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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 106731" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>There's a lot of factors for your son's misery -- none of them really yours. Fitting in in middle school is hard. It's even harder if you're younger than the rest of the gang. He'll have this problem until college, then it won't matter as much. </p><p></p><p>Financial problems are hard on kids. Not our fault they happen, sometimes life just does us in that way. I suppose if you'd like, you can blame yourself that you lost your job, that money was tight, that it was hard but that kind of seems like taking the blame if you get cancer, have to have chemo and aren't quite the person you want to be for this period. It's part of life. LIFE HAPPENS.</p><p></p><p>Issues occur in marriages. Sometimes they are worked out, sometimes they are not. Sounds like it is time for a talk with husband and tell him you don't deserve to shoulder all the work for raising your kids. He needs to pitch in (and that includes being the bad guy sometimes). Fighting where kids can hear it isn't great but I dare you to find me a couple who hasn't fought and the odds of the kids not knowing about it are somewhere between slim and none. Another one of those life happens things.</p><p></p><p>If your son is asking for medications, then I'd be taking him in for testing and going through the trials to find what works without causing tics (if there is something). He obviously feels something is wrong and has seen that medications help. So, this is something that is in your control and probably should be considered.</p><p></p><p>All in all, we can always find things to blame ourselves for. It is hard not to. For me, it is the fact that I was willing to give up my husband to have my child and she was raised fatherless because of this choice. Would she have been different, happier with a dad in the house? Who knows. There's no doubt that your family would have been happier with financial stability but that's certainly not something you could have controlled. Some people are resilient and get over this. Some even become stronger. Some use it as an excuse to fail. The same is true when parents have marital problems. I wonder how much of all of this he thinks is his fault? That may be a factor in his acting out.</p><p></p><p>I also think getting some medications and therapy for you would be a good thing. You have so much on your plate you can't helped be stressed and sleep deprivation doesn't help. Night shifts are hard on the body and, of course, the mind. Do give yourself a break. You truly aren't causing your son's issues. They are a part of him. You're doing everything humanly possible to help him. It sounds like he is a great kid and will probably grow into a wonderful young man.</p><p></p><p>HUGS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 106731, member: 3626"] There's a lot of factors for your son's misery -- none of them really yours. Fitting in in middle school is hard. It's even harder if you're younger than the rest of the gang. He'll have this problem until college, then it won't matter as much. Financial problems are hard on kids. Not our fault they happen, sometimes life just does us in that way. I suppose if you'd like, you can blame yourself that you lost your job, that money was tight, that it was hard but that kind of seems like taking the blame if you get cancer, have to have chemo and aren't quite the person you want to be for this period. It's part of life. LIFE HAPPENS. Issues occur in marriages. Sometimes they are worked out, sometimes they are not. Sounds like it is time for a talk with husband and tell him you don't deserve to shoulder all the work for raising your kids. He needs to pitch in (and that includes being the bad guy sometimes). Fighting where kids can hear it isn't great but I dare you to find me a couple who hasn't fought and the odds of the kids not knowing about it are somewhere between slim and none. Another one of those life happens things. If your son is asking for medications, then I'd be taking him in for testing and going through the trials to find what works without causing tics (if there is something). He obviously feels something is wrong and has seen that medications help. So, this is something that is in your control and probably should be considered. All in all, we can always find things to blame ourselves for. It is hard not to. For me, it is the fact that I was willing to give up my husband to have my child and she was raised fatherless because of this choice. Would she have been different, happier with a dad in the house? Who knows. There's no doubt that your family would have been happier with financial stability but that's certainly not something you could have controlled. Some people are resilient and get over this. Some even become stronger. Some use it as an excuse to fail. The same is true when parents have marital problems. I wonder how much of all of this he thinks is his fault? That may be a factor in his acting out. I also think getting some medications and therapy for you would be a good thing. You have so much on your plate you can't helped be stressed and sleep deprivation doesn't help. Night shifts are hard on the body and, of course, the mind. Do give yourself a break. You truly aren't causing your son's issues. They are a part of him. You're doing everything humanly possible to help him. It sounds like he is a great kid and will probably grow into a wonderful young man. HUGS [/QUOTE]
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