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major guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="Kjs" data-source="post: 107106"><p>I struggle with all these issues, I know that. husband...I KNOW he needs help. LOTS of it. Just when I have made up my mind, decide what I want, I start thinking. </p><p></p><p>husband had no parents. Mother left when he was 3. Father was an abusive alcoholic who beat him and his brother. His father remarried, had two girls and left when the girls were 1 and 2. husband was 8. He didn't understand, and still doesn't understand why she left and didn't take him. Instead, she left him there to be beat. (brother was older and left the country).</p><p></p><p>When husband was a young teen, his father died in a one car drunken accident. husband lived with friends and finished school. So, everytime I have had enough...I think that he had no role model. He doesn't know how to be a husband. He goes out of his way to do anything difficult child wants, and I believe it is because of what he never had. But for me, I need a husband. </p><p></p><p>He has never seen his half sisters again. 46 years. He tried to contact one of the girls a few years ago. Asked about their mother. He really loved her. The girl wrote back and said she would never mention his name to her mother, it would only bring back horrible memories. Did not want further contact. husband cried. He just didn't understand. He was just a young boy. I tried to tell him back then she COULDN'T take him. He wasn't hers.</p><p></p><p>So, when I do get fed up, when I do say what I want, I feel guilty. Then the circle just starts over.</p><p></p><p>Counseling. husband wouldn't do it. Tried it once. Medication, husband wouldn't do it. Won't take anything. He can hardly walk due to knee problems and won't have surgery, won't take anything accept advil. I quit worrying about that. I told him he is a big boy. If he wants to get help with his knees, or himself, HE has to make and keep the appointments. I am sick of making appointments and having him cancel.</p><p></p><p>I thank you for your thoughts and advice. Your strength is felt and is very helpful.</p><p></p><p>Thank you</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kjs, post: 107106"] I struggle with all these issues, I know that. husband...I KNOW he needs help. LOTS of it. Just when I have made up my mind, decide what I want, I start thinking. husband had no parents. Mother left when he was 3. Father was an abusive alcoholic who beat him and his brother. His father remarried, had two girls and left when the girls were 1 and 2. husband was 8. He didn't understand, and still doesn't understand why she left and didn't take him. Instead, she left him there to be beat. (brother was older and left the country). When husband was a young teen, his father died in a one car drunken accident. husband lived with friends and finished school. So, everytime I have had enough...I think that he had no role model. He doesn't know how to be a husband. He goes out of his way to do anything difficult child wants, and I believe it is because of what he never had. But for me, I need a husband. He has never seen his half sisters again. 46 years. He tried to contact one of the girls a few years ago. Asked about their mother. He really loved her. The girl wrote back and said she would never mention his name to her mother, it would only bring back horrible memories. Did not want further contact. husband cried. He just didn't understand. He was just a young boy. I tried to tell him back then she COULDN'T take him. He wasn't hers. So, when I do get fed up, when I do say what I want, I feel guilty. Then the circle just starts over. Counseling. husband wouldn't do it. Tried it once. Medication, husband wouldn't do it. Won't take anything. He can hardly walk due to knee problems and won't have surgery, won't take anything accept advil. I quit worrying about that. I told him he is a big boy. If he wants to get help with his knees, or himself, HE has to make and keep the appointments. I am sick of making appointments and having him cancel. I thank you for your thoughts and advice. Your strength is felt and is very helpful. Thank you [/QUOTE]
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