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Lost my daughter for good I fear
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 529693" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs)))))</p><p></p><p>I am sorry things are so rough. For now, let her go. Send a text to say hi now and then but DON"T let her keep you upset. Get a therapist and work through this that way. Let your daughter know that you are trying to fix things n yourself so that your relationship will be better in the future.</p><p></p><p>Boyfriends come and go. I am sure you know many people who were with 'the love of their life' at your daughter's age and a few years later had forgotten the person's name, and they sure were not together ten or twenty years later. Let your daughter know that you are there, that you will listen if she wants to tlak - even if it is about how you have hurt her and how angry she is. Just as that this happen at a therapist's office. Your therapist or one she picks. That you will PAY for this if she wants to go. </p><p></p><p>Stay on the periphery of her life in small ways. Little notes to say I love you, small gifts now and then, maybe a card wtih a fun memory that you shared wehn she was little. But no pressure to see you. Just let her know you are there no matter what. </p><p></p><p>In time she will come back to you. Heck, look at Hound Dog's story. Her mom was abusive to all her sibs but esp to her. She was mostly raised by her gma, As a young adult she didn't want her mom anywhere near her. Slowly she and her mom created a good relationship - her mom mellowed and changed, she did too. Now? After years of swearing to NEVER let her mom live with her even if mom was on the streets, HD has invited her mom to come and move in with her for as long as she wants. Her sibs are just watning $$$ from mom, using her, only wanting her for what they can get from her. HD wants her mom to experience being with a family just because they want to spend time with you. that is what HD and her kids are offering, and it sounds like her mom might accept. SO this is awesome and they have an amazing new relationship.</p><p></p><p>In time you will get there too. But you have to be healthy and deal with the problems in the past. You have to tlak to someone at a DV center to learn how to stay connected to a daughter who is in an abusive relationship. Because even if he isn't hitting her now, he is abusing her. But with-o the right help, you will push her further away. So work on YOU, let the DV center help you with the relationship, and give it lots of time. Find things to do when the pain is really bad. A hobby, a pet, volunteer with kids or animals, be a Big Sister. LEt your daughter know you want her in yoru life but are willing to be patient and let it be on her terms. Nothing in on her terms in a controlling, abusive relationship, so this will be new, possibly scary, and probably enticing. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are hurting so much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 529693, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) I am sorry things are so rough. For now, let her go. Send a text to say hi now and then but DON"T let her keep you upset. Get a therapist and work through this that way. Let your daughter know that you are trying to fix things n yourself so that your relationship will be better in the future. Boyfriends come and go. I am sure you know many people who were with 'the love of their life' at your daughter's age and a few years later had forgotten the person's name, and they sure were not together ten or twenty years later. Let your daughter know that you are there, that you will listen if she wants to tlak - even if it is about how you have hurt her and how angry she is. Just as that this happen at a therapist's office. Your therapist or one she picks. That you will PAY for this if she wants to go. Stay on the periphery of her life in small ways. Little notes to say I love you, small gifts now and then, maybe a card wtih a fun memory that you shared wehn she was little. But no pressure to see you. Just let her know you are there no matter what. In time she will come back to you. Heck, look at Hound Dog's story. Her mom was abusive to all her sibs but esp to her. She was mostly raised by her gma, As a young adult she didn't want her mom anywhere near her. Slowly she and her mom created a good relationship - her mom mellowed and changed, she did too. Now? After years of swearing to NEVER let her mom live with her even if mom was on the streets, HD has invited her mom to come and move in with her for as long as she wants. Her sibs are just watning $$$ from mom, using her, only wanting her for what they can get from her. HD wants her mom to experience being with a family just because they want to spend time with you. that is what HD and her kids are offering, and it sounds like her mom might accept. SO this is awesome and they have an amazing new relationship. In time you will get there too. But you have to be healthy and deal with the problems in the past. You have to tlak to someone at a DV center to learn how to stay connected to a daughter who is in an abusive relationship. Because even if he isn't hitting her now, he is abusing her. But with-o the right help, you will push her further away. So work on YOU, let the DV center help you with the relationship, and give it lots of time. Find things to do when the pain is really bad. A hobby, a pet, volunteer with kids or animals, be a Big Sister. LEt your daughter know you want her in yoru life but are willing to be patient and let it be on her terms. Nothing in on her terms in a controlling, abusive relationship, so this will be new, possibly scary, and probably enticing. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. [/QUOTE]
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