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Lost my daughter for good I fear
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<blockquote data-quote="helpangel" data-source="post: 529743" data-attributes="member: 7170"><p>I see so much of how my relationship use to be with my mother in your posts. The main difference was the only time my mother and I had that volatile of a relationship was when we were living under the same roof. It was kind of like you could only have one queen bee in a beehive.</p><p></p><p>When I was a teenager my mother and I had a lot of screaming matches - I learned to jump fast because I never knew when her hand would come in contact with my face. I was a straight A student in school and 3 weeks before graduation she decided to ground me for skipping school (something she had ignored for 4 years) actually she didn't ground me she said I couldn't take the car. whatever</p><p></p><p>So when my friend pulled into the driveway with her van I ran out and got in. It being a school night came home 10:25 (5 minutes before curfew) to find a garbage bag of my clothes sitting on the porch with my pillow, makeup kit and hair dryer. Key doesn't fit - locks been changed. picked up my stuff walked 2 miles toward high school and slept in tube slide in the park then in morning took shower etc in locker room and went to school. Got called to office during 1st hour.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad only school staff saw the hissy fit my mother was throwing in that office. She was furious because when she called the police to report I had run away their attitude was honor student, working for CPA office, graduating, gonna be 18 in 2 months..... won't drag me home in handcuffs like she wants. I told her I want to talk to her but not here not now - school ends for me at 11:35 and this is the route I am taking walking & thumbing it to my work (12 miles away) that I need to be to at 1:00 - if I see you on the way I would talk would also really appreciate the ride; if not I'll call you around 10 when I get to my brothers (I was getting paid to sleep on his couch while him & wife worked midnights sitting for nieces)</p><p></p><p>So call that night and my dad answered with my mom screaming in the background; told him I love you guys but I can't be around that anymore it's toxic. I'll call once a week so you will know I'm ok and I wrote your phone # in permanent marker on bottom of my foot so if something happens you will get a call.</p><p></p><p>It took time (lots of it) but eventually things became civil there were dinners & holiday celebrations etc. thought everything was fine then at 20yo I was pregnant, father & I split up, my body threatening miscarriage with malnutrition I swallowed my pride and moved back in with my parents to have baby and regroup.</p><p></p><p>My dad was great put half the rent I gave him into an envelope for me (security deposit savings) My mom tried but not so great had to watch her with stuff around baby - I had to do everything she was dangerous - rocking & singing ok but let me feed him, change him, bath him. It wasn't just that - she would sit cookies where he could see them then if he reached for one she would smack him and call him a snot (a 1yo?)</p><p></p><p>Sorry didn't mean to write a book or go into life story when I started typing but here I sit 26 years later; I've read thru all your posts not just this thread but the other one on the over 18 forum and I remember what it was like being in your daughters shoes. I never got physical with my mother but she didn't stop me from leaving the office at school and she never approached my work place. Back when I was still that immature not sure how I would have handled it.</p><p></p><p>It wasn't until dealing with a raging bipolar child did I learn to appreciate my mom; she gave me life, she nourished me, yes she nagged me , almost smothered me trying to keep me all to herself, but she loved me. So last night when my dad had a meeting that was going to have him out after dark I drove over there and sat with my mom while he was gone. Didn't laugh when she tried to change the tv channel with the telephone (4 times) or correct her when she showed me a picture of her sister & brother in law and said it was my grandparents. Was just glad I could have a nice visit with my mom.</p><p></p><p>Dotty I honestly hope it doesn't take 20 years for you ... (like it did me) every time you approach, text or phone your daughter its like you are taking one step further away from her. She is going to need time and space. You seem to have so much love to give is there anywhere you could volunteer? Soup kitchen, animal shelter, retirement home, the zoo, local library ... find something you enjoy doing and try to find an activity in that area. The point I guess I'm trying to make is worrying yourself ill over this isn't productive. It seems that for the past few months you've been stuck in one place. You can't go back in time so the best thing is to figure out a way to move forward.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpangel, post: 529743, member: 7170"] I see so much of how my relationship use to be with my mother in your posts. The main difference was the only time my mother and I had that volatile of a relationship was when we were living under the same roof. It was kind of like you could only have one queen bee in a beehive. When I was a teenager my mother and I had a lot of screaming matches - I learned to jump fast because I never knew when her hand would come in contact with my face. I was a straight A student in school and 3 weeks before graduation she decided to ground me for skipping school (something she had ignored for 4 years) actually she didn't ground me she said I couldn't take the car. whatever So when my friend pulled into the driveway with her van I ran out and got in. It being a school night came home 10:25 (5 minutes before curfew) to find a garbage bag of my clothes sitting on the porch with my pillow, makeup kit and hair dryer. Key doesn't fit - locks been changed. picked up my stuff walked 2 miles toward high school and slept in tube slide in the park then in morning took shower etc in locker room and went to school. Got called to office during 1st hour. I'm glad only school staff saw the hissy fit my mother was throwing in that office. She was furious because when she called the police to report I had run away their attitude was honor student, working for CPA office, graduating, gonna be 18 in 2 months..... won't drag me home in handcuffs like she wants. I told her I want to talk to her but not here not now - school ends for me at 11:35 and this is the route I am taking walking & thumbing it to my work (12 miles away) that I need to be to at 1:00 - if I see you on the way I would talk would also really appreciate the ride; if not I'll call you around 10 when I get to my brothers (I was getting paid to sleep on his couch while him & wife worked midnights sitting for nieces) So call that night and my dad answered with my mom screaming in the background; told him I love you guys but I can't be around that anymore it's toxic. I'll call once a week so you will know I'm ok and I wrote your phone # in permanent marker on bottom of my foot so if something happens you will get a call. It took time (lots of it) but eventually things became civil there were dinners & holiday celebrations etc. thought everything was fine then at 20yo I was pregnant, father & I split up, my body threatening miscarriage with malnutrition I swallowed my pride and moved back in with my parents to have baby and regroup. My dad was great put half the rent I gave him into an envelope for me (security deposit savings) My mom tried but not so great had to watch her with stuff around baby - I had to do everything she was dangerous - rocking & singing ok but let me feed him, change him, bath him. It wasn't just that - she would sit cookies where he could see them then if he reached for one she would smack him and call him a snot (a 1yo?) Sorry didn't mean to write a book or go into life story when I started typing but here I sit 26 years later; I've read thru all your posts not just this thread but the other one on the over 18 forum and I remember what it was like being in your daughters shoes. I never got physical with my mother but she didn't stop me from leaving the office at school and she never approached my work place. Back when I was still that immature not sure how I would have handled it. It wasn't until dealing with a raging bipolar child did I learn to appreciate my mom; she gave me life, she nourished me, yes she nagged me , almost smothered me trying to keep me all to herself, but she loved me. So last night when my dad had a meeting that was going to have him out after dark I drove over there and sat with my mom while he was gone. Didn't laugh when she tried to change the tv channel with the telephone (4 times) or correct her when she showed me a picture of her sister & brother in law and said it was my grandparents. Was just glad I could have a nice visit with my mom. Dotty I honestly hope it doesn't take 20 years for you ... (like it did me) every time you approach, text or phone your daughter its like you are taking one step further away from her. She is going to need time and space. You seem to have so much love to give is there anywhere you could volunteer? Soup kitchen, animal shelter, retirement home, the zoo, local library ... find something you enjoy doing and try to find an activity in that area. The point I guess I'm trying to make is worrying yourself ill over this isn't productive. It seems that for the past few months you've been stuck in one place. You can't go back in time so the best thing is to figure out a way to move forward. [/QUOTE]
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