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Lost & Confused: 18 YO Struggling With Depression
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 714238" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hi there, and sorry that you have to be here.</p><p></p><p>My family has lived, and is still living, a version of your story.</p><p></p><p>You speak with wisdom when you say that while you realize your desire to lead him down what you believe to be "the right path", ultimately, you lack any control over his choices. </p><p></p><p>This is very smart thinking on your part and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think it may prove to be "the right path" for you to take as you learn to let go of your adult (no matter how immature) son.</p><p></p><p>I've learned the hard way that no amount of worrying, fretting, planning or even manipulating on my part will make one iota of difference to my stepson (or anyone else).</p><p></p><p>My stepson refuses to take his medications, too. Refuses therapy, also. We've had to let go of our dreams for him and turn him loose to live his life, to have his experiences, to learn how to exist in the world, on his own terms. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't live with us, but his custodial parent doesn't have any more influence than we do.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband, and your other child if she is still living in the home and therefore directly affected by his behavior, will have to decide what boundaries might be necessary in order for you to be safe and happy while your son fulfills his destiny. He will do it his way with or without, frankly, your meddling.</p><p></p><p>If you have not already checked out Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, I recommend both of these free fellowships very highly. They might help with detachment and learning how to love our mentally ill/potentially substance abusing children from a distance that is healthy and safe for all of us.</p><p></p><p>At 18 your son is in a grey area between adulthood and childhood, but legally he is an adult, which gives your family some options.</p><p></p><p>Best of luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 714238, member: 13303"] Hi there, and sorry that you have to be here. My family has lived, and is still living, a version of your story. You speak with wisdom when you say that while you realize your desire to lead him down what you believe to be "the right path", ultimately, you lack any control over his choices. This is very smart thinking on your part and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think it may prove to be "the right path" for you to take as you learn to let go of your adult (no matter how immature) son. I've learned the hard way that no amount of worrying, fretting, planning or even manipulating on my part will make one iota of difference to my stepson (or anyone else). My stepson refuses to take his medications, too. Refuses therapy, also. We've had to let go of our dreams for him and turn him loose to live his life, to have his experiences, to learn how to exist in the world, on his own terms. He doesn't live with us, but his custodial parent doesn't have any more influence than we do. You and your husband, and your other child if she is still living in the home and therefore directly affected by his behavior, will have to decide what boundaries might be necessary in order for you to be safe and happy while your son fulfills his destiny. He will do it his way with or without, frankly, your meddling. If you have not already checked out Al-Anon or Codependents Anonymous, I recommend both of these free fellowships very highly. They might help with detachment and learning how to love our mentally ill/potentially substance abusing children from a distance that is healthy and safe for all of us. At 18 your son is in a grey area between adulthood and childhood, but legally he is an adult, which gives your family some options. Best of luck. [/QUOTE]
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Lost & Confused: 18 YO Struggling With Depression
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