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Lost my daughter for good I fear
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 531298" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Definitely back right off. Any attempt to force contact now is leading to hostility and aggression, it's also playing right into boyfriend's hands and also it puts you on his radar screen to attack you in any way he can. if he thinks he's won, he will leave you alone and also stop being so determined to erase you from her life. If he thinks he has already erased you, why keep trying? It's your best chance.</p><p></p><p>Meantime, as I suggested before - keep writing letters, date them but DO NOT SEND THEM. Find a way to let her know (via her father, if it's possible; if not, then don't let her know) that there are loving letters for her to read, one day if she ever chooses to. Keep the letters loving and not judgmental. SHE is expressing hate (prompted by the boyfriend) so you should not otherwise it becomes tit-for-tat. It's also healthier for you to force yourself to be nice, especially in a letter. While you focus on hurt, anger and hate you will breed more of it in your heart. Guard yourself, for sure, but do your best to wash the anger and hate out of your heart. If the only way you can do that is to put all your focus onto some other part of your life, then do it. </p><p></p><p>It's difficult, but it can be done and you will feel healthier than you do now. It also is your best chance for a relationship with her, one day, if/when the creep walks out on her. You have to leave the door open and hope, and not try to kick in her door in any way. Don't even go knocking. If she breaks up with the guy, don't go knocking then, either. She has to come to you. After all, she is the one who has burned her bridges. This is not you getting on your high horse, it is you accepting that she has to be ready to reach out, or you risk alienating her further.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 531298, member: 1991"] Definitely back right off. Any attempt to force contact now is leading to hostility and aggression, it's also playing right into boyfriend's hands and also it puts you on his radar screen to attack you in any way he can. if he thinks he's won, he will leave you alone and also stop being so determined to erase you from her life. If he thinks he has already erased you, why keep trying? It's your best chance. Meantime, as I suggested before - keep writing letters, date them but DO NOT SEND THEM. Find a way to let her know (via her father, if it's possible; if not, then don't let her know) that there are loving letters for her to read, one day if she ever chooses to. Keep the letters loving and not judgmental. SHE is expressing hate (prompted by the boyfriend) so you should not otherwise it becomes tit-for-tat. It's also healthier for you to force yourself to be nice, especially in a letter. While you focus on hurt, anger and hate you will breed more of it in your heart. Guard yourself, for sure, but do your best to wash the anger and hate out of your heart. If the only way you can do that is to put all your focus onto some other part of your life, then do it. It's difficult, but it can be done and you will feel healthier than you do now. It also is your best chance for a relationship with her, one day, if/when the creep walks out on her. You have to leave the door open and hope, and not try to kick in her door in any way. Don't even go knocking. If she breaks up with the guy, don't go knocking then, either. She has to come to you. After all, she is the one who has burned her bridges. This is not you getting on your high horse, it is you accepting that she has to be ready to reach out, or you risk alienating her further. Marg [/QUOTE]
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