breaking point and I think that's the beginning of your own healing. It's time to stop caring for others at your expense and to start caring for you [B]first.[/B] When you've been the enabler in an unhealthy family, it takes support to get out of that role because it's so tied in with our own self esteem and value, however, take it from one whose been there done that a very long time, [I]you are the most valuable person in your life and you deserve to be happy. [/I]The others get to choose their own path and [I]you are not responsible for them and you don't have to pick up the pieces of their lives[/I]. Find ways to set healthy boundaries with them, get support and go enjoy your life! [/QUOTE]
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