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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 106811" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>{{kjs}} Thanks for answering so many questions I had with your last post.</p><p></p><p>I noticed that you're taking xanax. Most often, taking xanax alone can cause depression, or iow, being incapable of pulling ourselves out of the muck and mire, delegating, etc. I was on xanax for a while to help with anxiety and mild panic attacks and eventually I felt like I couldn't face another day. Finally, I spoke with my regular doctor and she put me on an anti-depressant and the change was almost instant. Within a week I felt stronger and less terminal, if you know what I mean. I think you need to see your doctor about this. Counseling will also help greatly, if you can get in to see someone, I think that would be helpful. And I know that, in and of itself, can overwhelm you because you're thinking "Great, how will I squeeze that into my already busy day?" But what most of us have found is that once you schedule that time, it becomes a gift to ourselves - something we look forward to and cherish for so many reasons.</p><p></p><p>Getting yourself in a better frame of mind is priority right now. You will be in a better situation to assess how much your son needs you and how much he can take on himself. You can also assess where your marriage is and where you want it to be and whether or not you and H want to make a concerted effort to get there, or not. Once you're strong enough, you may decide that you're better off not bothering and leaving him. You may end up thinking that since you're doing it all anyway, you may as well have the peace of mind in knowing that you're independent and available to be loved again by someone who is worthy of you. </p><p></p><p>I think all marriages have their awful lonely moments and raising all kids, in particular difficult child's, can really s.u.c.k all the energy and intimacy from a relationship - even a strong one. How many of us here can attest to that, right? I know that my marriage has suffered greatly; I am hoping that one day when we're finally alone again, we can find one another again. There are no guarantees but I'm not ready to give up just yet. </p><p></p><p>You deserve to be in a marriage which shares the good times as well as the bad; one in which everything is a shared effort. There will always be times when one partner is shouldering the mother load of the burden, but for the most part, it needs to be a shared effort to function properly. If you are the only one doing everything and you feel yourself coming apart at the seams, it's time to take a step back and stop doing it all.</p><p></p><p>I fully agree with Abbey about telling dson to do what is necessary to pass his stinking classes. After years of battling with my difficult child it finally boiled down to one thing: Just Pass The Class....Just Graduate. It became less and less important to me that she had good grades or impressed her teachers and way more important to me that she passed all her classes even if it was with a D grade; and I wanted her to enjoy at least part of her schoolday; and finally, graduate and get the heck out of there!! It should not be such a struggle day in and day out - it's simply not that important, in my opinion. Some people are not meant to be in academic situations. Granted, by law they do have to go to school until they are at least 16, but as long as they pass, that's enough. I'm not saying give up, but definitely, cut back on the battle. There is also the fact that natural consequences often have a better result than all the yelling, struggling, classroom changing and punishments in the world.</p><p></p><p>You're lashing out at difficult child and yourself because you're in a bad place. Please see your doctor and let them know what has been going on and ask for some help. I really think you need something to counterbalance the xanax. Hugs~and keep posting so we know how you're doing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 106811, member: 2211"] {{kjs}} Thanks for answering so many questions I had with your last post. I noticed that you're taking xanax. Most often, taking xanax alone can cause depression, or iow, being incapable of pulling ourselves out of the muck and mire, delegating, etc. I was on xanax for a while to help with anxiety and mild panic attacks and eventually I felt like I couldn't face another day. Finally, I spoke with my regular doctor and she put me on an anti-depressant and the change was almost instant. Within a week I felt stronger and less terminal, if you know what I mean. I think you need to see your doctor about this. Counseling will also help greatly, if you can get in to see someone, I think that would be helpful. And I know that, in and of itself, can overwhelm you because you're thinking "Great, how will I squeeze that into my already busy day?" But what most of us have found is that once you schedule that time, it becomes a gift to ourselves - something we look forward to and cherish for so many reasons. Getting yourself in a better frame of mind is priority right now. You will be in a better situation to assess how much your son needs you and how much he can take on himself. You can also assess where your marriage is and where you want it to be and whether or not you and H want to make a concerted effort to get there, or not. Once you're strong enough, you may decide that you're better off not bothering and leaving him. You may end up thinking that since you're doing it all anyway, you may as well have the peace of mind in knowing that you're independent and available to be loved again by someone who is worthy of you. I think all marriages have their awful lonely moments and raising all kids, in particular difficult child's, can really s.u.c.k all the energy and intimacy from a relationship - even a strong one. How many of us here can attest to that, right? I know that my marriage has suffered greatly; I am hoping that one day when we're finally alone again, we can find one another again. There are no guarantees but I'm not ready to give up just yet. You deserve to be in a marriage which shares the good times as well as the bad; one in which everything is a shared effort. There will always be times when one partner is shouldering the mother load of the burden, but for the most part, it needs to be a shared effort to function properly. If you are the only one doing everything and you feel yourself coming apart at the seams, it's time to take a step back and stop doing it all. I fully agree with Abbey about telling dson to do what is necessary to pass his stinking classes. After years of battling with my difficult child it finally boiled down to one thing: Just Pass The Class....Just Graduate. It became less and less important to me that she had good grades or impressed her teachers and way more important to me that she passed all her classes even if it was with a D grade; and I wanted her to enjoy at least part of her schoolday; and finally, graduate and get the heck out of there!! It should not be such a struggle day in and day out - it's simply not that important, in my opinion. Some people are not meant to be in academic situations. Granted, by law they do have to go to school until they are at least 16, but as long as they pass, that's enough. I'm not saying give up, but definitely, cut back on the battle. There is also the fact that natural consequences often have a better result than all the yelling, struggling, classroom changing and punishments in the world. You're lashing out at difficult child and yourself because you're in a bad place. Please see your doctor and let them know what has been going on and ask for some help. I really think you need something to counterbalance the xanax. Hugs~and keep posting so we know how you're doing. [/QUOTE]
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