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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 106705" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>{{{kjs}}} Sending you some supportive mommy hugs.</p><p></p><p>It's so easy to take credit for when our kids do everything right and then blame ourselves for when they do everything wrong. It's really not fair to blame yourself for difficult child's challenges. </p><p></p><p>The more time passes and the better I've gotten to know what makes my girls tick, the more I believe in the strong genetic component at play. Certainly, life challenges and difficult circumstances can play a role in their development, but in my opinion certain pre-existing conditions must already be present in order for them to turn out a certain way. And this is not just to make me feel better. I look at my two girls - both raised in the same house, with both H and I, both products of a divorce, both had the same neglectful bio-father, both had the normal difficulty with friends in grade school, challenges in their teen years, misunderstandings, difficult learning experiences, some great teachers, some crappy teachers, plus dealing with all three of their parents' on again off again depression and anxiety, and addictions. </p><p></p><p>So, why has easy child's viewpoint of it all maintained an even calm and persevered and done so magnificent for herself - she's determined and focused and happy; this easy child truly perceives her childhood and life as being a great experience that she's thankful for. difficult child, on the other hand, perceives all of us as ruining her life, believing that we're to blame for all her woes, has mood swings, horrible adhd and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), tics. I have often questioned myself on the decision to put her on medications at 10 years of age. And we've experienced times without medications over the past 8 years since and I can tell you - it's chemical with her. She needs the medications and when I see her wanting to die or hurt someone and not being able to read one sentence in her book because her mind keeps wandering, then I am reassured that most of her issues have nothing to do with me. I am hopeful that when she's matured and can care for herself better she will try alternative methods but she won't now so she has to rely on her medications to get her through.</p><p></p><p>Ironically, it was easy child who I thought would have a hard time of it all. She was diagnosed with a Learning Disability (LD) in 2nd grade and held back a year. Everyone was constantly telling us how bright difficult child was and how she was going to do fantastic academically. Well, my, how the tables turned on us! We had no way of predicting that outcome.</p><p></p><p>We all do the best we can with what we know and under our personal circumstances, and that's what you've done. We all grow up with challenges and we adapt, we have to find a way to make our lives work despite those challenges. At some point your baby will find his way. You just keep plugging along and loving him and reaching out to him and helping him when you can, but he ultimately is responsible. And even though he has issues he's dealing with, deep down he knows the difference between right and wrong and he knows what his responsibilities are.</p><p></p><p>I know you're carrying a heavy load today and I'm sorry, sending lots of hugs and support. Please be gentle with yourself and try to have some fun during your time spent with difficult child, like Beth said.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 106705, member: 2211"] {{{kjs}}} Sending you some supportive mommy hugs. It's so easy to take credit for when our kids do everything right and then blame ourselves for when they do everything wrong. It's really not fair to blame yourself for difficult child's challenges. The more time passes and the better I've gotten to know what makes my girls tick, the more I believe in the strong genetic component at play. Certainly, life challenges and difficult circumstances can play a role in their development, but in my opinion certain pre-existing conditions must already be present in order for them to turn out a certain way. And this is not just to make me feel better. I look at my two girls - both raised in the same house, with both H and I, both products of a divorce, both had the same neglectful bio-father, both had the normal difficulty with friends in grade school, challenges in their teen years, misunderstandings, difficult learning experiences, some great teachers, some crappy teachers, plus dealing with all three of their parents' on again off again depression and anxiety, and addictions. So, why has easy child's viewpoint of it all maintained an even calm and persevered and done so magnificent for herself - she's determined and focused and happy; this easy child truly perceives her childhood and life as being a great experience that she's thankful for. difficult child, on the other hand, perceives all of us as ruining her life, believing that we're to blame for all her woes, has mood swings, horrible adhd and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), tics. I have often questioned myself on the decision to put her on medications at 10 years of age. And we've experienced times without medications over the past 8 years since and I can tell you - it's chemical with her. She needs the medications and when I see her wanting to die or hurt someone and not being able to read one sentence in her book because her mind keeps wandering, then I am reassured that most of her issues have nothing to do with me. I am hopeful that when she's matured and can care for herself better she will try alternative methods but she won't now so she has to rely on her medications to get her through. Ironically, it was easy child who I thought would have a hard time of it all. She was diagnosed with a Learning Disability (LD) in 2nd grade and held back a year. Everyone was constantly telling us how bright difficult child was and how she was going to do fantastic academically. Well, my, how the tables turned on us! We had no way of predicting that outcome. We all do the best we can with what we know and under our personal circumstances, and that's what you've done. We all grow up with challenges and we adapt, we have to find a way to make our lives work despite those challenges. At some point your baby will find his way. You just keep plugging along and loving him and reaching out to him and helping him when you can, but he ultimately is responsible. And even though he has issues he's dealing with, deep down he knows the difference between right and wrong and he knows what his responsibilities are. I know you're carrying a heavy load today and I'm sorry, sending lots of hugs and support. Please be gentle with yourself and try to have some fun during your time spent with difficult child, like Beth said. [/QUOTE]
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